


This Distance is All we Got

by happytreasure



Series: Three's a crowd four's a party [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Agender Kenma, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Long-Distance Relationship, Multi, Negative Thoughts, Non-binary character, Other, Polyamory, Skype, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, genderfluid oikawa, kuroo and oikawa are roomates, maybe one day i'll write something where not everybody is trans, transboy makki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-09-02 07:25:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 38,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8657953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happytreasure/pseuds/happytreasure
Summary: Oikawa Tooru, Matsukawa Issei, Hanamaki Takahiro, and Iwaizumi Hajime have all not only started college but also a long distance relationship. Everyone always said long distance was hard and everyone was right. The next fours years are full of fights, self-discovery, breaking down boundaries, and somehow still maintaining a healthy relationship. *Probably shouldn't be read as a standalone. First read "I Was Made For Lovin' You Baby" (the first part of the series).





	1. Tell Me Something Happy

Out of the many things Oikawa Tooru had learned since college the two most prevalent ones would be that one, College Volleyball practice was fucking grueling and two, if you eat solely cheap ramen noodles for three days straight you will throw up after college volleyball practice. Or at least that's the notion Oikawa got after his hour long puking session with the toilet the night before. He really needed to pick up the slack, his boyfriends would be disappointed. He promised he'd get better and he was, well he was trying to, but he hadn't anticipated how hard long distance would be. Being five hours away from his boyfriends wasn't exactly Oikawa's favorite thing. However, he did love Tokyo.

Oikawa thrived in a big city, more than he did in his smaller hometown. He liked the busy streets and the abundance of people. He also like that he could blend in, he didn't have to constantly keep up appearances now that he was invisible. He still had a bit of a fan group in college, girls who flocked around him, wanting to meet the young freshman who was already a starter on the volleyball team. Oikawa handled the attention with grace as he always did, he turned down every confession, every offer to hookup, every person who got a little too handsy. However, college was a little more overwhelming then he let on. Yes, Oikawa loved the city and his room mate, who happened to be Nekoma's middle blocker, but still he was alone. Sometimes he let the thoughts plague him, about how no matter how many Skype calls and texts Oikawa was still alone and how the person he grew up with and loves is miles away-Nope! He promised himself he would stop thinking like that. So, Oikawa shook his head when the negative thoughts tried to creep up on him while he walked back from the corner store. He really had to work on being more positive. Eventually, Oikawa stumbled into the tiny apartment he shared with Kuroo Tetsurou. 

"Heyo." Kuroo called from his spot on the couch. 

"Give me some positives." Oikawa said, initiating a little game that they occasionally played. 

whenever Oikawa was feeling particularly negative he'd ask Kuroo to tell him some positive things about life. Kuroo absolutely radiated positivity. Oikawa suspected it had something to do with Kuroo always cheering up Kenma. Oikawa didn't know much about Kenma, just that he was a bit of a pessimist and he was dating Kuroo. He learned the latter through his bad habit of not knocking before entering rooms. 

"Ok let's see," Kuroo started, "We live in a world in which milk bread exists." 

"Mhmm, that's a good one." Oikawa hummed.

"We are both members of an amazing volleyball team, your knee is getting better, you passed your math examine yesterday, also we saw that super cute dog on the street this morning. Need I say more?" Kuroo finished. 

"Thank you, Tetsu-chan!" Oikawa chirped. 

Oikawa was grateful that Kuroo understood that sometimes he just needed a little reminder that not everything was bad.

-

Sadly, Hanamaki wasn't as fortunate in the roommate department. His roommate wasn't particularly horrible; he just wasn't the most open minded person. Hanamaki was glad he wasn't playing volleyball anymore. If he was he probably wouldn't be able to spike with how bad his back hurt from wearing his binder so often. He only took it off in his room. He had a feeling his roommate’s reaction would be a little less than welcoming. 

Outside of his mildly shitty roommate, college was pretty cool in Hanamaki's opinion. Although he still couldn't decide on a major. He had absolutely no idea what he wanted to do with his life. The only thing he knew for sure was that he wanted to help people, so he thought psychology would be a good fit, but Hanamaki found out early on that the human brain was just too confusing. At least his classes were interesting, English especially. He always found learning languages easy. English had been pretty easy for him in High school so he decided to continue taking it in college. Regardless of his interest in languages Hanamaki still wasn't sure what the right fit for him was. He didn't really have any useful passions or interests like his boyfriends. 

Thankfully, these boyfriends were an incredible support system for his insecurities and indecisiveness about college. However, everyone always said long-distance was hard and everyone was right. He often texted into the Skype group chat and often initiated group calls despite his busy schedule. Although despite the frequency of their communication online Hanamaki still felt as if something was missing from his life. He had only seen Iwaizumi and Matsukawa once since they left for college and all of them had yet to see Oikawa. 

Hanamaki felt horrible being so far away from the people he was closest to. He also felt particularly bad about not being able to visit Oikawa yet. Maybe one of these weekends he could make the trip up there. He’d probably have to skip a class or two but Oikawa was definitely worth it. Hanamaki pulled up the calendar app on his phone and started looking for a weekend where he was mostly free. He was surprised to find out that the weekend after the next he was available. Well, available enough to make a trip to Tokyo. Hanamaki made note of his plans to go to Tokyo before opening Skype to message Oikawa. After a few minutes of consideration, he decided against telling Oikawa. It would be a nice surprise.

-

Matsukawa felt his heart flutter in a “Oh my god I’m so fucking in love” way, when he peeked over his textbook and realized that Iwaizumi had fallen asleep. His head was resting on Matsukawa's stomach and his still open textbook laid across his chest. Matsukawa set his book aside for a moment to admire his boyfriend. Matsukawa knew he was damn lucky to live with him in college. Date night was every night, constant kisses and hugs, no parents to interrupt, someone to confide in, and not only was the sex great, but the sex was great. So, Matsukawa didn't have much to complain about, he liked his major and he loved his roommate. So, the only problem was the other two people he was madly in love with were miles away. Despite Iwaizumi's nearly constant presence it felt like something was gone from his life, as if the space around him was a little emptier then it should be.

Matsukawa sighed and laid his textbook across his chest before getting comfortable and closing his eyes. He was half asleep when he felt Iwaizumi get up and drag himself out of the bed. Matsukawa reluctantly opened one eye to see Iwaizumi stretching his arms above his head. His shirt rode up slightly, exposing his toned stomach which was greatly appreciated by Matsukawa. 

“Get up,” Iwaizumi grumbled, “If you nap now you’ll be up all night.

Matsukawa groaned in protest but followed his boyfriend’s orders. 

“What’re we doing for dinner?” Matsukawa yawned.

“Hmm I’ll probably make something.” Iwaizumi replied.

“Fuck yes.” 

Another upside of living with Iwaizumi was his amazing cooking. 

-

Iwaizumi regretted not finishing studying before dinner because now he was sleepy and just wanted to go to bed. He was half asleep with his head resting on his hand, trying to keep his eyes open as he stared at his text book. Soon enough he lost his focus and drifted off which resulted in him slamming his head onto his book. Well, that certainly woke him up, still he was too lazy to lift his head. The sound garnered Matsukawa's attention, who was sprawled on their shared bed. 

"Babe, it's late, you should really get to bed." Matsukawa prompted.

Iwaizumi sighed, his boyfriend was right. 

"Yea ok, you're right, it is late." he yawned.   
    
With another yawn he tiredly crawled into bed. Iwaizumi, much like Matsukawa, liked his college life. Volleyball was comforting familiarity; as a first year he didn't play as much as he was used to but he understood he had to earn his playing time. He also had no qualms about rooming with one of his boyfriends, but It felt odd not having Hanamaki and Oikawa around after their usual presence for the past three years. It felt especially odd not having his best friend living a few houses down. Nevertheless, Iwaizumi, unlike Oikawa, was an optimist. He tried to look at the brighter side of things. For example, they could always Skype and text. There was also Snapchat and Snapchat streaks which Oikawa was very adamant about keeping. As usual Iwaizumi entertained his antics. So, he made sure to keep their streak no matter what. 

Iwaizumi let out a sigh before cuddling in closer to Matsukawa, who in turn wrapped his arms tighter around him. Iwaizumi fell asleep thinking of the two people he missed the most. 

 

-

Oikawa was about half way through physical therapy when his phone started blowing up. He looked down at his phone, seeing the Skype notifications pop up. Sighing he flipped over his phone so he wouldn't see the screen light up with each message. His boyfriends would probably be wondering why he wasn't answering. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to them, it was just that they would ask how he was doing and Oikawa was a terrible liar. He wasn't doing horrible; his grades were okay, volleyball was going great and he even made a few friends. However, he still wasn't doing so great in the mental health department, and he had promised to get better. The thing was Oikawa hadn't accounted for how mentally taxing a long-distance relationship would be. He constantly missed his boyfriends. Still, he tried, he rarely self-harmed and he tried to start thinking positively, but his sleeping schedule and eating habits were less then adequate.

Oikawa was pulled from his thoughts by the little 'bringggggg bringggg' sound of a Skype call from his phone. He flipped over his phone and saw his boyfriends were trying for a group call.   
Oikawa's fingers hovered over the green "accept call" button before he turned his phone back over. He'd call them later; he couldn't let them see him now. He knew he had dark bags under his eyes and his hair was a mess. He couldn't worry them.

And so Oikawa called his boyfriends back a few hours later with concealer under his eyes and a fake smile. His boyfriends saw right through it. 

 

-

 

“Good night, I love you guys!” Hanamaki said.

He waited long enough to hear them say “love you too” before he ended the group call with his boyfriends. Immediately afterwards he quickly created a group chat with only Iwaizumi and Matsukawa. 

 

Hanamaki: Yoooo I’m worried about Tooru that was totally a fucking fake smile he was giving us

Iwaizumi: yea, he keeps promising he’s doing better but I think he’s struggling.

Matsukawa: I really want to go see him. 

Hanamaki: oh, that reminds me!

Hanamaki: I’m planning on going to visit him in two weeks.

Iwaizumi: Good, I think he needs you there. 

Matsukawa: Luckyyyyy were so fucking busy I s2g

Hanamaki: I miss you guys too! I’m gonna try and visit you guys soon too.

Matsukawa: Fuck yess

Iwaizumi: we really miss you too.

Matsukawa: also! Send us a lot of picture of you and tooru so I can live vicariously through your visit 

Hanamaki: I gotchu

 

-

 

The next week was as mundane as the one before as Oikawa fell into a routine. However, his usual schedule went a bit awry when he came home after class realized that Kuroo’s boyfriend was visiting. Oikawa had met Kenma when he visited Kurro once before. Oikawa liked him, he was quiet and kept to himself for the most part but Oikawa could tell that he was also quite perceptive. His uncannily cat-like eyes seemed to capture even the smallest of details going on around him.

“Hey Kenma-chan!” Oikawa greeted, “Where’s Tetsu-chan?”

“He went to pick up the take out. He got you something too.” 

“That was sweet of him,” Oikawa said as he plopped down on the couch next to Kenma.

“How’s being a third year treating you?” Oikawa asked.

“It’s weird not having Kuro around.” Kenma frowned.

“I get where you’re coming from. I miss having my best friend around too.”

Kenma hummed in agreement before getting and letting the blanket on his lap fall to the floor. He walked over to the apartment’s tiny fridge.

“Hey I’m gonna have some juice, do you want anything?” Kenma asked. 

“No thank you.” Oikawa responded before glancing over to Kenma. Oikawa’s eyes widened when he realized Kenma was wearing a purple skirt.

“I’m digging the skirt.” Oikawa commented.

“Oh, thank you. Kuroo mentioned you were pretty open-minded.” 

“Yeah I’m pretty cool about everything.”

“Oh yeah, I should probably mention I’m agender and I use they pronouns.” Kenma explained, looking at his feet.

“Duly noted!” Oikawa replied with a warm smile. 

Although Oikawa kept his cool he was kind of freaking out on the inside. He’d never met another trans person outside of Hanamaki and never someone who identified outside of the binary. He wanted to blurt out that he was the same and find comfort in Kenma. But he kept his mouth shut, still somehow wary of ridicule. 

-

The next morning when Oikawa woke up he found Kenma making coffee in the kitchen in one of Kuroo’s shirts, which went down to their mid thigh and knee high socks with really cute kittens on them. Oikawa checked the time and realized Kuroo would still be in class. It looked like it would just be him and Kenma for a while. 

“I like your cat socks.” Oikawa complimented as he walked into the kitchen.

Kenma jumped slightly at the sudden noise. “Oh, sorry I don’t have my binder on.” Kenma apologized, going to cover their chest.

“Nah, it’s fine,” Oikawa assured, “you guys are super quiet though, I’m surprised I didn’t get sexiled.” Oikawa said gesturing to the shirt Kenma was wearing.

“Kuro also mentioned you have little self-shame.”

Oikawa chuckled, “You seem to have a lot. You’re awful bashful for a person whose been so open.”

“Oh,” Kenma mumbled looking at their feet, “I’m usually not so open I kinda just passed as a boy throughout high school because I transitioned pretty young, and I didn’t really correct anyone, because I don’t really mind being seen as or called a boy. Kuro has been encouraging me to be more open and to start correcting people on my pronouns.” 

“That’s good, one of my best friends is a trans guy, he always says it hurts more to repress yourself then anything anybody can say or do.” 

“I think Kuro mentioned him, Hanamaki right?”

“Yep, I’m pretty close with him and two other guys from my volleyball team last year.”

“Iwaizumi and Matsukawa?”

“Wow, I must talk about them a lot.” Oikawa admitted sheepishly.

“I think it’s cute.” Kenma said with a smile.

Oikawa found out he really liked Kenma. Their personality’s were rather different, but Oikawa found Kenma liked a lot of the things he did, and Oikawa didn’t mind Kenma’s quiet nature.  
Soon enough the conversation turned to make-up when Oikawa realized Kenma’s painted toenails. 

“Do you like make-up and painting nails and all that jazz?” Oikawa asked, pointing to Kenma’s toes.

 

“Yeah,” Kenma replied wiggling their toes, “but I’m not very good at make-up.”

“You should let me do your make-up!” 

Kenma raised an eyebrow, “You know how to do make-up?”

“I had an older sister, she taught me a lot.” Oikawa explained.

“Ok but why did you take it to college?” Kenma questioned, not in a judgmental way but like they were trying to piece something together. 

Luckily, Oikawa had an answer for everything. “Makki was my last test subject and I was hoping to find a new one in college.”

“Okay, I guess.” Kenma agreed, shrugging their shoulders.

 

And so when Kuroo came home he found Oikawa gently applying the last of a dark colored lipstick to Kenma’s mouth. Kuroo stood in the bathroom doorway while Oikawa applied the finishing touches to their face. When Kenma looked up he met Kuroo’s stare. Kenma’s eyes were complimented by a gold eye shadow and framed by the most flawless cat eyeliner Kuroo had ever seen.

“Wow, you look good, Kitten.” 

Kenma’s cheeks turned red and they looked to the side to avoid Kuroo’s appreciative gaze. “Tooru said he wanted a face to practice on.” Kenma explained. 

“Well I’m glad he chose yours.” Kuroo smirked.

“Oh, Kenma can a send a picture of you into a group chat with Iwa, Mattsun, and Makki?” Oikawa piped in.

Kenma gave a short nod, allowing Oikawa to take a couple of photos. 

“Alright, that should do. Thank you Kenma-chan!” Oikawa chirped on his way out of the bathroom, leaving Kenma and Kuroo to themselves. 

 

-

 

Oikawa: Ya know Kuroos partner Kenma??? They let me do their make up!

Iwaizumi: They?

Oikawa: Kenmas agender! WHICH IS ALSO REALLY COOL BC THEYRE THE FIRST TRANS PERSON IVE MET OUTSIDE OF ‘HIRO!!!

Oikawa: anyway

Oikawa:  
[one image attached]

Hanamaki: HOLY SHIT THEY LOOK SO GOOD

Matsukawa: omg they look more like a cat then before

Iwaizumi: Yea, I like the eyeliner.

Oikawa: I like Kenma, they’re pretty cool

Hanamaki: you think you’ll open up to them?

Oikawa: hmmmmm maybe? I feel like they already know somethings up, theyre really observant. 

 

-

When the weekend ended Kenma went back home and Oikawa went back to his regularly scheduled routine. Unfortunately, this routine included a lot of takeout as neither him or Kuroo could cook to save their lives. Volleyball practice was about the only thing keeping them in shape at that point. Still the week dragged on and eventually Friday rolled around.  
On this particular Friday night Oikawa settled down on the couch with a bag of popcorn to watch the X-files with Kuroo. Surprisingly, Kuroo also enjoyed the show and Oikawa didn’t have to force him to watch it with like he did with Iwaizumi. About two episodes in there was a knock at their apartment door. 

“I got it.” Oikawa said crawling out from under the covers.

Oikawa made his way up to the door and undid the lock before throwing the door open without checking the peephole. 

“’HIRO?! What are you doing here?!” 

“I’m here to see you, dummy! Now let me in this bag is heavy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAN YOU BELIEVE I GATHERED THE COURAGE FOR THIS ONE
> 
> I'll try to update as frequently as possible! updates are at most usually 2 weeks apart. 
> 
> tell me what you think! i appreciate constructive criticism
> 
> as you can probably tell i like to name my fics after song lyrics/titles
> 
> heres what inspired this fic:
> 
> Tell me something happy- Annabel Jones
> 
> West- Sleeping at Last
> 
> DKLA- Troye Sivan 
> 
> Bloom- The Paper Kites
> 
> my tumblr - happytreasuree


	2. We'll Be Just Fine

"I can't believe you didn't tell me you were coming!" Oikawa squealed, rushing forward and wrapping Hanamaki in a hug.

Hanamaki dropped his bag and hugged Oikawa back, "I wanted to surprise you!"  

"Well you accomplished that task," Oikawa beamed, picking up Hanamaki’s bag and eagerly ushering him inside. "How long are you staying for?" 

"Just this weekend." Hanamaki replied.

"Jeez, then why's your bag so heavy?" 

"Oh, because I brought all the old clothes you left at my house before college." 

Oikawa knew that was code for 'I have all the dresses and skirts you left with me because you were too scared to bring them to college'.

"I told you to keep them." Oikawa reminded him.

Hanamaki just hummed in response and followed Oikawa into the tiny dorm room where Kuroo was sat.

"Kuroo this is my friend Hanamaki Takahiro, Hanamaki this is my roommate Kuroo Tetsurou!" Oikawa introduced.

Hanamaki raised an eyebrow at Oikawa but nonetheless turned towards Kuroo. "It's nice to meet you, Kuroo." Hanamaki greeted politely.

"Likewise," Kuroo returned with a smile, "It’s nice to finally meet you, Tooru talks about you a lot, but anyway, you guys want dinner? Afterwards I'm gonna turn in for the night."

Oikawa blushed and tried to ignore Hanamaki’s smirk. "So soon?" 

"Yea, we do have practice tomorrow."  Kuroo reminded him.

"Oh yeah," Oikawa bit his lip, trying to think of a solution. " If coach asks I'm horribly sick." 

Kuroo's eyebrows shot up, "Wow, I never thought I'd see the day Oikawa Tooru skipped practice." 

"Oh hush I haven't see Makki in forever!" Oikawa defended.

Later that night, after a nice dinner of the usual takeout with Kuroo, Hanamaki and Oikawa had retreated to Oikawa's room to talk in private. 

"I like Kuroo, he's a pretty nice guy." Hanamaki said as he stretched himself out on Oikawa’s bed.

"Yea, he's a good friend." Oikawa agreed.

"Yet you still haven't opened up to him? You can't bottle all that pain up again, Tooru."  Hanamaki chided. 

"I just don't think I'm ready." Oikawa explained, crossing his arms.

"Listen, Tooru, it’s a hundred percent your choice if you come out or not, and I'm not suggesting you have to, but I think it'd be healthy for you to have someone to confide in who can fully understand the situation." 

"Yeah, okay." Oikawa muttered.

"Now, come here!" Hanamaki said, arms open, "I missed you!"

Oikawa fell into his embrace, "I missed you too." 

-

"What kinda day is it?" Hanamaki said sleepily as he rolled on top of a barely awake Oikawa.

"Girl." Oikawa yawned. Hanamaki nodded in acknowledgement before suggesting they go out for the day and look around Tokyo.

"Fine but I'm not dressing up with you."  Oikawa grumbled.

"Awh, why?" Hanamaki pouted in response.

"Because It's not like our hometown, where it was all four of us, and we could drive two towns over so no one would recognize me." 

Hanamaki perked up at what he believed to be Oikawa's faulty logic. "Yea, but it's even better now because Tokyo is huge so no one will recognize you here!"

Oikawa bit her lip, still hesitant about the whole thing. "Okay, fine but we'll leave after Tetsu-Chan goes to practice." 

"Alright, it's a date!" Hanamaki declared before looking down at his still bare chest. "Also where's my shirt because as confident as I am I don't need your roommate seeing my boobs." 

Oikawa gave a chuckle before tugging off her own oversized shirt. "Here borrow mine, go get yourself some breakfast I'm pretty sure we have Lucky Charms. I'm gonna find another shirt." 

"I think you threw one somewhere in that direction." Hanamaki said gesturing to a corner of the room. He then quickly slipped on the offered shirt before going to the kitchenette to confirm Oikawa's claim of Lucky Charms. Lucky for Hanamaki his partner made good on her promise. Along with the wonderfulness of Lucky Charms the Kitchenette also contained a Kuroo.

"Good morning." Kuroo yawned, a half eaten Poptart still in his hand. He was already dressed and ready for morning volleyball practice, Hanamaki on the other hand was in his newly acquired, wrinkled shirt and a pair of boxers. Kuroo glanced down at Hanamaki's attire watching him pour himself a bowl of Lucky Charms.

"Wasn't Oikawa wearing that shirt last night?" Kuroo asked, although it was phrased more as a statement then a question.

Hanamaki smiled down at his cereal. "Was he?" 

"Hey I don't mean to be intrusive but are you guys-" Kuroo was cut off by the arrival of Oikawa who stepped into the small living area. 

"I see you found the Lucky Charms." Oikawa chirped. 

An awkward silence ensured before Kuroo abruptly coughed. "Anyway I gotta go 'cuz ya know practice." Kuroo said gesturing over his shoulder, mouth full of a Poptart.

"Right." Oikawa replied confusedly as Kuroo made his way out the door. Oikawa turned to Hanamaki, "What was that all about?" 

"Couldn't tell ya." Hanamaki said shoving his mouth full of cereal 

 

-

Matsukawa: REMEMBER TO KEEP US UPDATED ON YOUR ESCAPADES TODAY

Iwaizumi: ^ ^^

Hanamaki: I'll take plenty of pictures of her!!!   
   
Matsukawa: #blessed

Oikawa: no thx

Hanamaki: did u really put a hashtag in a skype group chat

Iwaizumi: yes thx 

Hanamaki: don't worry i got u covered 

Oikawa: fine then I’ll send a bunch of pictures of hiro!!

Matsukawa: #doubleblessed

Hanamaki: prepare for an abundance of snapchats and selfies in the group chat 

 

-

Iwaizumi was sprawled out on the coach with his phone in his hand when he noticed a Snapchat from Hanamaki. He hurriedly opened it excited to see how Oikawa was doing. It has been so long since he’d seen her, and despite their constant contact through text and Skype he still missed her greatly. He clicked on the little red square and was greeted by a gorgeous image of Oikawa, mouth slightly open, meticulously applying light pink lipstick. He glanced at the caption, "I convinced her to dress up with me!"  
Iwaizumi took a blurry picture of the room he was in and captioned it, "Tell her she looks gorgeous." A few minutes after Iwaizumi sent the snap a purple square popped up next to Hanamaki’s name indicating he’d sent a video, but before he could open it he heard the front door of the apartment open. Matsukawa appeared, his arms full of grocery bags.

"Dude, did you see that Snapchat video of Tooru?" Matsukawa greeted. 

"No, but I feel like it's gonna be really cute." Iwaizumi responded, standing up from the couch to assist his boyfriend with the groceries. 

"You'd be correct." Matsukawa responded, dumping most the bags into Iwaizumi's arms. 

"Jeez, you didn't need to give me all the groceries." Iwaizumi complained as he struggled to hold the sudden amount of bags before moving to place them on a nearby table.

"Yeah, but you have big bara arms." his boyfriend responded like it was obvious. "But about that video, I've never seen something so pure." 

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow but once again opened the Snapchat app, pushing the the purple button to allow the video to begin playing. The camera was focused on Tooru who was clad in high-waisted black skinny jeans and a pale pink sweater. She was scrutinizing her reflection in the mirror and retouching her makeup. 

"Hey Tooru." Hanamaki called from behind the camera. Oikawa hummed in response to him.  
"You're beautiful." Hanamaki said firmly. Oikawa's eyes went a little wide before breaking into the biggest smile. "Yea?" she breathed turning to face him.

"Yea." Hanamaki confirmed. Before the short Snap video then abruptly ended Iwaizumi read the caption at the bottom of the screen that said, "I LOVE HER SO MUCH" 

"Ok, I'm super jealous of Taka right now."  Iwaizumi said, closing out of the app to open Skype and tell Hanamaki to send him the video.

"Right? She's so cute!” 

-

Hanamaki smiled, taking Oikawa’s hand as they walked through the city. "So, city girl which places are the coolest to go?" 

"Like touristy places or places residents go?" Oikawa asked.

"I've only really been here for tournaments so take me to the touristy places." He clarified.

"Well there's the Skytree and the Ginza District." Oikawa suggested.

"Sounds good, lead the way." Hanamaki replied matching her pace.   
    
As Oikawa led Hanamaki through the city he could see how much she really loved it. Despite having lived in the city for a few months Oikawa's eyes still lit up as she walked down the busy streets. Oikawa told Hanamaki she'd take him to the Ginza district first to shop because the Skytree looked so much more beautiful at night. He took her word for it and allowed her to pull him through different stores and departments. They're afternoon was filled with buying stuff like they weren’t broke college kids and sending selfies to their boyfriends. 

"My tummy is cold." Hanamaki complained after a few hours of going through stores.

Oikawa turned towards him with a hand on her hip and a raised eyebrow. "I told you it was gonna get too cold to wear a crop top." 

Hanamaki tried not to focus too much on how one side of her sweater slipped off her shoulder showing off her prominent collarbones. "Yeah, but I have a jacket on." Hanamaki defended. 

"Yeah, but you won't button is up because it's part of your outfit or something," Oikawa said lovingly rolling her eyes, "But you're right, it’s getting late, we should head over to the Skytree now." 

When they arrived at the Skytree Hanamaki was amazed by the view, it took his breath away to look out across such a large city. The lights illuminated the darkness that surrounded them as the people below carried on with their lives. 

"They look like stars," Oikawa gushed.

Hanamaki turned towards her, "Hm?"

"The city lights, they look like stars in the night sky." Oikawa clarified not taking her eyes off the streets below. 

She looked stunning, her eyes locked on to the vastness of the picturesque view, shining with child-like wonder. Hanamaki made sure to snap a picture of it for the group chat before tucking his phone away. Sometimes it hit him how in love he was.

-

 

Unfortunately, the weekend came to a close all too fast as all weekends do and Hanamaki had to return to Kyoto. Having his boyfriend leave again had Oikawa in a mood for the next few days. Unfortunately, for Oikawa Kenma was visiting again. The perceptive high school student immediately picked up on Oikawa’s mood. 

"Hey, are you okay?" Kenma asked, once Kuroo had left them alone to take a shower. They were sitting together on the beat-up couch binge watching the Harry Potter movies.

"Oh, I'm okay, it's just my bo- my friend, Hanamaki, just left to go back to Kyoto." Oikawa explained. 

Kenma raised an eyebrow, "Yeah, Kuro mentioned his visit," they looked to the side, cheeks slightly red, "I miss Kuro a lot too when I go back home." 

"Awh, you're so cute Kenma-chan!" Oikawa said in attempt to change the subject. 

Kenma huffed in response before saying, "You know you can talk to me and Kuro, right? We're your friends and we would never judge you for anything." 

Oikawa felt undeserving, he was truly grateful that he had found friends like Kuroo and Kenma. Having friends who put in an effort and really cared about him made everything so much easier for him. Maybe he should tell them, surely he could trust them. Hanamaki was right, he needed to stop bottling everything up and put some trust in his friends.  Oikawa took a deep breath, working up the courage to speak.

"Kenma, can I tell you something important?" Oikawa asked tentatively. 

Kenma gave an encouraging smile, "Of course."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: *googles tokyo tourist attractions* 
> 
> as you can see I'm not writing this as an accurate representation of Japanese culture, it probably reflects America more so than Japan. 
> 
> Anyway I'm always up for constructive criticism. I have dyslexia and unfortunately don't have a beta so if you see any mistakes (which you most likely will) feel free to tell me so I can correct them. 
> 
> also sorry this came out late, volleyball school and work hav e been kicking my ass
> 
> Catch me on tumblr at happytreasuree


	3. Can I Be Close To You?

Oikawa wasn't a particularly quiet person, in fact he was rather loud and flamboyant. However, that didn't me he was an open book. Oikawa tended to bottle all his feelings up inside until everything was too much. So, spilling his guts to Kenma felt unfamiliar and wrong, still he didn't let himself stop even when he felt he'd die of embarrassment. So, he continued prattling on until he felt he'd sufficiently told Kenma everything.

"And I guess that's about it." Oikawa finished awkwardly.

He felt his face heat up and looked away as he waited for Kenma's response. 

"Ok first of all, you know I don't think any differently of you, right?" Kenma assured.

Oikawa kept his gaze to the side of the room. He opted for shrugging his shoulders instead of speaking.

Kenma shifted to face Oikawa on the couch and tucked their legs under themself. "I'm serious Tooru, I really care about you, you're my friend and I want you to know I'm here for you." 

Oikawa tried to get words out but his mouth felt as if it was full of cotton. He cursed himself for being weak and hung his head. He was grateful that Kenma decided to hug him rather then continuing to talk. He sat there in the younger's embrace until he felt he could speak again. He then reluctantly detangled himself from Kenma. 

"Thank you so much for listening to me babble. It means a lot Kenma." Oikawa murmured, finally facing them.

"It's really no problem, Tooru. I'll always be here if you need someone to talk to." Kenma reassured him. "And Tooru, I don't mean to pressure you or anything, but are you gonna tell Kuro?" 

Oikawa faltered for a moment before taking a deep breath, "Yea, let’s go drag his ass in here." 

"Wait, I didn't mean you had to right this moment!" Kenma said, waving their arms in distress.

"No, it's better to get it over with." Oikawa said. He knew he was still acting off the adrenaline run and confidence he got from telling Kenma, but he needed to tell Kuroo before he chickened out.

Spilling his guts a second time felt just as odd. Luckily, Oikawa was greeted with a similar response from Kuroo. For once he felt completely at home since he'd left college. Not to say he was unhappy living with Kuroo, but being honest with himself and his friends was like a weight of his back. Oikawa hadn't put his trust in someone like this since high school. He was surprised at the fact that he didn't feel a horrible sense of dread and regret but rather joy and relief at his friend's acceptance. He was finally learning how to open up, albeit slowly.

 

-  
Hanamaki: i'm going to visit my mom this weekend!!  

Matsukawa: LUCKY IM SO BUSY WITH FUCKING MIDTERMS, I MISS LUCKY SM

Hanamaki: yea i'm gonna have to be studying on the train but my mom only has me so i feel bad bc she's been alone. 

Hanmaki: also same Issei. I miss ur dog too

Matsukawa: tell ur mom i said hi 

Iwaizumi: I miss Miyagi 

Oikawa: ^^ and Lucky

Hanamaki: Oh yea i shld tell u guys, i'm telling my mom abt us when i go home just wanted to let u guys know again before i do it.

Oikawa: I HOPE IT GOES WELL 

Matsukawa: im sure she'll be chill abt it 'hiro 

Iwaizumi: Good luck Taka!

Oikawa: ALSO I FORGOT TO TELL U GUYS BUT YESTERDAY I CAME OUT TO KENMA AND KUROO AND IT WAS AN EXPERIENCE 

Iwaizumi: I trust they treated you well? 

Oikawa: Yes yes nothing to worry about haji

Hanamaki: YESS TOORU IM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!

Matsukawa: CONGRATS TOORU!!

-

 

For Hanamaki spilling his guts wasn't quite as frightening. This was probably due to his mom, who had been an amazing support system throughout his entire life. She had always accepted him, she always would. He knew he was loved. So, he left his home town and his mom with a smile on his face knowing he would always have a home with her. He was at ease on his train ride home from Miyagi as he settled into the small cramped seat, content to study his English.  
Although before beginning to read his book, he opened up the Skype app and sent a quick message into the group chat. 

Hanamaki: She accepted us

 

-

Hanamaki: hey i really miss you guys and i know we've been able to see each other a few times but the four of us haven't been together at once and i just really fuvking miss that

Iwaizumi: Maybe we can meet up? We all have a long weekend break after midterms

Oikawa: YOU RIGHT!!! I FUCKING FORGOT, WE SHOULD ALL MEET UP!!!!!

Matsukawa: Where should we meet up????

Oikawa: all of you have traveled to Tokyo at one point so I think it's fair that I travel this time

Iwaizumi: Kyoto or Osaka??

Hanamaki: Lets go to Osaka. Only 2 of us have to travel and you guys have your own place!

Matsukawa: yessssss im so fucking hype 

Iwaizumi: Okay okay we'll work out all the details later but it's like 1am and we all need our sleep

Oikawa: Yes mom 

-  
Iwaizumi was buzzing with excitement. Hanamaki's train was due to arrive any minute, and he couldn't wait to run up and give his boyfriend a hug. He could tell Matsukawa was just as excited by the way he was rocking back and forth on his tippy toes in anticipation. When the train doors opened to reveal Hanamaki both Matsukawa and he rushed forward and embraced him in a group hug. After greetings we're exchanged they all settled down and, of course, got out of the way of the other passengers.

Now all they had to do was wait for Oikawa. Iwaizumi was even more anxious than before. He hadn't seen Oikawa in 4 months. Matsukawa and Hanamaki had been lucky enough to go visit them a month before while Iwaizumi was at an important volleyball match. Iwaizumi began tapping his fingers against his thigh. He was momentarily caught up in his thoughts when Matsukawa called his name.

"Hajime, their train is pulling up."

Iwaizumi felt breathless, it was like coming home after a long day and finally being able to relax. He felt tension and anxiousness he didn't even know he had seep from his muscles when he saw Oikawa. Before he knew it they had rushed forward and practically tackled him to the ground.

"HAJI!!!" he heard Oikawa yell as they wrapped their arms tightly around him.

Iwaizumi smiled and hugged Oikawa back.   
-

Iwaizumi had known two days would pass by in a flash. Still, he made sure to enjoy every moment he had with Hanamaki and Oikawa. He made sure to appreciate Hanamaki's laugh when Matsukawa made a bad joke and Oikawa's smile when they were given the opportunity to explore another big city. And he definitely made sure to enjoy the time they spent mapping out each other's bodies the moment they were given a chance.

Yeah, maybe two days wasn't enough. All the time in the world wouldn't be enough for Iwaizumi to be satisfied, but two days were enough for Iwaizumi to fall in love all over again.

-

 

Oikawa: OK BUT YAHABA JUST SENT ME A CHEEKY FUCKING SNAPCHAT!!!

Oikawa: HE AND MAD DOG-CHAN ARE TOTALLY DATING OR AT LEAST FUCKING 

Matsukawa: EXPLAIN????? 

Hanamaki: SPILL THE TEA

Oikawa: LIKE HE SENT ME A SNAP LOOKIN ALL SMUG IN SHIT W A PEACE SIGN AND MAD DOG-CHAN WAS IN THE BACKGROUND SLEEPING ON HIS BED SHIRTLESS?????

Iwaizumi: Guys they started dating at the end of their second year.

Oikawa: what 

Matsukawa: ? 

Hanamaki: !?!!!!!

Iwaizumi: Yea, like Kyoutani came to me and asked me what to do about his crush

Iwaizumi: He was real conflicted about it, ya know? Like I think he just has his dad and he's super strict and traditional 

Matsukawa: Yea, that's rough

Oikawa: Awh poor mad dog-chan :(

Iwaizumi: I'm surprised you didn't notice Tooru

Oikawa: I think it's fair to say there was a lot of stuff to distract me towards the end of last year 

Oikawa: like i knew they were mad crushing i just never knew they actually got past that point 

Hanamaki: they make a surprisingly cute couple

Matsukawa: they remind me of Hajime and Tooru 

Hanamaki: HOLY SHIT THEY FUCKING DO

Hanamaki: THEYRE LIKE SECOND GENERATION HAJIME AND TOORU

Hanamaki: HAJIME AND TOORU 2.0

Oikawa: ?? i don't see it

Iwaizumi: me either 

Matsukawa: ya know the grumpy aloof kid and the cunning pretty one 

Hanamaki: and yahabas captain and kyoutani is his ace

Iwaizumi: But Yahaba is less annoying 

Oikawa: MEANNN IWA-CHAN

-

Matsukawa quite frankly couldn't believe how fast the year had gone by. Sometimes he felt like he was still in high school, trying to figure out what to do about his giant crush on his best friends. In his opinion it was a little unsettling how quickly time moved. But nevertheless the school year was coming to an end. Which also meant that the bane of Matsukawa's existence was approaching: Finals

"I never thought there would be a day in my life where I would stress over remembering different marketing techniques." Matsukawa complained, further sprawling himself out across the couch, disturbing his study materials. 

"You should take a break," his boyfriend suggested from his place at the kitchen table, "You've been at it for an hour." 

"This is it," Matsukawa continued on dramatically, "This is how I die. Finals are going to kill me." 

Iwaizumi looked up from his own text book to roll his eyes. "Issei, you've got amazing study habits and grades. I'm sure you'll pass all your exams."  

"Yea but that's not gonna stop me from hardcore stressing." he returned.

"Alright, I think we've both studied enough for tonight." Iwaizumi decided, "We're gonna relax and watch movies and give our minds a break."

"But Hajime-" Matsukawa began to protest.

"Nope, there's no reason to continue stressing ourselves out. It's better to relax and take a break and study tomorrow." Iwaizumi explained as he began gathering study supplies to clean up. 

After minimal protest Matsukawa conceded and helped clean up and pick out a movie. Well more like he chose one and Iwaizumi went along with it. That's how they ended up cuddled together, illuminated by the soft light that their old TV emitted as they watched The Lady and The Tramp. 

-

Hanamaki: Finals have got me lost in the sauce

Iwaizumi: I still don't get what that means 

Hanamaki: L O S T I N  T H E  S A U C E 

Iwaizumi: This hasn't helped my comprehension of the saying 

Iwaizumi: I'm gonna google it 

Oikawa: Hajime you need to catch up with all the new lingo

Matsukawa: Haijme is basically a 50 y/o man 

Iwaizumi: Why couldn’t you just say you were confused?? What’s the point of being lost in the sauce?

Hanamaki: Bc i'm what the kids call hip and i know all the lingo

Oikawa: nerd

Iwaizumi: What's so confusing Taka 

Hanamaki: I mean like besides the overwhelming reality of human existence? English 

Hanamaki: ITS SO HARD 

Matsukawa: lmaooooo nah high school english did nothing for me

Oikawa: Sameeee my english is horrible

Iwaizumi: I can barely hold a simple conversation 

Iwaizumi: But Taka your English is pretty good I've heard you speak a little

Hanamaki: But the grammar is enough to give me the worst migraine of my lifeeeeeeee

Oikawa: Awh sorry we can't help

Hanamaki: it's ok! There's this American exchange student in one of my classes. Her Japanese is good and luckily she's helping me with some of my English 

Matsukawa: Awh that's sweet!

Hanamaki: yeee, Ive made a few good friends. Everyone on campus has been pretty chill, it's a nice change from high school

Matsukawa: Yea ive found nobody really gives that much of a fuck in college 

Oikawa: true it's real lax 

Oikawa: What happened to Hajime 

Matsukawa: He's out rn. I REALLLY wanted some sour patch kids and he actually went to go get some

Hanamaki: need me a freak like that 

Matsukawa: you literally have a freak like that 

Oikawa: now I want sour patch kids 

-

Hanamaki was usually rather relaxed, but college was unbelievably hectic. It had him running from class to class, leaving half finished notes strewn across his desk and sleeping at odd hours.  However, it did keep him busy, distracted even. Which was what Hanamaki needed. He needed something to keep his mind off of how much he missed his boyfriends. It was like a constant ache that had settled in his chest. It had stayed there the entirety of the year, following him around. Hanamaki still couldn't believe his first year as a college student was coming to an end and that throughout the entire year the four of them had only gotten together once. Along with the end of the year approaching came their one-year anniversary. And they had promised to all get together again. 

Soon. He'd see them soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the holidays have been a bit hectic!! in the next chapter their first year of college will be done! 
> 
> Also the reason I didn’t write about Hanamaki comin out to his mom is bc I plan to write another series based their coming out stories
> 
> as always constructive criticism is welcome.   
> AND THANK YOU FOR THE COMMENTS AND KUDOS!! (tbh the comments i got were the thing that motivated me to get it together and finish this chapter)
> 
> I wish you all happy holidays!!!
> 
> my tumblr- happytreasuree


	4. I Don't Keep Love Around Anymore

Oikawa absolutely hated finals. For one thing he was absolute shit at dealing with stress. He hated trying to cram his brain full of information until the late hours of the night. Unfortunately, if he got too stressed he'd often relapse and end up harming himself. Since he'd gotten to college he'd gotten better at talking to someone when he felt like doing something rash. He knew he had options, he could text or call his boyfriends. He could even ask Kuroo to hang out with him so he would be occupied. Oikawa began to bite one of his fingernails off as he paced the length of his bedroom. Before he could make any other decisions he quickly picked up his phone and dialed Hanamaki’s number. He let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding in as the phone rang. As much as he really didn't want to talk to somebody right now he knew hearing Hanamaki's voice would make him feel better and calm him down. However, instead of hearing Hanamaki he heard a voice instructing him to leave a message after the beep which left Oikawa confused. It was odd for Hanamaki to not answer his phone. Although before Oikawa could call again he received a text.

'Hiro♡: Hey babe sorry I'm really busy rn running errands and studying. What did u need?

Oikawa bit his lip. How could he forget that Hanamaki was probably just as stressed? He had to stop being selfish and relying on others. He shot Hanamaki a quick text dismissing the call as an accident.   
Maybe a walk would help. No, it was getting late, and wandering around the city at night wouldn't be smart. Suddenly, Oikawa tasted blood, he looked down to find it pooling at the edge of his fingernail. Fuck, that'd hurt like a bitch during volleyball. He stopped his pacing to sit down and try and turn his attention to the book in that was in front of him. His eyes bore holes into the pages but he retained none of the information. His heart felt like it was beating a mile a minute. Fuck, he hadn't had a panic attack in a long while. His palms pressed into his eyes as he tried to steady his breathing, but nothing seemed to be working. The tears slipped past his hands and he pressed them harder into his skin. He really wanted to call one of his boyfriends, but he knew he had to stop being so demanding. 

Oikawa woke up the next morning with his face smushed in a textbook and the urgent need to pee. He groggily got up to use the bathroom. On his way out he caught a look of himself in the mirror. His eyes still looked red from crying and his hair was sticking up in different directions, probably from pulling on it. In other words, Oikawa looked like shit. He really needed to get it together. He couldn't really remember if he had relapsed, his mind was kind of clouded by the panic attack.  
He tentatively pulled up his shirt and immediately cringed at the angry red lines running across his stomach. That wasn't good, he was meeting up with his boyfriends after finals which were in a few days. Oikawa sighed dropping his shirt, he'd deal with it later. 

 

-

Hanamaki: finals are almost over i can't wait to see you guysssss.

Matsukawa: same i only got 1 more exam 

Iwaizumi: Ugh I have two more

Matsukawa: i can't wait to get them over with!!!!!!

Hanamaki: fuckin same. I wish you could all come to Kyoto but i think going to hajime and issei's place works best  

Matsukawa: ye i like having our own space

Iwaizumi: where's tooru they haven't been in the chat in a while 

Oikawa: i don't know her 

Hanamaki: found her 

Matsukawa: what have u been up to

Oikawa: stupid stuff bc i finished my final exam yesterday

Iwaizumi: oh no what'd u do

Oikawa: went to a party

Matsukawa: are we gonna have a repeat of tooru's black out drunk phase

Oikawa: i'd argue but i got fuckin wasted last night

Iwaizumi: tooru u gotta stop doing that 

Oikawa: i'm an adult i got it 

Oikawa: but i may have a new piercing 

Iwaizumi: god dammit tooru 

Hanamaki: wait where

Oikawa:   
[one image attached] 

Oikawa: it's just my cartilage but i kinda like it

Hanamaki: ohhhh cute i only have my firsts but i rarely wear them 

Matsukawa: make sure it doesn't get infected 

Oikawa: i will!!

-

"Tooru, I still can't believe you got your cartilage pierced." Kenma said fussing over him the next time they saw him.

"It's nothing Kenma-Chan, besides you have like three cartilage piercings and you did them yourself!" Oikawa defended.

"But I was sober." Kenma reminded him. 

"You worry to much Kenma-Chan!" Oikawa said waving him off.

"I worry the perfect amount for someone in my situation!" Kenma argued.

"Okay okay, let's just watch something, yeah?" Oikawa suggested, waving the remote.

Kenma frowned but let it go, agreeing to settle down and watch  
TV. It'd become a little ritual of their's. Whenever Kuroo was out they'd sit down and snuggle up with a movie and snacks. However, instead of relaxing them as the suggestion of movies usually did, it instead left Kenma concerned. Oikawa was definitely trying to change the subject which meant getting wasted last night probably went deeper than celebrating the end of finals.

-

Hanamaki: YOOOOO TODAY IS THE FUVKING DAY

Iwaizumi: I'm excited to see you guys again. It's been too long

Matsukawa: i'm so glad finals are over 

Hanamaki: same it'll be nice to relax without all that pressure

Iwaizumi: We'll also all be able to get together when we go to Miyagi  
over break 

Hanamaki: WE CAN SEE ISSEIS DOG

Matsukawa: i miss lucky sm

Matsukawa: hey ‘hiro how close are u?

Hanamaki: i'll be there in like 15 min 

Oikawa: hey guys sorry i'm running a lil late ill be there in 4 hours :/

Iwaizumi: It's ok we'll wait for you.

-

Fortunately, Oikawa arrived a little earlier than expected and decided to surprise his boyfriends at the house instead of texting them to tell them he had made it.

When Oikawa finally made it to their apartment it was rather late at night. He wondered if they stayed up to wait for him. Using the key under the welcome mat he opened the door. When he didn't see anybody in the foyer he thought that maybe they actually did already go to bed. After shutting the door behind him he ventured further back into the apartment, assuming they were in the bedroom. However, once he was in a few feet of the bedroom door he heard Hanamaki, who was particularly loud, moan. With the mystery solved Oikawa decided to wait them out and went to lay on the couch. He was, of course, a little annoyed that his boyfriends decided to fuck instead of wait for him, but he couldn't really blame them that much considering they'd all been separated for a while. Although after ten minutes Oikawa's eyes felt heavy, and he decided to cut his losses and sleep on the couch.

At about ten in the morning Oikawa woke himself up by rolling off the couch. He let out a groan and probably would have stayed on the ground if the next thing he heard wasn't the sound of a glass breaking and someone whispering "What the fuck?". So, he begrudgingly picked himself off the ground to face no other then Matsukawa, who was in the kitchen adjacent from him. Glass shards from a mug and split coffee surrounded his feet. 

"Oh, Tooru, fucking hell you scared the shit out of me. I had no idea you were here. We couldn't get a hold of you last night, so we assumed you were coming today," Matsukawa explained.

Oikawa shrugged, "I got here a little earlier then I thought I would, I was gonna surprise you guys but you were fucking, and I kinda fell asleep on the couch." 

Carefully tiptoeing his way past the glass Matsukawa quickly made his way over to Oikawa to pull him into a hug. "I missed you, Tooru. I'm sorry we weren't here to greet you."

"S'fine you're here now. Are the others still asleep?" Oikawa asked.

"Yeah, they definitely tired themselves out last night." Matsukawa joked, "Do you want me to go wake them up?" 

"Nah, let them sleep." Oikawa said.

"You sure?" 

"Yeah. Let me help you clean up this mess." he said changing the subject.  
   
-

The four of them had been together for two days and Iwaizumi could tell something was definitely bothering Oikawa. He kept avoiding anything too intimate and denied any lingering touches which was unusual for him. It seemed as if a barrier had been built between Oikawa and the rest of them. He wanted to talk to him but he also didn't want to start anything. 

That's why Iwaizumi was surprised when one morning while the other two made dinner Oikawa let Iwaizumi kiss him. And it wasn't just a peck on the lips like Oikawa had been allowing all week. He actually reciprocated, moving into Iwaizumi's touches. So, naturally he began to move his hands up Oikawa's sides and eventually under his shirt. Immediately Oikawa's hand shot out to rip his away, but it was too late, he'd felt to risen and scabbed skin on Oikawa's stomach.

"Don't." Oikawa warned.

"Tooru...you-" 

There impending conversation was cut of by the loud ringing of Matsukawa's phone.

"Oh, sorry I forgot to turn my ringer off." he said before quickly picking up the phone to answer. 

Iwaizumi would have continued their conversation if it wasn't for the pain-filled tone Matsukawa began talking in.

"Yeah, no, no, yeah, I understand, I'll be down there as soon as I can." Matsukawa said, slowly taking the phone away from his ear to end the call.

"Issei, what's wrong?" Hanamaki immediately asked.

Matsukawa took a shaky breath in before answering, "It's Lucky, his stomach turned and their not sure he's gonna make it. I'm really sorry guys but I want to go home and see him if they have to put him down." 

"Of course, we understand." Iwaizumi reassured him.

“Do you want us to come, Issei?” Oikawa offered.

“No, no, it’s too expensive for all us to travel down to Miyagi.”

"Do you want help packing?" Hanamaki asked.

"Uh, Yeah, sure." Matsukawa answered, rushing out of the room. 

Iwaizumi opted to stay and watch Oikawa instead, knowing he was probably panicking, thinking Iwaizumi was angry with him and that Matsukawa wasn't okay. It took all of fifteen minutes for Matsukawa to pack a small bag and give them each a kiss and a hug before hurrying out the door.

"I really hope Lucky is okay." Hanamaki said, beginning to pace the room.

"I'm sure he'll be okay, and even if he isn't we'll be there for Issei," Iwaizumi said, hoping to comfort his worrying boyfriend.  

Oikawa sat on the edge of the couch, trying to bite at a fingernail he'd already bitten off. 

"Tooru, we still need to talk," Iwaizumi reminded him.

"No, we don't, this is about Issei, we need to be there for him if his dog dies." Oikawa snapped.

That was the thing, Iwaizumi thought, Oikawa never wanted attention focused on his bad habits or faults. He always directed it away to something he deemed more important than himself. "Tooru, you can't just sweep this under the rug."

"Woah, wait what's going on?" Hanamaki interjected. 

"Tooru's been self-harming again." Iwaizumi said, despite the death glare Oikawa was giving him.

"Tooru...why you didn't tell us?" Hanamaki asked walking over to him, but Oikawa turned away, curling in on himself.

"Because I didn't want you to know that's why," Oikawa said, crossing his arms defensively.

"I thought you said you were gonna get better," Iwaizumi said, persistent on getting Oikawa to talk.

"I'm fucking trying," Oikawa said, turning further away from him. 

"Doesn't look like it," Iwaizumi grumbled.

"Hajime!" Hanamaki said, shocked.

"Fuck you, I don't need to tell you everything, Iwa-Chan," Oikawa mocked, clenching his fists.

"Stop acting so childish. You’re in a relationship with three other people, you need to be able to talk with us, Tooru." Iwaizumi said, sternly.

"You guys say that but you aren't always there! Sometimes you’re busy and I need to be able to take care of myself, I'm a fucking adult am I not?" Oikawa yelled.

"But you act like a fucking child!" Iwaizumi retorted, "There's three of us! You could have done something!"

"Guys stop!" Hanamaki pleaded.

"It's not that easy, Iwa-Chan." Oikawa sneered.

"Maybe, but you make it harder than it has to be! God, I just can't fucking deal with you sometimes." he said, beginning to raise his voice.

"Good, you don't have to." Oikawa screamed, voice breaking as he got off he couch to grab the nearest jacket.

"Tooru, what are you doing?" Hanamaki asked.

"I'm going on a walk," Oikawa said firmly.

"Tooru, wait you don't know the city and it's getting late," Hanamaki reasoned.

"Don't fucking care," Oikawa said, slamming the door behind him.

"Fuck, are you happy?" Hanamaki said, turning to Iwaizumi, who threw his hands up in exasperation. "I'm not saying it's your fault, Hajime. You both acted stupid, but did you really think that was the best way to go about it?" 

"Whatever, lets go find him before he does something stupid," Iwaizumi huffed.

"No, I'll go find him because quite frankly I don't think he wants to see you," Hanamaki snapped, heading out the door after pulling on some shoes.

Iwaizumi let out a sigh, putting his elbows on his knees and resting his head in his hands. He knew he fucked up. Usually he'd handle these situations with a little more tact but the fact that Oikawa was continuously hiding everything, as if he couldn't trust them. It just made his blood boil.

He pulled out his phone, dialing Oikawa's number despite having only 10% battery left. He knew Oikawa probably wouldn’t answer but he didn't care. He wanted to make sure he was okay. He felt a sickening feeling when he heard Oikawa's phone ringing. He quickly dialed Hanamaki’s number, hoping maybe he had found Oikawa. However, he heard it ringing in the other room as well. He tossed his phone on the couch, knowing it could die on him in any minute. Both his boyfriends were out in a city they didn't know very well at night without their phones. Iwaizumi knew it maybe wasn't the best idea to go looking for them, but he felt like he couldn't just sit around doing nothing.

-

Oikawa could see his short panicked breaths in the cold air surrounding him. He pulled the jacket he had on tighter around himself. It was Iwaizumi's, it even smelt like him which did nothing to calm Oikawa's raging emotions. He wasn't surprised when he felt tears slipping down his cheeks. He hastily wiped the in order to see where he was going, not that it really mattered since he had no idea where he was. 

All he knew was the for the first time in his life he wanted to get as far away from Iwaizumi Hajime as possible.

-

Matsukawa: Guys we have to put Lucky down...

Matsukawa: Guys?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye im back  
> i got this written faster then i thought i would  
> anyway i thought it was abt time for some drama  
> ALSO SORRY I KILLED OFF THE DOG  
> my tumblr -happytreasuree


	5. Said By Someone Stronger Than Me

Time passed faster than Hanamaki thought it would. He had been dragging his feet so much he just expected time to follow suit. But there he was, finishing up the first semester of his sophomore year in college. He sighed as he rested his head in his hands, looking at his grades online. They were slipping, barely, but it was still more than he would like. The past few months had taken their toll on him. He still remembered the night things broke down. The yelling was stuck in his head on repeat. It kept him up at night. How did he let it happen? He played things over in his head thousands of times, trying to think of ways he could've held them together. He remembered it all so clearly after all. The events began to flicker through his head like a slideshow. So, once again he let that night consume his thoughts

-

_Hanamaki rubbed his hands up and down his arms in a futile attempt to warm up. He had no idea how he had managed to forget a jacket. Then again, he never was good at thinking clearly when he was mad. A part of him still couldn't believe Oikawa and Iwaizumi were acting so ridiculously but another part knew that this was partially his own fault. He should have noticed the signs. Oikawa had been distancing himself from the three of them lately which Iwaizumi hadn't been taking well, and Matsukawa had been particularly quiet._

_And what about him? Was he putting everything he had into their relationship? Hanamaki shook his head, trying to focus on his mission. He needed to find Oikawa. Although, maybe he should have let Iwaizumi come along because he had no fucking idea where he was going. He stopped his speed-walking for a moment, to collect his thoughts. Where could Oikawa have gone? A park, probably. And the only one he and Oikawa knew of was about three miles from the apartment. He reached into his pocket to grab his phone so he could use Google Maps, only to find he had no phone because he was in his pajamas that were, of course, pocketless. Well, it looked like he was on his own then. It took him a few minutes to find a familiar landmark, but once he found something he remembered, he was able to tell where to go and he was off. He jogged down the sidewalks, with only the streetlights to guide him, until he made it to his destination. Luckily, Hanamaki's prediction had been right. There Oikawa was, slumped on one of the swings, halfheartedly rocking back and forth. Before he could think twice, he was already running up to Oikawa, making a divot in the mulch. As he stopped in front of him, Oikawa hastily wiped his eyes._  
  
_"I guess it was pretty obvious where I went, huh?" Oikawa sniffled._  
  
_"Well, we only know a few places in the city," Hanamaki confirmed, taking a seat on the swing beside Oikawa's._  
  
_"Is Hajime on his way?"_  
  
_"I told him to give you some space, but I don't know if he's gonna listen."_  
  
_"So, he's probably in his way right now?" Oikawa grumbled._  
  
_"Probably," Hanamaki said with a shrug, "Hey, can I use your phone to text him? I forgot mine."_  
  
_"Oh, I forgot mine too." Oikawa admitted._  
  
_"Well, I guess we just wait then."_  
  
_"Hmm," Oikawa hummed noncommittally._  
  
_"Tooru, are you okay?"_  
  
_"I don't want to talk about it." he responded flatly._  
  
_Hanamaki decided to let Oikawa cool down, lest he cause another outburst. He instead turned his attention to the mulch beneath his feet. His mind wandered with the silence the cool night provided. He thought of how happy Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and Matsukawa made him, and then he thought of how upset Oikawa had been lately._  
  
_"Tooru, do we make you happy?" Hanamaki asked. When he didn't get a response he looked over, only to find Oikawa asleep, cheek pressed against the handle of the swing. He decided it was best to let his him sleep._  
  
_"You didn't bring a jacket."_  
  
_Hanamaki jumped at the voice behind him, turning to see Iwaizumi. His boyfriend gave him a sad look before settling his gaze on Oikawa._  
  
_"He's sleeping," Hanamaki explained._  
  
_Iwaizumi nodded, before shrugging off his own jacket. Hanamaki knew there was no use refusing, as Iwaizumi wouldn't take no for an answer, but he still mumbled a feeble "you don't have to." When Iwaizumi just gave him a stern look, Hanamaki threw the jacket on. "Thank you," he said before moving to shake Oikawa awake._  
  
_"No, it's fine," Iwaizumi protested, "I'll carry him back."_  
  
_Hanamaki slowly coaxed a half-asleep Oikawa, who was more then willing to cling to the nearest warm body, onto Iwaizumi's back._  
  
_"He's the heaviest sleeper I've ever met." Hanamaki muttered._  
  
_The walk was quiet; it would've been almost peaceful if it hadn't been for the underlying tension. However, the situation had cooled down and Hanamaki let his thoughts drift in lieu of dealing with his current problems. Thoughts about school and home and- fuck. Hanamaki suddenly remembered none of them had been in contact with Matsukawa for hours._  
  
_"Shit! Hajime, how far are we from the house?"_  
  
_"Uh, a block. Why?" Iwaizumi responded._  
  
_"Issei!" Hanamaki explained, "Do you have your phone?"_  
  
_"Fuck, no, it was almost dead, so I-"_  
  
_Hanamaki didn't wait for the rest of his explanation before he started running down the street. He needed to talk to Matsukawa. Hanamaki was thankful that the door was unlocked as he rushed into the house, desperately searching for his phone. He quickly snatched it up when he spotted it laying on the bedroom dresser, heart dropping when the screen lit up, and he saw that he had three missed calls and ten unread Skype messages._  
  
_Matsukawa: Guys, we have to put Lucky down._  
  
_Matsukawa: Guys?_  
  
_Matsukawa: Is everything okay?_  
  
_Matsukawa: I'm worried someone text me asap_  
  
_Matsukawa: seriously jfc you guys are usually glued to your phones_  
  
_Matsukawa: Please answer. I need you_  
  
_Matsukawa: I can't do this by myself_  
  
_Matsukawa: fuck_  
  
_Matsukawa: I have to go_  
  
_Matsukawa: they're putting him down now...I gotta go say goodbye_  
  
_Hanamaki felt tears running down his cheeks as he quickly pushed the call button. The phone was still ringing when he heard the door open. He rushed out of the room to see Iwaizumi deposit a still sleeping Oikawa on the couch._  
  
_"Taka, what's wrong?" Iwaizumi asked when he saw his face._  
  
_"We weren't there-and Lucky and we left- we left Issei all alone-" Hanamaki babbled; however, he quickly shut up when the ringing stopped and he heard Matsukawa's voice._  
  
_"'Hiro?" Matsukawa's voice was hoarse, like he'd just been crying too._  
  
_"Issei, Issei, Issei," Hanamaki cried, "I'm so sorry- we just- we weren't there for you, we were so stupid. I'm so sorry-"_  
  
_"'Hiro," Matsukawa cut him off, "Is everyone alright?"_  
  
_"Yes, we’re all fine, we just-" Hanamaki whispered, cutting himself off, feeling even more guilty that they'd made Matsukawa worry._  
  
_"Then I have to go, my mom is really torn up about it and I feel horrible. I don't think I'll be back to Osaka while everyone's there." Matsukawa's voice was cold, "Bye 'Hiro." Hanamaki's heart broke when he heard the telltale click that signaled the end of a call._  
  
_He woke up early the next morning, after Iwaizumi brought him to bed. He walked into the kitchen in search of a water only to find Oikawa sitting on the couch with his knees pulled up to his chest, his chin resting on them. Hanamaki noticed his bags were sitting next to him, packed and ready to go._  
  
_"Tooru?" Hanamaki whispered._  
  
_"I think we were foolish to think this could work." Oikawa sighed._  
  
_"What do you-"_  
  
_"Maybe its better if we take a break," Oikawa suggested as he looked away from Hanamaki._  
  
_"Tooru, what the hell? No, it's not better! Hold on, let me-"_  
  
_"Don't get Hajime." Oikawa warned._  
  
_"Tooru, we need to talk about this!" Hanamaki protested._  
  
_"I've got a train to catch," Oikawa said calmly. Hanamaki watched, dumbfounded, as he stood from the couch and grabbed his bags._  
  
_"Tooru!" Hanamaki yelled. He quickly made his way over to him and grabbed him by the shoulder. Oikawa shrunk away from his touch as if burned and Hanamaki let his hand drop. "Please, think about what you're doing Tooru!" Hanamaki begged._  
  
_"I already did," Oikawa firmly replied. Hanamaki watched his shoulders tense as they heard the bedroom door opening. "I have to go." Oikawa pushed past Hanamaki and out the door. Hanamaki turned to look at Iwaizumi who seemed to have just woken up._  
  
_"What's with all the noise?" he asked. Hanamaki simply broke into tears._  
   
-  
 

Hanamaki rubbed at his temples in an effort to calm down. Reliving everything always got him so worked up. God, he had to stop replaying that night in his head. He knew it wasn't healthy, but he couldn't help thinking he could've done something more. After the fight, they'd kind of just drifted apart. Trust was broken and boundaries were pushed. They were all in pain, and college life wasn't slowing down just so they could get their shit together. Hanamaki couldn't put a name on what they had anymore. Oikawa had suggested a break and always gave vague explanations to what he wanted. Iwaizumi almost seemed to shut down, and had apparently accepted what had happened. And Matsukawa, well Hanamaki still felt horrible about it all. Matsukawa had just looked so hurt and betrayed. He couldn't imagine how tense things at the apartment were. He was terrified of making things worse, of trying to hold things together that others wanted broken. Maybe keeping his distance for now was best. Hanamaki was pulled from his brooding thoughts when his door was cracked open.   
   
"Hey man," Hanamaki turned to see his roommate poking his head in. "I’m making some tea. Do you want any?"   
   
"Yeah, sure," Hanamaki said, trying for a thankful smile.   
   
The one good thing that the new school year had bought was his roommate's change of heart.  The other boy had come to him looking rather embarrassed, profusely apologizing. He explained that he now understood that he had been an ass to Hanamaki the entire year. "My younger sis-brother just came out as transgender and it inspired me to actually do some research. I realize how ignorant I've been," he'd said. The apology had allowed for more comfortable living and the two decided to stay roommates since neither really had anyone else they wanted to room with. They still weren't the best of friends and didn't make an effort to interact too often, but it was still better than the tension filled situation they’d dealt with before.   
   
"Thanks, Nagai-kun." Hanamaki said when his roommate placed the cup of tea on his desk. The other smiled and mumbled "No problem," before taking his leave.  
   
Once alone Hanamaki turned his attention to the work in front of him and picked up a pencil. He couldn't let his grades slip any further.   
   
-  
   
"Hey Tooru, Kenma and I are going to grab a bite to eat. You wanna come?" Kuroo asked. He always did, even though it'd been a long time since Oikawa said yes.   
   
"No thanks, Tetsu-chan. I wouldn't want to intrude, now would I?"   
   
Kuroo pursed his lips as if debating whether to say something or not, but decided against it. "Okay, if you insist." he sighed.  
   
Oikawa clicked his tongue once Kuroo closed the door. His roommate could see right through his faux happy mood and it was getting under Oikawa's skin. He just didn't have the energy to fake happiness when he was in a foul mood, which was most of the time these days. He knew a lot of people around him were starting to notice his shift in behavior. He even got sat out during volleyball practice last week! He didn't know what he was doing anymore-he kept making irrational decisions only to have to deal with guilt and regrets later. But he felt like he couldn't stop, like he deserved all the consequences from his stupid choices. So, he rarely texted his boyfriends- were they even his boyfriends anymore?- and kept his head down. Maybe it was better this way and, even if it wasn't, Oikawa didn't think he was strong enough to believe anything else.  
   
-  
   
Matsukawa was at the end of his rope. He was sick and tired of Iwaizumi walking on egg shells around him, Oikawa cutting them off, Hanamaki’s quietness, and how none of them were making an effort to save what they had. At first he was hurt by what had happened, then he was angry and thought they could all use some time to cool down, but now? Now, Matsukawa was tired and he wanted his boyfriends to pull their heads out of their asses and realize how stupid they were all being, himself included. He was determined to set things straight. Now all he had to do was work up the courage to say something...which was easier said than done, considering how non-confrontational he usually was. Surprisingly, he managed to spit out what he wanted to say only a few days later. It didn't go quite as he planned though, but when Iwaizumi apologized for getting too close to him for the fifth time that week he kind of just lost it.  
   
"Stop fucking apologizing, Hajime, I miss you so fucking much, and I don't need you to say sorry every single damned time," Matsukawa snapped, quickly grabbing Iwaizumi's attention. Iwaizumi just gave him a dumbfounded stare. "Listen," Matsukawa continued, "I get it. You guys fucked up. I'll admit it fucking sucked to know my boyfriends were having a petty fight while I was watching my childhood pet die," Iwaizumi winced at his harsh words, "but there's nothing we can do about it now. You wanna make it up to me? Please just act like you love me again, not like I'm a goddamn stranger because I love you so fucking much it hurts."   
   
Matsukawa anger left him and he was filled with relief when he felt Iwaizumi arms pull him into a bone-crushing hug. "I love you, I love you so much." Iwaizumi whispered into his shirt.   
   
"I know. Now go pack a bag." Matsukawa urged.  
   
"What? Why?" Iwaizumi asked.  
   
"You think I was gonna be satisfied with just you? We're gonna go talk some sense into Hanamaki and Oikawa."   
   
-  
   
Matsukawa did think he'd ever seen Hanamaki look as relieved as he did when Iwaizumi and he unexpectedly greeted him at the door. He seemed to have been waiting for one of them to reach out. Probably too scared of doing it himself, too scared of opening new wounds and pushing too hard. As they spent the night at Hanamaki's, Matsukawa noticed how tense Iwaizumi looked. Oikawa and he had never settled anything. Unsaid words and much needed apologies had been brewing on Iwaizumi’s tongue for months.   
   
"You know he loves you, right?" Matsukawa whispered late at night when he caught Iwaizumi staring blankly at the ceiling.   
   
"But I don't know if he'll forgive me. I don’t know if he’ll forgive himself."   
   
"He's strong, Hajime, it'll be okay." Matsukawa reassured him.  
   
-  
   
But Oikawa Tooru was not strong.  
   
So, when his boyfriends showed up at the door, he froze. He felt like he couldn't breathe, and he sat still the entire time they gave their hearts to him. All he had to do was say yes. All he had to do was tell the people he loved that he loved them back. Then why did he feel like there was cotton stuck in his throat? No, he couldn't do it, surely things would only get worse. Surely they could never love him the same.   
   
"I already made my stance on us clear, and I’ll say it again, I think we were foolish to think this could work."   
   
He wasn't strong enough to say it, and for that he hated himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of this chapter was actually what i was planning on naming the fic at one point (i intended for this fic to be way more angsty than it is) and i was actually gona have everything resolved this chapter but why not make everyone s u f f e r 
> 
> anyway sorry this was a bit late! i try to update each story every two weeks but its exam week and i had a 3 day volleyball tournament this weekend so rip me
> 
> Also i have a beta now so now my writing wont be as shitty.
> 
> S/o to Kitty their tumblr is - tinysweetscat
> 
> anyway i hope you enjoyed


	6. I'd Rather Be Black And Blue

 

 _  
"I think I made our stance on us clear_."

 

His eyes went wide and his stomach flipped in confusion and anger. It was the feeling of being on a rollercoaster-when you reach the top and your stomach drops at the sight of the long way down. Iwaizumi felt sick. He had never really liked rollercoasters.

 

"Tooru, I don't understand. You want to break up?" Matsukawa sounded like he was about to cry, his voice as rough as sandpaper.

 

"I just think maybe we aren't cut out for long distance," Oikawa's voice was surprisingly steady, but Iwaizumi caught the obvious fidgeting of his fingers, a nervous habit of his that always gave him away.

 

Iwaizumi turned to Hanamaki, trying to gauge his reaction. He was rubbing at his eyes, trying hide his tears and keep his composure.

 

Iwaizumi's chest psychically hurt.

 

"Tooru, please, don't-" Matsukawa started, but Iwaizumi didn't let him finish. 

 

"You have to fight for it!" Iwaizumi yelled, albeit a little louder than he intended. 

 

Oikawa looked at him wide-eyed. Iwaizumi rarely raised his voice at his boyfriends. "I think I'm done fighting," Oikawa replied, voice tight. 

 

"We all love you Tooru! We love you so much, and I know damn fucking well that you love us too. Just please take a chance that we can make this work." Iwaizumi knew he sounded desperate, knew Oikawa didn't listen to reason when he was like this. But he couldn't just watch it all fall apart in front of him.

 

"I think we'll all be happier in the long run. I don't care if you guys stay together, but I can't be a part of it." 

 

Iwaizumi could hear Hanamaki audibly crying now. Oikawa refused to look, eyes focused on the wall behind them.

 

"I think you should leave," Oikawa stated.

 

The words felt like a physical blow. He could see Hanamaki shaking from them. Hanamaki didn't lose his temper much, but, at that, he stormed out of the room, only stopping to spit one word in Oikawa's direction. 

 

“Coward.”

 

Oikawa visibly flinched at Hanamaki's reaction but said nothing else. 

 

"'Hiro!" Matsukawa called, "Fuck, I'm gonna go get him." Matsukawa rushed out of the room, leaving Iwaizumi and Oikawa to themselves.

 

"I'm gonna keep fighting for this, Tooru. You're crazy if you think I won't, crazy if you think I'll just let my best friend walk away." It hurt to see the tears well up in Oikawa's eyes, but at least he was finally getting some type of reaction.

 

"He's right, ya know," Iwaizumi continued, "you're being a coward. And I'm not saying it just to be mean, Tooru. I get you're scared, I get I was an asshole that night, and that you didn't deserve half of what I said, but I can't change that now." 

 

"I'm sorry." Oikawa croaked out.

 

"No, you're fucking not!" Iwaizumi's voice was nearly yellling at this point; he had always been a little hotheaded and this was pushing his limits. "Because if you were sorry you'd do something to help fix this!" 

 

"Please go!" 

 

Iwaizumi opened his mouth to continue to argue, but Matsukawa appeared behind him, a pleading look in his eyes. "Please Hajime. Let's just go home." 

 

Iwaizumi clenched his fists, feeling his nails dig into his palms. He wanted to be mad at Matsukawa for giving up, but his boyfriend looked so tired, and Tooru was being so stubborn. 

 

Iwaizumi took one last look at Oikawa. "I still love you, Tooru. We all do."

 

Oikawa started sobbing.

 

Iwaizumi was surprised he had the strength to walk away. 

-

 

Hanamaki ran out of the dorm room, taking refuge in the luckily empty hall way. The harsh words had left his mouth without second thought. They burned his lips, spoken coldly to a person he loved so much, who didn't deserve them. Why was Oikawa doing this? 

 

Hanamaki desperately wanted to go back inside, wanted to comfort Oikawa, to plead with him, to knock some sense into him, anything really. He felt his heart racing in his chest. Every part of him wanted to believe that Oikawa still loved them and that everything would be okay. That it was all just some sick cosmic joke.

 

"'Hiro?" 

 

Hanamaki jumped at the sudden presence beside him, turning to see Matsukawa sitting next to him.

 

"Didn't mean to spook you," Matsukawa murmured.

 

Hanamaki helplessly shrugged his shoulders in response. Matsukawa opened his arms and Hanamaki gladly fell into them.

 

"Why's he acting like he doesn't love us?" 

 

"I would like to think he's just scared," Matsukawa offered weakly although he, too, sounded broken.

 

"I shouldn't have called him a coward." 

 

"Maybe not, but you have the right to get upset too," his boyfriend reasoned.

 

Matsukawa continued to hold him in his arms, before tentatively asking, "Do you wanna go home?" 

 

"Not without Tooru," he mumbled, burying his face farther into Matsukawa's chest.

 

"I think we've done all we can." 

 

"What do you mean? You heard Hajime, we have to fight for this!" Hanamaki protested.

 

"And we did," Matsukawa explained, "We went all the way to Tokyo. We made it clear as we could to Tooru that we love him. Now we just wait, I guess."

 

"Wait?" Hanamaki parroted, "For what?"

 

"Wait to see if he comes back to us." 

 

Hanamaki felt hot tears run down his face before Matsukawa hugged him tighter, kissing his forehead and shushing him.

 

-

 

_Coward._

 

They were right, he was a fucking coward. He was weak, pitiful, pathetic. There weren’t enough words in the dictionary to describe just how low Oikawa felt. Why couldn't he just let himself be fucking happy? If they'd loved him before they definitely didn't now. 

 

He crawled under the covers and let himself cry until he fell into an unrewarding sleep.

 

-

 

She awoke to achy joints and a broken heart- not the best combination. Great, it was a girl day too. Of course, on the one day Oikawa  _really_  didn't need to deal with overwhelming dysphoria. She slowly rolled over in bed to see some milk bread on the small night stand next to her bed. Kuroo, or maybe Kenma, who basically lived in their dorm with how much they visited, had probably left it there.

 

Oikawa willed her body to get up, to put up some sort of fight against the war waging in her head. It fucking hurt, it really did. She knew she'd fucked up; she'd pushed away the people she was closest to. However, she still felt like she couldn't fix what she'd done, that maybe she shouldn't fix what she'd done. 

 

They would be happier without her anyway.

 

"Girl day?" Kenma asked as she walked into the living area.

 

Oikawa raised an eyebrow. "How'd you know?"

 

"You hunch your shoulders more and kinda curl in on yourself," they explained, pouring cereal into a bowl.

 

"Aren't you perceptive, little kitten?" Oikawa purred, teasing them with Kuroo's nickname.

 

Kenma scrunched up their nose as their cheeks turned red. "Tooru..." Kenma started, their tone noticeably changed.

 

"It's very easy to tell when you want to talk about something serious, ya know." Oikawa commented, giving Kenma a questioning look as they began nervously stirring their cereal.

 

"I'm worried about you," Their stirring speed was increasing.

 

"Kenma-chan you're going to spill milk at this rate." Oikawa smiled.

 

Kenma's blush deepened when they noticed their nervous tick. "I wasn't eavesdropping, but you guys were talking kinda loud yesterday."

 

Oikawa let out a very heavy sigh, "Damn these paper thin walls and your cat-like hearing."

 

"Tooru...I know you're hurting right now." 

 

"I'll be fine, Kenma-chan!" Oikawa waved them off flippantly.

 

"I don't believe you," they stated firmly.

 

Oikawa was a little dumbstruck. Kenma would usually just take her excuses as an answer, despite of how obviously fake they were. "Don't be silly, Kenma-chan." 

 

"Can I stay with you?" Kenma asked, seemingly out of the blue.

 

"What do you mean?" Oikawa asked still confused as to what Kenma was suggesting.

 

"I, uh, I- you know I used to struggle with an eating disorder. And Kuroo used to ask me that. Whenever I had a really bad day, he'd stay with me the entire time. It helped me a lot." Kenma mumbled into their bowl.

 

"I don't need a babysitter, Kenma-chan," Oikawa said with a thin smile.

 

"No, it's not like that at all! I just want to be able to be there for you as a friend, and I don't want you to feel like you're alone in all this." Kenma quickly explained.

 

"Okay, fine," Oikawa said exasperatedly, "but I'm not talking about what happened." 

 

In a sense, Kenma's presence did help, exactly like they said it would. A movie marathon and cuddling under blankets was a nice distraction and kept Oikawa's conflicted mind at ease. She didn't even mind when Kuroo came home and crashed their party. She just cuddled closer, basking in the attention from people she cared about. These thoughts came with the chilling realization that Kuroo and Kenma were her closest friends. She felt like she should say something to show them how much she cared. Something meaningful.

 

"Thank you for the milk bread," she mumbled instead.

 

Despite their sweet smiles and synchronized "You're welcome", she still couldn't shake the unpleasant thoughts that crept up on her.

 

How long would it be until they hated her too?

 

-

 

A week passed and Oikawa didn't make any attempt to get out of the slump he was in. He instead spent his time trying to convince himself things were better this way. 

 

He tried to busy himself in everyday things. He threw himself into his grades and volleyball, offered to do more chores, and did Kenma's make up whenever they came over. Unfortunately, the kid seemed set on getting him to talk. Oikawa knew his fake smiles and cheery mood weren't fooling anybody, let alone Kenma. Still, he found doing their makeup too therapeutic to give up.

 

Kenma sat on the small bathroom counter as they usually did when Oikawa was using them as beauty test subject. Kuroo was sitting on the floor adjacent from them, watching Oikawa work. Well, his legs were on the floor, stretched out until they were halfway out of the tiny shower he'd stowed himself in due to limited space. Oikawa found it kind of gross considering they technically shared the bathroom with the room next to them, even if their neighbors were rarely in their dorms.

 

"When are you going to fix things?" Kenma suddenly asked as Oikawa was applying their eyeliner. Kuroo raised an eyebrow at their boldness while Oikawa's flinched in surprise, horribly messing up the sleek, clean line. "Kenma-chan!" he whined.

 

"Sorry. I didn't mean to mess you up," Kenma apologized as Oikawa wiped at the mistake. 

 

"S'fine," Oikawa muttered.

 

"But maybe you should talk to them," Kenma suggested.

 

Oikawa sighed, lowering the eyeliner pencil. "Kenma-chan, I really don't think it'll help."

 

"But you don't know that!" Kenma pointed out. "I just hate seeing you mope around all the-" 

 

"I don't mope around!" Oikawa protested, cutting in.

 

"You definitely mope," Kuroo interjected.

 

"Shut up, shower goblin." Oikawa quipped.

 

Kuroo snorted, but managed to stay on topic, "Okay, but Kenma's right. You really should talk to them. It's clear you miss them." 

 

"And don't text them!" Kenma scolded when they caught Oikawa eyeing his phone lying near the sink.

 

"Well then, what do you suggest I do?" 

 

"I dunno, go visit them maybe?" Kuroo said from his shower cave.

 

"I don't have the time," Oikawa protested.

 

"Let's go right now," Kuroo suggested.

 

"Excuse me?" Oikawa said, arching an eyebrow.

 

"It's still fairly early and we don't have practice later today or tomorrow." 

 

"Yeah, let's go!" Kenma chimed in.

 

"I mean… do I have a choice?" Oikawa groaned.

 

"No. I will literally drag you all the way there if I have to," Kenma stated, sounding scarily determined. 

 

"But 'Hiro isn't in the same place as Hajime and Issei anyway." Oikawa said, making one last attempt to avoid his problems.

 

"Actually Hanamaki's still in Osaka with them. His school has been closed for the past week because a water pipe burst." Kenma pointed out.

 

"Wait, how do you know that?!" Oikawa questioned, surprised.

 

"I follow him on twitter." 

 

"You follow my boyfriend on twitter?!" 

 

"I follow all your boyfriends on twitter, actually." Kenma corrected.

 

"Fine. At least let me finish your make up." Oikawa huffed, moodily.

 

-

 

"I don't know why I ever agreed to this!" Oikawa groaned, "I'm so stupid." 

 

"You never know what's gonna happen until you take a chance." Kenma mentioned for the umpteenth time. 

 

Oikawa petulantly crossed his arms and sighed. Why did he do this to himself? In the moment with his best friends' encouragement, the decision to go see his boyfriends had just kind of felt right. But a five-hour train ride provided a lot of thinking time, and Oikawa's doubts and insecurities came rushing back full force.

 

"Having some sense of closure is always better anyway." Kuroo whispered gently, "And I think this is probably eating away at them too." 

 

"I was so horrible to them." 

 

"It was messy, and they're probably gonna be hurt, and they have the right to be. They won't always know how to deal with you and you can't expect them to. But it's all about communication, give and take, ya know?" Kuroo said. 

 

"I just...I just wish I didn't fuck things up so much." 

 

-

 

Matsukawa was oddly reminded of candles. How the intense, smoldering heat eats away at the vulnerable wax until there's nothing left but a burnt thread, barely there. That's kind of what it had felt like for the past few weeks. What it felt like to catch Hanamaki crying on the couch at three in the morning, what it felt like to see Iwaizumi restlessly pace up and down the halls. This happened a lot too, him getting caught up in his thoughts and spacing out. 

 

"Walk to the park with me?" Hanamaki asked, effectively grabbing his attention. He probably wanted to go on the swings again. It was something he'd always found relaxing, and Matsukawa was glad to indulge him.

 

"Hmm. Is Hajime coming?" Matsukawa hummed.

 

"He’s still sleeping." Hanamaki yawned.

 

"Okay, just lemme put on shoes." 

 

The walk was quiet. Matsukawa had always appreciated the option of comfortable silence that came with their relationship. 

 

"What the fuck?" Hanamaki breathed.

 

The sudden not-so-quiet statement definitely garnered Matsukawa's attention. "What?"

 

"I swear to god, I just saw Kozume," Hanamaki said with furrowed eyebrows.

 

"Tooru's Kozume?" Matsukawa questioned, picking up his pace to catch up to Hanamaki, who had turned and started walking in the opposite direction. 

 

"Kozume?" Hanamaki asked once he caught up to the small figure he'd seen walking past him. 

 

Thankfully, the face that looked up at him was Kenma's, albeit they had a full face of makeup on. 

 

"Hanamaki?" Kenma said startled.

 

"Kozume, what are you doing in Osaka? Is Tooru with you? Do you know where they are?" 

 

"Jeez, 'Hiro no need to give them the third degree," Matsukawa stepped in, preventing his boyfriend from interrogating Kenma further.

 

"Uh, I don't know if I can answer any of your questions." Kenma mumbled apologetically, looking down.

 

Hanamaki dramatically whined, and Matsukawa placed a hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

 

"We're sorry to bother you, Kozume." Matsukawa said, giving him a small smile, "And if you're staying in the city for a while, feel free to drop by." 

 

Kenma gave a small nod and a 'See you soon' before scurrying off.

 

Hanamaki pouted. "I was really hoping Tooru was gonna be with them.", he sighed.

 

Matsukawa wrapped his arms tighter around Hanamaki, "You never know." 

 

-

 

Kenma and Kuroo sat with him in the stairwell of his boyfriends' apartment. Oikawa pulled at the fraying strings of one of the laces on his shoes. He was lucky he wasn't with Kenma when they ran into Hanamaki and Matsukawa earlier on their trip to the corner store for snacks. Oikawa wasn't sure what he would've done if he'd seen them before he was ready. 

 

"We're not gonna force you to do anything, Tooru, but I'll be honest with you. If you walk away now, I think you'll be making a huge mistake." Kenma spoke softly. 

 

"I gotta be brave then, I guess." Oikawa sighed pushing himself up off the stairs.

 

Kuroo and Kenma both gave him encouraging smiles. 

 

"Text us if everything's okay, and we'll go get dinner. If not, we'll be right out here." Kuroo reassured.

 

Oikawa made his journey to the front door as slow as possible. He contemplated just using the spare key to open the door, but it felt like something he didn't have the right to do anymore. He settled for knocking. 

 

Oikawa wasn't sure what he was expecting from his boyfriends when one of them inevitably opened the door. A door slammed in his face? A slap? To be yelled at and and told to fuck off? He definitely wasn't expecting Hanamaki to answer the door, stare at him blankly, and then pull him into a bone crushing hug. 

 

"You asshole!" Hanamaki cried into his shoulder.

 

"I'm sorry," Oikawa offered pathetically. He wanted to say so much more, wanted to pour his heart out to them as they'd once done to him. 

 

"Get in here, you have a lot of explaining to do," Hanamaki said, roughly pulling him inside.

 

"Tooru?!" Matsukawa gasped, quickly getting up off the couch. 

Oikawa was pulled into yet another unrelenting hug. 

 

"Why are you guys being so welcoming?" Oikawa murmured.

 

"Because we love you," A voice said from across the room.

 

Oikawa raised his gaze to see Iwaizumi, who was leaning against a door frame, arms crossed.

 

"But I was so horrible!" Oikawa protested.

 

"That only made loving you hurt, it didn't make us hate you.  " 

 

Oikawa rubbed his eyes, looking away from Iwaizumi's intense stare.

 

"Do I get a hug too?" 

 

Oikawa felt his heart skip a beat as he looked to Iwaizumi once more. He gave Oikawa a small smile and uncrossed his arms, opening them wide. Oikawa nearly tripped over himself making his way to Iwaizumi.

 

"We'll figure it out, yeah?" Iwaizumi whispered into ear.

 

"Yeah," Oikawa confirmed. 

 

It wasn’t over yet.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyo thanks to everyone who's stuck with this story so far yo. It's getting p long
> 
> anyway sorry about the continued angst dw the story will def have a happy ending!!
> 
> I took the title from quiet by troye sivan bc i love that song and it kinda fits this chapter Also Kitty pointed out that King by Lauren Aquillina matches w the story too (you should give it a listen)
> 
> ty to kitty for betaing!! their tumblr- tinysweetscat
> 
> anyway please give me feedback and constructive criticism!!! Kudos and comments are my biggest motivators 
> 
> catch me on tumblr @ happytreasuree


	7. Through Times Thick and Thin

Oikawa hadn't moved for a good thirty minutes. After the four of them had all decided they'd figure it out in the morning, he had texted Kenma and Kuroo to let them know that he was okay. Then, he did the only logical thing one could do after being separated from the ones they loved for a long period of time: gather just about every blanket in the apartment and force everyone to get on the bed and cuddle with him. Of course, there were no objections. 

 

However, the next morning was a little more awkward because Iwaizumi, being the responsible one, actually made them talk it out. 

 

"I'm sorry. I know, I was being pigheaded," Oikawa began but he was immediately interrupted.

 

"Hey, hey, no insulting yourself in your apologies," Hanamaki chided gently, pressing his foot against the side of Oikawa's good knee. 

 

"Fine," Oikawa blushed, looking away. "I'm sorry. I put you guys through such a hard time, it was selfish of me to think that I was the only one dealing with all this shit, and it shouldn't have taken me this long for me to realize that I don't need to do this all on my own."

 

Hanamaki grinned, leaning a head on his shoulders, "That's my-"

 

"Boy," Oikawa helpfully supplied.

 

"That's my boy," Hanamaki said, planting a kiss on his temple. 

 

"And I think I owe you an apology too, Tooru," Iwaizumi mumbled. "I really should have been more conscious of what you were going through. And I'm sorry I was so insensitive." 

 

"No, it’s okay there's no handbook to dealing with mentally ill people," Oikawa said with a small smile, "and I'm not the only one who's allowed to lose their temper." 

 

"Maybe we could work the communication a bit more?" Matsukawa suggested, sprawling his limbs across Oikawa and shoving his hands under Oikawa's shirt.

 

"Let me start. Issei, if you don't get your cold hands off my tummy, I'll break your pinkies." Oikawa deadpanned. 

 

His boyfriends broke out in laughter, and Matsukawa continued to run his literal  _ice_  hands along Oikawa's stomach, "But your tummy is so warm!" 

 

"And your hands are so cold!" Oikawa giggled, squirming and seizing his boyfriend's hand.

 

"Hmmmm, I love you," Matsukawa murmured against his ear.

 

Oikawa's breath hitched, "Love you too." he whispered back, cuddling closer to Matsukawa.

 

-

 

Yeah, talking it out had been a bit awkward, but it wasn't something that could be skipped. Or at least, Hanamaki wouldn't have let them skip it because, honestly, even one fight due to miscommunication was one too many.

 

But things had settled down into a tranquil lull now, and he quietly watched from his boyfriends from his spot on the armchair. Oikawa was quite literally laying on top of Iwaizumi, his face buried in the other's neck. In return, Iwaizumi was softly running his hands up and down Oikawa's back. They hadn't moved for a while, but Hanamaki understood that they needed time to just be together, to just exist, after having been separated by an awful fight for so long. Hanamaki sent a smile their way which Iwaizumi caught and returned. It was like a gap that had previously separated them had finally closed. 

 

A few minutes later, the sound of a door unlocking grabbed Hanamaki’s attention, and he turned his head to see Matsukawa shuffling through the door, takeout in hand. He deposited it on the table before walking over to Hanamaki and placing a kiss on his forehead.

 

"Hey babe, you hungry?" Matsukawa whispered.

 

"Mhmm," Hanamaki hummed affirmatively.

 .

Hanamaki couldn't help but think that this was the way things were supposed to be; the four of them, through thick and thin and everything in between.

 

 

-

 

Oikawa didn't even mind going back to Tokyo that much- the simple fact that they were finally together again left him with a giddy feeling for days. Of course, the hurt of separation was still there, and Oikawa knew it'd be there for a while. But things were getting easier to deal with now. Just mere days after he got back together with his boyfriends, Oikawa was reminded of how much easier things were when he didn't have to deal with them alone. And, with Oikawa's second year of college coming to an end soon, he felt confident that he could go into his third harboring far less insecurities. 

 

"Hey Kuroo, do you still wanna be roommates next year? I know you might want to room with Kenma instead." Oikawa asked one day. Kenma had been going to the same university as them for a year now, although they'd been making a bit of a lengthy commute from home every morning, and Oikawa knew they were trying to move closer to the school. 

 

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that," Kuroo began. Oikawa bit his lip- this was it. "Kenma and I were wondering if you wanted to get an apartment together." 

 

Well...that wasn't exactly what he was expecting, "Wait, what?" 

 

"We both really enjoy rooming with you, and if we all split the rent, it'll be easier to cover." Kuroo explained.

 

Oikawa wasn't really sure how to express his gratitude, he couldn't believe they were offering to live with him! "Yes! Yes! Of course, I'd be delighted to live with you guys!" Oikawa exclaimed, wrapping Kuroo in a bear hug. 

 

"I'm glad. Kenma and I would've missed you otherwise," Kuroo chuckled.

 

-

 

Iwaizumi: I’ve been thinking about telling my parents about us

 

Iwaizumi: I’m planning on visiting Miyagi after finals 

 

Matsukawa: we should all go together 

 

Oikawa: i keep avoiding telling my mom and sister 

 

Oikawa: i mean i could probably tell them about us but coming out as genderfluid is a different story

 

Hanamaki: you don't have to do anything until you're ready tooru

 

Oikawa: but what issei said, we should all go down together 

 

Hanamaki: yea hajime we'll be there for you

 

Iwaizumi: thank you guys it means a lot 

 

Oikawa: i love youuuuuuuuu

 

Iwaizumi: I love you too Tooru

 

-

 

As college finals rolled around for the second time in his life, Matsukawa Issei didn't feel as stressed as he normally would. He'd been on cloud nine as of late; having three amazing partners kinda did that for you. A few weeks after they'd gotten back together, things had simply fallen back into place. It was an easy rhythm by which they operated. Of course it  _was_ slightly thrown off by long distance, but if their fight had taught them anything, it was communication. The only thing that was concerning Matsukawa at the moment was Iwaizumi's constant anxiety over coming out to his parents. His boyfriend was constantly on edge, and as much as Iwaizumi tried to blame his stress on finals, Matsukawa wasn't buying it. Nevertheless, he decided to let it go, at least until testing was over. Besides, he himself needed to make sure he was studying adequately. So, Matsukawa made an effort to pull himself from his consuming thoughts in order to focus on the notes in front of him.

 

"Take your shirt off," Iwaizumi demanded, walking into the bedroom, textbook in hand. 

 

"Well, hello to you too." Matsukawa deadpanned, swirling around on his office chair to face Iwaizumi.

 

Instead of gracing him with a response, his boyfriend began tugging at his shirt. "May I at least ask why I'm being stripped down?" Matsukawa said, helping Iwaizumi get his shirt over his head. 

 

"I wanna look at some of the muscle groups that aren't two dimensional diagrams," Iwaizumi explained briefly.

 

"And here I was thinking you just wanted to look at my hot bod." Matsukawa joked.

 

Iwaizumi made sure to roll his eyes, although he couldn't hide his fond smile. He began pressing his fingers into Matsukawa’s bare shoulders while mumbling muscle names to himself. Although when he straightened Matsukawa's arm he frowned. "Dude, what the fuck is wrong with your arm?" Iwaizumi asked, flopping Matsukawa's limp arm back and forth.

 

"Hopefully nothing." Matsukawa answered cheerfully.

 

"Your elbows are naturally hyperextended." Iwaizumi concluded.

 

"And that entails?" 

 

"It just means your elbow can bend beyond the normal range of motion," Iwaizumi said. Although when Matsukawa simply raised an eyebrow response, he opted to roll up his sleeves and show him instead. "See how my elbow is straight but yours bends inward?" Iwaizumi said, placing his straightened arm next to Matsukawa's. 

 

"Oh my fucking God, that's so gross, my arm looks broken." Matsukawa said, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

 

"It's actually kinda cool." Iwaizumi said, continuing to prod and poke at the joint. “Usually, this ability is the result of a serious injury but your elbows just do it automatically.”

 

Matsukawa couldn’t help but smile as Iwaizumi continued to babble on about hyperextended joints. In all honesty, it was rather cute even if the subject matter kind of grossed Matsukawa out. It was nice to see how interested and passionate Iwaizumi could be when he talked about what he was studying. It reminded him of listening to Oikawa talk about constellations or when Hanamaki tried to teach him the English he was learning. It was something Matsukawa could listen to for hours, even if he didn't share the same love for what they were discussing, it was worth it to see the way their eyes lit up.

 

"Hey, are you listening?" Iwaizumi waved a hand in front of his face.

 

"Always am," Matsukawa smiled in response, pulling his boyfriend in for a loving kiss.

 

-

 

Matsukawa: hey tooru did you steal my blue hoodie?

 

Oikawa: [one image attached] 

 

Oikawa: i dunno what ur taking about 

 

Matsukawa: i'd be upset if you weren't so cute 

 

-

 

Iwaizumi thrummed his fingers against the desk as the last of his finals came to an end. Once they were dismissed, he quickly rushed out of the classroom. He needed to get home quickly as he'd procrastinated packing for tomorrow's trip. Hanamaki and Oikawa were going to meet Matsukawa and him in Miyagi.

 

Although, he couldn't stop the wave of anxiety that crashed over him whenever he thought about going home. Don't get him wrong, he loved going home to see his family and hometown, but this time all he could think about was how disappointed his parents were going be. Surely they couldn't be proud of him after he came out to them. His stomach twisted in anticipation as he imagined his mother's disappointed face. The unhappy thoughts continued to plague him as he trudged through the front door. 

 

"Hey babe!" Matsukawa greeted from the couch.

 

"Hmmm." Iwaizumi hummed noncommittally.

 

"You good?" Matsukawa questioned, leaning backwards over the couch to view Iwaizumi. 

 

"Just worried, ya know?" Iwaizumi admitted. 

 

"Regardless of what happens, we'll be there for you. You know that, right?" 

 

Iwaizumi nodded, "It's just I don't want to disappoint them, I want to be a son they can be proud of."

 

"And you are! If they can't see that, it's their loss. You're an amazing person, Hajime. Don't ever think otherwise" 

 

Iwaizumi shrugged his shoulders before making his way over to Matsukawa. His boyfriend scooted over making room, which Iwaizumi gladly took. Everything seemed a little better once Matsukawa wrapped his arms around him. Hoping it would calm his nerves, Iwaizumi let himself slowly fall asleep. He'd pack later. 

 

-

 

By the time they all made it to Miyagi, it was late in the afternoon. As per usual, they hung out at Tooru's currently empty house. And if Iwaizumi's behavior was anything to go by, he had clearly taken the time it took to get to Miyagi to stress the fuck out. Hanamaki had honestly never seen Iwaizumi look so distressed. His boyfriend was violently bouncing his leg up and down and blankly staring ahead, barely paying Oikawa, who was hanging off him, any mind. 

 

"Haji, you know your mom and dad love you! Of course, they love me more, but I'm sure you're a close second," Oikawa snickered. It was enough to bring a small smile to Iwaizumi's face, and he turned his head slightly to place a kiss on Oikawa's forehead. 

 

"I know. Tooru. It's just...I think they were betting on me settling down with a nice girl and having a few kids. I mean, they used to make jokes about you being my best man." Iwaizumi pointed out. Oikawa wrinkled her nose at the concept. 

 

"Well, you've got the nice girl part down," she said, smiling prettily, "I'm sure that's close enough." 

 

Matsukawa snorted, shifting so he too, was draped over Iwaizumi. "Yeah, 'Hiro and I are just a bonus." he added.

 

"You're my everything, that's what you are," Iwaizumi murmured, turning to leave a kiss on Matsukawa's cheek, who's face turned uncharacteristically red. 

 

"Awwww, Haji, such a sap," Oikawa cooed, placing her chin on Iwaizumi's shoulder. 

 

"I really should get going though," Iwaizumi said as he shifted to stand up, "I want to break it to them over dinner." 

 

Oikawa reluctantly untangled herself from Iwaizumi and Matsukawa moved over so she could climb into his lap instead, allowing Iwaizumi to stand. Hanamaki silently watched him slip on shoes and a jacket. He was still so worried. He remembered the fear of coming out to his mother, who was the most accepting and kindhearted woman he knew. Hanamaki couldn't image how stressful it would be to come out to parents whose acceptance wasn't guaranteed. "You sure you don't want us to come with you?" Hanamaki asked.

 

"No, this is something I need to do myself."

 

-

 

Oikawa had bitten off about eight fingernails when Matsukawa finally asked her what was up. 

 

"It's just, you guys know my dad died when I was young and my mom worked a lot, so my sister and Hajime's parents basically raised me," Oikawa mumbled, "and if they don't accept Haji they definitely won't accept me."

 

"Tooru, you’re like a second child to them, I'm sure they'll love you no matter what," Hanamaki assured.

 

"Yeah, I mean who wouldn’t love a face like this." Matsukawa joked, reaching to squish Oikawa's cheeks together.

 

Oikawa lovingly rolled her eyes. Still, despite her boyfriends’ playful antics, she couldn't shake the feeling of dread that settled over her for the rest of the night. 

 

- 

 

By eleven at night, Iwaizumi had still yet to return. Although regardless of it not being particularly late, Hanamaki and Matsukawa were already fast asleep, the train ride having left them exhausted. Oikawa, however, was still clinging to consciousness, determined to greet Iwaizumi when he came home. Just as she was about to throw in the towel and give in to sleep when she heard the front door quietly open. Heavy with lethargy, she forced herself to crawl off the couch to see her boyfriend. Iwaizumi's shoulders were slumped and although he didn't seem distraught, he didn't seem happy either.

 

"Hey babe, how'd it go?" she asked tentatively.

 

"It wasn't horrible, but I could tell how disappointed they were in me, Tooru. I feel like I've let them down," Iwaizumi responded tiredly, looking up with dull eyes.

 

"I think they just need time, Haji," Oikawa offered, "I know they love you." 

 

"Yeah, yeah, no, you're right, I'm sure they'll come around," Iwaizumi said, although it sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than anything. 

 

"Wanna sneak up on the roof and look at the stars?" Oikawa asked.

 

Iwaizumi nodded and, with that, they got to work; gathering some blankets and trekking up to Oikawa's room and onto the roof. 

 

"God, we haven't been up here in forever." Iwaizumi marveled, taking in the open night sky.

 

"Remember when we were kids, and we used to sneak up here?" Oikawa whispered, cuddling closer.

 

"More like you'd drag me up here."

 

"Don't act like you didn't love it," Oikawa teased, "Oh! There's your star sign, Gemini.” she said, pointing to the stars.

 

"What's the story behind that one again?" Iwaizumi asked.

 

"Despite all the two face jokes, Gemini actually has a good story behind it, better than Cancer's at least." Oikawa explained.

 

"Isn't the story behind Cancer that a crab pitched some guys toe and a goddess put him in the sky to reward him?" Iwaizumi asked. 

 

"Yes, according to Greek Mythology," Oikawa huffed.

 

"And Gemini?" 

 

"Well, Gemini means ‘the twins’, and the legend goes that the constellation represents the twin brothers Pollux and Castor. They were both mothered by Leda but had different fathers; in one night, Leda was impregnated by both the god of the skies, Jupiter, and by her actual husband, the king of Sparta. Pollux was an immortal demigod, renowned for his strength. Castor was a mortal, famous for his skill. They went on many quests together. Although Castor, being mortal, eventually died. His twin, struck by grief, begged Jupiter to be reunited with his brother. Acknowledging the brothers’ heroism, the god consented and placed the twins in the stars where they could be together for eternity." Oikawa finished.

 

"That's sad," Iwaizumi commented.

 

"A lot of Greek Mythology is," Oikawa said before grabbing Iwaizumi’s hand and bringing it up to point at the stars. "Look, those two bright stars are their heads, and see there?" Oikawa whispered, guiding Iwaizumi's hand to trace the constellation's outline. "They're holding hands, or at least, I like to think they are." 

 

Iwaizumi took the opportunity to clasp their hands together, bringing them down to his lips to place a kiss on Oikawa's wrist. "Thank you for this, Tooru."

 

"Hey, we're in this together, all four of us, yeah?" 

 

"Always," Iwaizumi confirmed. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what even is my writing?????????
> 
> ive mentioned it before but i didnt write about the coming out scene bc i plan to make a fic abt all theyre coming out stories. 
> 
> also this chapter was inspired by Thick and Thin by Bronze Radio Return
> 
> as always comments and kudos are my biggest (only) motivator and always appreciated!! feel free to leave constructive criticism too!
> 
> as always thanks to kitty for betaing! their tumblr- tinysweetscat
> 
> My tumblr- Happytreasuree


	8. You Fill My Lungs With Sweetness

"Hey Kitten, what'd ya get?" Kenma heard their boyfriend call as they walked through the door. 

 

"Popsicles," Kenna murmured, leaning into the kiss their boyfriend placed atop their head. 

 

"So, everything that's not essential?" Kuroo chuckled.

 

"Yes," Kenma smiled before they noticed the body sprawled out across the middle of the living room floor. "Um, Kuroo?" 

 

"Yeah Kitten?" 

 

"Why is Tooru passed out on our floor?"

 

"They were up all night studying and then still went to practice afterwards. After a two-hour nap, they came and said 'the floor-it's more comfy’ and passed out." Kuroo explained. 

 

"Ah," Kenma said in understanding, pulling out their phone to take a picture of Oikawa. 

 

"Whatcha doing there?" 

 

"Sending a snapchat to their boyfriends," Kenma smiled. 

 

Kuroo snorted in response as he looked on fondly. 

 

-

 

Hanamaki: i have so much work to do since i changed my major 

 

Matsukawa: aw i'm sorry babe, but you're happier, right? 

 

Hanamaki: yea i really want to get my teaching degree and become an english or esl teacher

 

Oikawa: i wish i was bilingual 

 

Hanamaki: i still have a lot to learn, i'm barely semi-fluent 

 

Oikawa: i wish i was half bilingual 

 

Iwaizumi: I'm happy you're doing something you like now, Taka

 

Hanamaki: i love youuuuu

 

Iwaizumi: I love you too

 

-

 

"Can you believe that we're already in our third year of college?" Iwaizumi marveled.

 

"Shhhhh, were basically middle aged now." 

 

"Issei, you're only twenty," Iwaizumi pointed out. 

 

"Ugh, don't remind me of how my youth has escaped me!" Matsukawa said as he dramatically flung himself across Iwaizumi's lap. 

 

"Oh hush, you're the youngest one in the relationship," Iwaizumi huffed, "I'm turning twenty-one this year." 

 

"Oh yeah, I forget you're an old man sometimes," Matsukawa taunted, "Jeez Hajime, robbed the cradle not only one time, but three." 

 

"Hey! Tooru's like, only a month younger than me," Iwaizumi protested. 

 

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," Matsukawa chuckled, "although the prospect of growing up so fast does scare me." 

 

"Feels like we were in high school yesterday, huh?" Iwaizumi asked.

 

"Yeah, remember when we all first got together?" Matsukawa said wistfully.

 

"Ugh, all this nostalgia is making me feel all sappy and mushy," Iwaizumi said, wrinkling his nose. 

 

"Aww, we all know you’re the biggest sap out of all us, Hajime," Matsukawa teased.

 

-

 

Oikawa: guess who's going to get steroids pumped into their bodyyyyy

 

Hanamaki: you really gotta stop saying that every time you go to get cortisone shots for your knee 

 

Iwaizumi: have the injections been working?

 

Oikawa: yeah, they work pretty well, i mean my knee still hurts but i don't feel like i'm dying anymore 

 

Matsukawa: make sure you're doing your physical therapy!!

 

Oikawa: don't worry kenma's been mothering me since they moved in 

 

Iwaizumi: tell them I said thank you 

 

-

Oikawa was very adamant about keeping his title as best server on his volleyball team. This included sneaking back into the gym after hours to practice.

 

He'd learned his lesson when he'd sprained his knee back in high school, despite what Iwaizumi thought. Well, he had mostly learnt his lesson. He still pushed himself a little harder than he should at times. But he'd been keeping up with his physical therapy, and getting cortisone shots to deal with the inflammation, so, he decided, that warranted a little leeway concerning extra practice.

 

He attempted to shake off the conflicting thoughts as he tossed up another ball for a jump serve but, no matter how many perfect serves he got over the net, the prospect of an injury loomed over him. After the third jolt of pain in his knee while landing from a serve, he threw in the towel. He could feel his knee swelling up as he gathered the volleyballs that had been strewn everywhere during his practice. 

 

Oikawa attempted to ignore the slight limp he had as he walked home. He pushed it out of his mind by convincing himself it wouldn't be so bad after he iced it. However, the pain was a lot less easy to ignore after he banged his knee against the coffee table while trying to sneak back into his apartment without waking his roommates. The pained yelp he let out easily woke Kenma who was sleeping on the couch. Oikawa swore the kid had cat-like hearing with how quick they were to wake. 

 

"What are you doing coming home so late?" Kenma asked, raising an eyebrow. 

 

"Why are you sleeping on the couch?" Oikawa asked right back. 

 

"I fell asleep watching Parks and Rec," Kenma admitted. "Your turn." 

 

Normally Oikawa would consider himself a pretty good liar but nothing slipped by Kenma. "Uh, I was-"

 

"You're covered in sweat. You were practicing late again, weren't you?" Kenma sighed.

 

"Fine, I was- wait what do you mean again?" 

 

"I've noticed you've come home late the past few days, but I didn't want to accuse you of anything," Kenma explained.

 

"Jeez, you're just as bad as Hajime," Oikawa huffed. 

 

"Tooru," Kenma whined, "you really need to take care of yourself, you won't be able to play at all if you're injured."

 

"I know Kenma-chan," Oikawa sighed, sitting next to them in the couch as they made room. "It's just...I don't want to be left behind or give my spot up to a younger, better player." 

 

"You still need to take care of yourself," Kenma reminded him. "Go on and get in the shower, I'll get some ice for you." 

 

"Thank you, Kenma-chan," Oikawa whispered gratefully. He was often amazed at how much Kuroo and Kenma put up with him.

 

-

 

Matsukawa: YOOOOOO MY MOM GOT ME A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY WTF

 

Matsukawa: I MEAN ITS AN OLD USED CAR BUT I GOT A FUCKING CAR

 

Oikawa: LUCKY!!

 

Iwaizumi: now we can drive to Taka and Tooru

 

Hanamaki: yesssss come visit us!!

 

Hanamaki: yo i'm actually free most of next week

 

Iwaizumi: I have practice and classes all week and a big exam so I won't be able to tag along

 

Oikawa: same and I have practice which I would normally take off but I missed a bunch when I was sick last week

 

Hanamaki: lmao Kuroo told me Kenma literally refused to let to leave the house 

 

Oikawa: they did and it was horrible 

 

Matsukawa: wait 'hiro can i come visit you next week??

 

Hanamaki: wait can you really?!?? 

 

Matsukawa: yeeee

 

Hanamaki: I’ve been blessed 

 

-

 

Hanamaki had been ecstatic after Matsukawa mentioned he'd be coming to visit. Hanamaki had yet to see his boyfriends since the beginning of his third year in college. Granted, the school year had just started, but when you wanted to be around someone every day, a month felt like years. 

 

Over the next week, Hanamaki had a hard time paying attention as much as he should've in class. All he could think about was Matsukawa’s impending visit. 

 

So, as per usual Hanamaki found himself desperately trying to turn his attention to the lecture going on in front of him, but, before he knew it, the professor was dismissing them and class was over. He sighed, a bit disappointed in himself, but knew he'd been able to get notes from a classmate. Slowly he trudged home, mentally making a list for all the classes he had homework for. Despite the safety risk, Hanamaki kept his eyes glued to his phone screen as he followed the familiar route back to his dorm room through the parking lot. Due to his undivided attention being focused at his phone, he didn't notice a car stopping right next to him and barely registered the sound of a window rolling down. 

 

"So," a familiar voice drawled, "do you come here often?" 

 

Hanamaki whipped his head around to see Matsukawa, driving a small, slightly beat up car. 

 

"Issei! I thought you weren't gonna be here for another three days!" 

 

"Surprise?" Matsukawa said with a shrug, grinning.

 

Without answering, Hanamaki quickly ran around the passenger side door and threw it open before climbing in. "I missed you!" he chirped, throwing his arms around Matsukawa as best he could. 

 

Matsukawa placed a kiss on his head and chuckled "I missed you too." 

 

"Why are you here so early?" Hanamaki asked, sitting upright and closing the car door so Matsukawa could drive. 

 

"My professor got sick and canceled class, and I also just wanted to surprise you," Matsukawa explained. "I hope I'm not gonna keep you from anything?" 

 

"No, no you're fine," Hanamaki assured. "But it's only noon, do you wanna go get something to eat?" 

 

"Sure," Matsukawa agreed, "whatever you want, just tell me where to go."

 

"Okay, take a right here," Hanamaki directed.

 

"Oh, also," Matsukawa said as he put on his blinker, "there's an aux cord if you want to play some music." 

 

"Oh sweet," Hanamaki said, connecting his phone.

 

The next few minutes of the drive consisted of Hanamaki quietly singing along to his music and giving Matsukawa directions every so often.

 

"You've been listening to a lot more music in English," Matsukawa commented.

 

"Oh, sorry, it helps me learn. I can change it if you want," Hanamaki offered. 

 

"No, it's fine. Can you understand it all?" Matsukawa asked.

 

"For the most part. I've kinda been stuck on slow, sappy songs because I can't understand English when it's spoken too fast," Hanamaki explained.

 

"Can you translate it for me?" 

 

"Uh, yeah, I can try," Hanamaki responded.

 

Hanamaki swallowed and scrolled through his phone to find a song he was comfortable enough with to translate back into Japanese. He settled on one, taking a deep breath before quietly whispering the lyrics in Japanese for Matsukawa.  _"In the morning when I wake, and the sun is coming through. Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness, and you fill my head with you."_

 

Hanamaki paused for a moment, slightly discouraged at what he deemed as sloppy translations. However, when he looked to Matsukawa, and was greeted by the most loving stare he had ever seen on a person's face, he decided it was worth the embarrassment to continue. 

 

He waited for a part of the song he felt comfortable jumping back into before beginning once more.  _"When the evening pulls the sun down, and the day is almost through. Oh, the whole world is sleeping, but my world is you. Can I be close to you?"_

 

They ended up missing the exit they were supposed to get off on, but Hanamaki found he didn't really mind as long as he was with Matsukawa.

 

-

 

Iwaizumi missed Matsukawa like crazy. In all honesty, he'd gotten far too used to his boyfriend's constant presence. However, he did enjoy the frequent Snapchats and texts he received about Matsukawa and Hanamaki’s escapades. 

 

Without the comfort of having another person to distract him, Iwaizumi let his thoughts wander. They kept drifting back to what Matsukawa had said a few days before, about feeling like time was moving too fast. It was almost dizzying to think he was already a third year in college. It was almost nauseating to think that, in a little over a year, he would've completed four years of college.

 

Before Iwaizumi could let himself fall farther down the rabbit hole, he was snapped back to attention by his phone's insistent ringing. 

 

He glanced over and saw Oikawa’s name on the screen and eagerly answered his phone with a brief "hello".

 

"Hey," Oikawa answered back, sounding breathless. 

 

"Are you okay? You sound a bit out of it," Iwaizumi stated.

 

"It's nothing, I just have a bad migraine. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you," Oikawa explained.

 

"Hmm," Iwaizumi hummed in response, "so, what did you want to talk about?" When he didn't receive an answer, he looked at his screen, making sure the call was still connected. "Tooru?" he tried again. 

 

Oikawa audibly sighed, "It's just...it's just you said to call whenever it gets too hard, and I dunno...it's just the dysphoria and the depression, and it's a girl day, ya know? And I don't-Haji," Oikawa rambled, voice cracking.

 

Iwaizumi felt his chest swell with pride because this wasn't something Oikawa would've done a few months ago. A few months ago, Oikawa would've let her sadness and anger fester until she had a breakdown, miles away from where her boyfriends could comfort her. 

 

"I'm proud you called me, baby girl," Iwaizumi said. 

 

He could practically hear Oikawa scrunch up her nose in a particularly adorable fashion as she said, "Ick, you're such a sap, Haji."

 

"And you love it," Iwaizumi teased back. "Now, what’s bothering you?" 

 

"I feel gross," Oikawa admitted. 

 

"Despite what you feel, you're the most beautiful person I know, Tooru. And before you can protest, I'm not the only one who thinks so. You have two other amazing boyfriends who love you to death," Iwaizumi assured. 

 

"But I can't help but feel like there's something wrong with me," she lamented.

 

"Listen, baby girl, there is nothing wrong with you, just like there's nothing wrong with Taka or Kozume," Iwaizumi reasoned.

 

"But they're so brave," Oikawa sighed, "I could never do that." 

 

"Do what exactly?" Iwaizumi prodded. 

 

"Come out or be proud of myself, ya know?" 

 

"I believe you'll get there one day, I mean, whether you ever want to come out or not is up to you, but I think you'll be proud of yourself one day," Iwaizumi said resolutely. 

 

"What makes you so sure?" Oikawa said doubtfully.

 

"Do you remember when you first came out to Issei and I? How absolutely scared you were? Taka had to coax you out of the bathroom you locked yourself in. God, I had never been more terrified in my life, you scared the shit out of me, Tooru. You were so afriad to tell even me, and I've known you your entire life. Now you've come out to two other friends and you're happier than you were back then. And I dunno, I've just seen you grow so much in the past few years, and yeah, we've hit bumps in the road, but I- I guess what I'm trying to say, Tooru, is that I've had the absolute pleasure of seeing you grow into a better version of yourself every day, so, I don't for a second doubt that you'll be proud of yourself one day," Iwaizumi said, finishing his long-winded spiel. 

 

"Stop, you're going to make me cry," Oikawa sniffled. “You’re amazing, you know that, right?”

 

 Iwaizumi chuckled fondly, "I love you so much, Tooru." 

 

-

 

Matsukawa rolled over in the incredibly small dorm bed he was sharing with Hanamaki. Technically, he could've crashed on Hanamaki's roommate's bed since he'd gone home for the week, but who was Matsukawa to pass up an opportunity to cuddle with his boyfriend?

 

The morning light broke through as Matsukawa grinned and cuddled closer to Hanamaki, slipping a hand under the thin tank top he was wearing. Hanamaki grinned in return and bumped their noses together, moving Matsukawa's hand back down to his stomach when it traveled a bit too high. 

 

"Getting a bit handsy aren't we?" Hanamaki teased, quirking an eyebrow.

 

"I mean, can you blame me?" Matsukawa said in defense, eyes roaming down Hanamaki's body.

 

"Hmmm, I guess I can't. I'm just irresistible aren't I?" Hanamaki joked, moving Matsukawa's hand back up to his chest. 

 

"Absolutely irresistible," Matsukawa said sincerely, leaning in to place a heated kiss on Hanamaki's lips. 

 

It was fair to say Matsukawa had a good morning. 

 

-

Matsukawa:

[one image attached]

 

Matsukawa: I think I tired him out

 

Iwaizumi: Holy shit he’s out

 

Oikawa: I’m jealous, I live for sappy morning sex

 

Matsukawa: oh we know

 

Oikawa: lmaooo that you do

 

Matsukawa: now, being the doting boyfriend i am, i will go make him breakfast

 

Iwaizumi: by that you mean you’re going to make cereal

 

Matsukawa: i cannot confirm nor deny these accusations

 

-

 

When ten in the morning rolled around, and Hanamaki still refused to get out of bed, Matsukawa decided to crawl back in and join him. It turned out Hanamaki was at least half awake because he hummed happily at Matsukawa’s reappearance before sleepily running his hands through his boyfriend’s thick hair.

 

Matsukawa let out a content sigh at Hanamaki’s actions. It was moments like these that convinced Matsukawa that one could fall in love with the same person an infinite amount of times. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i dont update for a month and come back with shit  
> conclusion- im the worsttttttttt
> 
> sorry ive just been very disappointed with my writing as of late and ugh
> 
> thanks to kitty for betaing (and getting it back to me so quickly) (@tinysweetscat on tumblr) 
> 
> my tumblr- happytreasuree come yell at me to update quicker
> 
> constructive criticism is welcomed!!
> 
> also please leave comments and kudos (im in desperate need of motivation) 
> 
> btw the song hanamaki sings to matsukawa is 'bloom' by the paper kites and its amazing


	9. I Want to Feel Alive

"He's overdoing it again," Kuroo mumbled into the crown of Kenma's head, tightening his arms around his partner.  
  
Kenma adjusted in their spot between Kuroo's legs. "Again? When did he stop?" they huffed.   
  
"Should we do something?" Kuroo asked, worriedly.  
  
Kenma sighed, "I think Oikawa's gonna do whatever he wants. I've tried talking to him already but he keeps pushing me away."   
  
"But he's gonna hurt himself if he keeps over-practicing," Kuroo frowned, "maybe we should tell Iwaizumi."   
  
"I'll try talking to him again first," Kenma decided.   
  
-  
  


Oikawa could feel Kenma's eyes on him as he shuffled to the door, gym bag in hand. He prayed they wouldn't say anything as he reached for the door knob.   
  
“Tooru." they spoke.

 

 _Fuck_.   
  
"Yeah?" Oikawa replied, not turning to meet Kenma.   
  
"You’ve gotta stop doing this to yourself."  
  
"I don't what you’re talking about," Oikawa said nervously, feigning innocence.   
  
"I'm serious, Tooru! You're gonna hurt yourself again!" Kenma protested.   
  
"Well, that's my choice, isn't it?" Oikawa snapped before sighing. "I'm sorry, Kenma-chan."   
  
Kenma frowned, "Please."    
  
"But I need to keep up with everyone else!” Oikawa whined.   
  
"Fine, give me fifteen minutes," Kenma sighed, rising from their spot on the couch.  
  
"Huh?" Oikawa asked.  
  
"I'm coming with you; to make sure you don't kill yourself. I can also help you practice," Kenma explained.  
  
"Wait, Kenma-chan, you don't have-"   
  
"I'm coming," they stated firmly.  
  
Oikawa nodded, knowing they weren't going to budge on their decision.  
  
-  
  
Oikawa had to admit, it was nice having an extra person around during practice-even if Kenma dragged him home an hour earlier than he would've liked. Although he knew it was probably for the best. His knee had been giving him a hard time, as of late. The doctor explained that it was just chronic inflammation, and that his knee was probably still weak from when he had sprained it before. Oikawa loathed having to hear he was weak, so much so that he’d rather overwork himself than take a break from volleyball. He made a mental note to avoid Kenma when leaving the house for extra practice. He knew they meant well but Oikawa really didn't want to fall behind.  
  
\-   
  
Sometimes Hanamaki regretted never going on T. The main reason he never went on it was that he didn't get unbearable dysphoria too often. Outside of binding and keeping his hair short, Hanamaki didn't do much to change his appearance. Technically, all his gender markers identified him as female since Japan wouldn't legally recognize him as a male, unless he went through surgery. But, Hanamaki wasn't too fond of the thought of going under the knife. He'd been lucky enough to have been accepted into a college that let him stay in the boy's dorms.   
  
However, when Hanamaki got his period, any comfort he had in his own body vanished. That's when he really regretted never going on T. Rationally, he knew, once it was over, he'd be able to tolerate his body again. But when his cramps got so bad he could barely stand, a week once a month seemed like an eternity.  
  
He'd been having a pretty good week until it happened. He'd aced a test, gone out with a few friends, and even got around to doing his laundry. His period made sure to bring his productivity to an end.   
  
-  
  
Hanamaki: i s2g if i don't stop bleeding   
  
Iwaizumi: What's wrong??  
  
Iwaizumi: Oh, wait    
  
Iwaizumi: I was scared for a second there   
  
Oikawa: Use a heating pad  
  
Hanamaki: my heating pad and one true love has broke   
  
Matsukawa: can't believe i've been replaced by a heating pad   
  
Hanamaki: sorry u gotta step up ur game   
  
Hanamaki: my cramps have hit an all time high   
  
Oikawa: awh, I'm sorry   
  
Hanamaki: they woke me up last night and i rolled over and just grabbed the trash can and started vomiting  
  
Matsukawa: holy shit   
  
Hanamaki: low key almost called my roommate in because i thought my appendix had burst or some shit but then i noticed all the blood   
  
Iwaizumi: Is that normal? Maybe you should go to the doctor   
  
Hanamaki: i think so? i mean it's happened before   
  
Oikawa: pls don't die   
  
Hanamaki: don't plan on it   
  
Matsukawa: good, i hope you feel better soon  
  
Iwaizumi: Issei and I will send you some chocolate and stuff  
  
Hanamaki: my knights in shining armor!!!  
  
\-   
  
Matsukawa hummed along to the song playing through his earbuds as he walked home. He felt a familiar nudge at his leg as he passed by an alleyway. For the past few weeks, a stray dog had been approaching him after he threw it some pretzels one day, on his walk home from classes.   
  
"Sorry, Scooter, I don't have anything for you today," Matsukawa admitted. The dog didn't actually have a name, so, Matsukawa took it upon himself to give it one. He didn't really have a reason for naming it Scooter, it just kind of fit.   
  
The dog whined in response, before scurrying back into the alleyway. "See ya later, boy," Matsukawa chuckled before continuing home.  
  
"I'm back," Matsukawa announced as he opened the front door.   
  
Iwaizumi responded by scooting over on the couch.   
  
"Whatcha doin'?" Matsukawa asked as he plopped down next to him.   
  
"Watching a documentary on the Amazon rainforest. It's actually really interesting."   
  
Matsukawa snorted in amusement, "You're such a nerd."    
  
Before Iwaizumi could respond, they heard a scratch at their door.   
  
"What the hell?" Iwaizumi murmured, moving to get up.  
  
"Don't open it!" Matsukawa objected, "That's like, some horror movie shit."    
  
Iwaizumi rolled his eyes before checking the peephole. "Huh, that's odd, nobody's there," he whispered to himself.  
  
"Horror movie shit, I tell you!" Matsukawa replied frantically.  
  
Iwaizumi ignored him and swung open the door. He chuckled at what he saw. "What are you doing here?"  he asked in a playful tone.   
  
"So, it's not a serial killer?" Matsukawa asked, leaning over the couch to get a better view.   
  
"No, it's a dog," Iwaizumi clarified.   
  
"A dog?" Matsukawa questioned, walking to the door to see for himself. "Scooter!" he chirped in surprise upon seeing the familiar dog at his doorstep.   
  
"Pretty sure it's a dog, Issei," Iwaizumi said, raising an eyebrow.    
  
"No, that's his name," Matsukawa explained. "I feed him sometimes on my walk home."  
  
"And you named him Scooter?" Iwaizumi chuckled.   
  
"Yep," Matsukawa confirmed, leaning down to pick up the dog, "I wanna give him some food."   
  
"How'd he even get into the building?" Iwaizumi questioned.   
  
"Must've snuck in. Smart dog," he praised, patting Scooter.   
  
Matsukawa was kind of happy that Scooter had followed him home. He'd gotten rather attached to the little guy.  
  
After giving the dog a bath, which revealed Scooter was actually a girl instead of a boy like Matsukawa had previously assumed, and some food, the little pup climbed up on the couch before falling asleep.   
  
  
  
Matsukawa turned to Iwaizumi with hopeful eyes, “Can we keep her?"   
  
-  
  
Iwaizumi had no idea why he told Matsukawa he'd consider letting him keep the dog. It wasn't cheap owning one and they didn't even know if she was sick or trained. Although Iwaizumi supposed she was at the very least trained-the dog was much to docile to have grown up a stray. Although she was a scraggly little thing, despite the bath Matsukawa gave her, which helped a lot, she still looked a bit rough. Her coloring was akin to some kind of Terrier mix with a wiry coat.    
  
Another attribute she had was her absolute love for Matsukawa. So, when Matsukawa headed out for class, he left Iwaizumi alone with a whiny dog.   
  
Iwaizumi frowned as she scratched at the door and whimpered, “Sorry girl, he's not gonna be back for a while."   
  
Eventually, the pup settled down by the foot of the couch and Iwaizumi decided to go for a run. Scooter didn't pay much attention as he changed clothes but the minute he brought out his running shoes she went wild, licking his legs, jumping, running back and forth. Iwaizumi was a little frightened by the amount of excitement the little dog contained.   
  
"Do you wanna go for a walk?" That sent Scooter over the edge. She began circling his legs and yapping happily. "I'll take that as a yes," Iwaizumi chuckled.   
  
After realizing he didn't have a leash or collar, he spent a few minutes looking for something he could use as an impatient Scooter trailed him. He eventually found some old rope in a kitchen drawer that he supposed would work.   
  
Iwaizumi made sure to tie it loosely around Scooter's neck before heading out for his run with her.   
  
He found that having company on his wasn't so bad. He enjoyed watching her excitedly scamper next to him, and her high energy made sure Iwaizumi didn't slack on his run.   
  
When Iwaizumi finally got home, he was beat. He'd run quite a bit farther than he usually did since Scooter seemed to be so happy with the run. After a shower, Iwaizumi lounged on the couch, turning on the TV. Scooter sat next to the couch, looking at him expectantly.   
  
"Come on up," Iwaizumi encouraged. Scooter excitedly curled up on Iwaizumi's chest. His heart melted at how adorable she was.   
  
"We're keeping her.” Iwaizumi stated when Matsukawa walked through the door a few hours later.   
  
-  
  
Matsukawa: WE GOT A DOG  
  
Matsukawa:  
[one image attached]  
  
Hanamaki: AWWWWW ITS SO CUTE!!!  
  
Oikawa: I WANNA MEET IT!!!! whats its name??  
  
Iwaizumi: Issei named her Scooter  
  
Oikawa: y tho  
  
Matsukawa: it fits!!  
  
Hanamaki: I love her despite the stupid name you gave her!!!   
  
Oikawa: samee shes so cute! whered you get her  
  
Matsukawa: she lived in an alley and I’d been feeding her and she followed me home one day!  
  
Oikawa: awe you two are so sweet for adopting her  
  
Hanamaki: awh I lowkey want drive down just to see her  
  
Oikawa: rip looks like Issei just got replaced by a dog 

Matsukawa: wow i'm shook first a heating pad now this 

-  
  
"Kenma-chan~," Oikawa sang as she walked through the door. She had woken up this morning expecting it to be a bad day, but Kenma helped her quell her dysphoria by applying makeup so light it wouldn't raise eyebrows, and picking out an outfit for her. She was wearing joggers so tight they could be considered leggings and a baggy pink shirt. God, Oikawa loved her friends.  
  
"Kenma-chan!," Oikawa called again when she didn't receive an answer.   
  
When only silence answered again, she checked the house before concluding that the bathroom was the only place left. "Kenma-chan, you good?"   
  
Oikawa heard muffled sniffles before Kenma cleared their throat. "Uh, yeah I'll be out in a minute.   
  
"Kenma, are you okay?" Oikawa whispered, trying the doorknob. It was locked.   
  
"Please, I'll be out in a minute," Kenma said desperately.    
  
"If you're sick, I can go call Tetsu-chan," Oikawa said worriedly.   
  
"No!" Kenma snapped.   
  
"Okay, why not?" she pried.  
  
"You owe me this, I never told on you!" Kenma cried.   
  
"How so?" Oikawa said coolly, arching an eyebrow though she knew Kenma couldn't see her.  
  
"I know you've been working yourself down to the bone, that you haven't been taking care of yourself, and I never told Hajime. You owe me this!" Kenma was nearly sobbing.   
  
"Kenma, I owe it to you to be a good friend. So, please tell me what happened," Oikawa pleaded, worry clouding her voice again.  
  
"I...I relapsed, in three days I would've been two years clean," Kenma said softly.  
  
Oikawa knew that Kenma had struggled with bulimia and anorexia for a long time, but she didn't know they'd been clean for so long. "Oh, Kenma, I'm so sorry."   
  
"You can't tell him, Tetsurou- he can't know, please Tooru," Kenma begged.   
  
"I won’t. Just please...open the door." Oikawa let out a sigh of relief when she heard the lock click. "Oh, Kenma-chan."   
  
"I can't do this, I can't-I just," Kenma began to sob, and Oikawa gathered them in her arms.   
  
"What happened?" she whispered.   
  
"I hit my goal weight," Kenma said with disdain.   
  
"That's good?" Oikawa said, pulling away to look down at Kenma.   
  
"I've been working to get to a healthy weight for so long, and- and once I got there I just couldn't, I felt horrible, like I'd lost the only thing that kept me from doing this," Kenma babbled.   
  
"It's okay, it's okay," Oikawa soothed. She briefly considered getting their favorite food, but decided now wasn't the best time. "Movie?"   
  
-

  
Kuroo returned home about halfway through the movie they'd started. He immediately sensed something was wrong and raised an eyebrow at Kenma, but they refused to meet his eye.   
  
  
"You okay, Kitten?" Kuroo asked.   
  
  
Oikawa nudged them, but received a death glare from Kenma that made her back off. Although Kenma seemed to know that there was no getting out of this.   
  
"I- I reached my goal weight," Kenma whispered as if it was the worst thing in the world.  
  
"Oh! Kenma that's great, I'm so proud of you!" Kuroo crouched down next to the couch. The minute Kenma met his eyes, they burst into tears.  
  
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry,” Kenma apologized, “I did it again, Testu, I was so close to two years," Kenma apologized as tears steamed down their face, “I didn't mean to-but I couldn't-I'm so sorry-I-”  
  
"Hey, hey, I know, it's okay, I love you no matter what," Kuroo cooed. "C'mere," he said before scooping Kenma up. "Thank you for taking care of them," he whispered to Oikawa as he carried Kenma to their bedroom.   
  
Oikawa let out a sigh-she was worried about her friend, and the stress was begining to eat at her as she paced the foyer.   
  
Maybe she could indulge in her favorite de-stressor: volleyball. Kenma had just told her not to overwork herself, but she need a break from it all.   
  
Oikawa quietly gathered her things and made her way out the door, leaving a simple note in her wake, 'went out for a bit, call if you need me!'  
  
As she walked into the gym, Oikawa felt unsettled, like something was wrong.    
  
Nothing a few jump serves wouldn't fix, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ughhhhhhhhhhhhh i got mad writers block
> 
> prepare for some hella angst next chapter tho 
> 
> also sorry if that im including sm kuroken lmao i just love them sm
> 
> ty for betaing kitty
> 
> my tumblr- happytreasuree 
> 
> constructive criticism is welcomed and comments/kudos are very much appreciated 
> 
> chap title - I want to feel alive the Lighthouse and the whaler


	10. In Tomorrow's Morning Light

All it took was three jump serves. Three jump serves and her volleyball career was effectively _ruined_.

 

God, Iwaizumi was going to fucking kill her. 

 

It had all been going fine until when she'd gotten to her third serve in a row. She went up for the ball, as always, and slammed it down with her usual ferocity. But then the landing did her in. Her weak knee gave slightly when she landed, causing her to land on the side of her foot instead of the sole. She tried to correct her balance by moving her weight back to the sole of her foot albeit much too quickly and suddenly, and that's when she heard it- the loud pop that signaled she'd really fucking done it this time. And now she was laying on the floor holding back tears.

 

Oikawa tried to breathe in slowly, in an attempt to calm down, as her heart beat rapidly. She could tell she was in the verge of having a panic attack and that was the last thing she needed. Instead she needed to figure out how bad it was. The pop wasn't a good sign-and usually meant an ACL tear.

 

She winced as she sat up to take a look at her knee. It wasn't horribly swollen which was good. Maybe it wasn't as bad as she thought. 

 

Luckily, her bag was in reach and she was able to take out her phone. Her thumb trembled over Kuroo's contact. She felt guilty even considering calling him after what Kenma had gone through earlier. Maybe she should try to stand- the swelling wasn't too bad and she could be tentative about putting weight on it. 

 

Somehow, Oikawa managed to skillfully stand up without really putting any weight on her leg. Walking, however, was a completely different story. Her knee felt ridiculously unstable and gave out after a few steps, leaving her right back where she started- sprawled on the floor. After a heated inner debate- in which she almost made herself cry because the of the guilt and burning shame-Oikawa finally gave in and dialed Kuroo's number.

 

"Hey, what's up, Tooru? Thanks for taking care of Kenma today!" Kuroo greeted cheerfully. 

 

Oikawa tried to ignore the panic welling up inside her. "Please don't hate me!" she blurted out. 

 

"Wasn't planning on it," Kuroo responded cautiously. "What's happened to make you think that I will?" 

 

"I...I did something extremely stupid. I was really worried about Kenma, and-and-I just thought that some practice would help me calm down," Oikawa babbled as tears pricked in the back of her eyes, threatening to fall. 

 

"Oikawa, are you hurt?!" Kuroo asked urgently. 

 

"Y-yeah," she confessed, "I'm at the gym, and I...I think I might've torn my ACL." 

 

"What?! Oh, my god, hold on! I'll be there as soon as I can," Kuroo replied worriedly and Oikawa could hear him shuffling around in the background, already preparing to come pick her up.

 

"Okay, thank you," Oikawa whimpered, before ending the call. All she could think about was how an exhausted Kenma would have their source of comfort ripped away from them because she did something stupid, again. Thoughts of how horrible a friend she was swarmed her head and she leaned her head back, tears flowing freely.

 

It only took Kuroo half an hour to arrive but it felt so much longer than that as Oikawa wiped away her tears, calmed herself down and watched as her knee continued to swell. She was just about to call Kuroo again when he burst through the gym's doors. 

 

"Oh, my god, Oikawa! Are you okay?!" he asked, distressed, rushing towards her. 

 

"Peachy," Oikawa gritted out as Kuroo tried to help her stand. He left her balancing on one leg as he bent down to sling her bag over his shoulder before standing back up. 

 

"Okay, let's take this slowly," Kuroo said, anxiously putting Oikawa's arm over his shoulder. 

 

"Fuck!" Oikawa swore when she accidentally put too much weight on her bad leg. 

 

"Alright, this isn't gonna work," Kuroo sighed, "C'mere," he said, leaning down and wrapping his arm around Oikawa's good leg, slinging her over his shoulders in a fireman's carry. 

 

Oikawa squeaked in surprise, "A little warning next time, maybe?" she said indignantly.

 

"Would you have let me pick you up if I told you what I was gonna do?" Kuroo questioned, arching an eyebrow. 

 

"Okay, good point," Oikawa replied, trying to ignore the throbbing in her knee. 

 

When they got back, Oikawa convinced Kuroo to at least wait until the next morning before they went to the doctor's. Kuroo wasn’t happy about it, but finally relented when she reminded him that Kenma might wake up all alone, and she felt guilty enough.

 

-

 

Oikawa woke up to his knee throbbing horribly. He groaned as he got a good look at it. It had swollen to twice its size despite him icing and elevating it. 

 

"Kuroo," Oikawa called out groggily. 

 

Oikawa was rubbing at his eyes when he heard the door open and footsteps approach. 

 

"You're gonna have to be my crutches on the way there, Kuroo," Oikawa sighed, not bothering to look up. 

 

"Tooru...what am I supposed to tell them?" Oikawa looked up in surprise to find Kenma standing beside his bed instead of Kuroo, like he'd presumed. 

 

Oikawa furrowed his brow, "Nothing. They don't need to know until I figure out what's wrong." 

 

Kenma sighed sadly, "Tooru, they're your boyfriends, and they're asking about you." 

 

"Just get Kuroo so I can get up," Oikawa huffed, looking away.

 

Kenma frowned but left, calling for their boyfriend and, soon enough, Oikawa was being helped into the car that Kuroo had borrowed from a friend.

 

The ride was going smoothly until they hit a literal bump in the road. 

 

"Fuck," Oikawa gritted out, tentatively holding his injured knee.

 

"Sorry!" Kenma squeaked out from behind the wheel. 

 

"It's fine," Oikawa replied, "Just...slow it down a bit?" 

 

Kenma nodded earnestly, flustered from hurting their friend. 

 

The visit to the doctor did not go smoothly either. Oikawa swore that if the nurse told him he 'you need to stay still, hon' during his MRI one more time, he was going to lose it. 

 

Luckily, the wait wasn't too long after the MRIs and scans. Much longer and Oikawa would have bit his nails till they bled, despite Kenma repeatedly slapping his hands out of his mouth whenever they caught him. 

 

Oikawa felt his shoulders tense as the doctor entered the sterile room he'd been shown into, minutes before. He wished Kenma and Kuroo could've come with him.  "How are you? I'm Doctor Haruyama," the man said kindly. 

 

Oikawa was no stranger to forgoing propriety and this instance was no different. "Did I just ruin my volleyball career?!" 

 

The doctor chuckled, "Getting right to the point, huh? Well, I can tell you some athletes come back stronger than before, after an injury. There's a possibility you may bounce back." 

 

"And if I don't?" Oikawa whispered, fearing the answer. 

 

"Then the response to your first question would be 'yes'. It's plausible you may have severely stunned your growth as a player." Dr. Haruyama said with frown. 

 

Oikawa tried to will the tears away, but they relentlessly ran down his cheeks. Volleyball was his only real passion, hobby-wise. Of course, he loved the stars, and astronomy interested him greatly, but volleyball...volleyball was Oikawa's life. 

 

"However," the doctor continued, "it’s more likely you'll have a smooth recovery. You tore your ACL pretty badly, but luckily, there was no damage to the meniscus. On the other hand, our scans show repeated muscle strains and event slight sprains that are not completely healed." 

 

Oikawa met Dr. Haruyama's eyes sheepishly, "My training regime is very strict." Oikawa knew it was a lame excuse but it was the only one he had. 

 

"You need to be vigilant about this injury, Oikawa. You can't slack on physical therapy at all." Dr. Haruyama warned. "But I do have both good news and bad news for you." 

 

"Bad news first," Oikawa said immediately. Better to get it out of the way early. 

 

"Well, that's the thing, your bad news is also your good news," Dr. Haruyama sighed. Oikawa raised an eyebrow. "The thing is, surgery is strongly recommended, but you'll be incapacitated until you fully heal from it; that's your bad news. The good news is that it'll cut your recovery time in half." 

 

"I'll do it," he'd do anything that'd get him back on the court faster. "How long will I be out?" 

 

Dr. Haruyama tapped a pen against the clipboard he was holding, "I think we can have you healed by the start of the next season if you're diligent. And you'll have to be on crutches until you have surgery and possibly a little while after." 

 

After a few more questions, Oikawa was guided down the hall on his newly acquired crutches, and back to the waiting room where his friends were. 

 

"So, how'd it go?" Kenma asked once they were all safely back in the car. 

 

"I have surgery next week," Oikawa sighed. 

 

"I'm sorry, Tooru," Kuroo said with a sympathetic look. 

 

"It's okay-it was my own fault anyway. The doctor even said I may come back stronger. Although I'll need these crutches for a little while," he explained. 

 

Kenma snorted. 

 

"What, Kenma-chan?" Oikawa asked.

 

"I can't see you on crutches," Kenma supplied, smirking.

 

"They're right. You willingly giving up your independence is gonna be a sight," Kuroo interjected, grinning as well. 

 

"I wouldn't say it's willing," Oikawa pouted. 

 

"I have a feeling you'll still try to do everything yourself," Kenma teased. 

 

Oikawa sniffed dramatically, "Here my best friends are, teasing me after the biggest injury of my volleyball career."

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to take great care of you,” Kenma laughed.

 

-

 

"Okay, spill," Kenma said, plopping down next to Oikawa on their worn-down couch.

Oikawa winced when his knee was jostled, but answered Kenma nonetheless, "Spill what?"

"Something's been bothering you, outside of injuring yourself. Usually you'd do anything to heal up as fast as you can or try to keep playing. And since you can't do the latter, you should be doing the former. Yet you haven't even touched the ice that I gave you for your knee," Kenma explained. 

 

Oikawa huffed, "You're a perceptive little shit, aren't you?" 

 

Kenma flashed a rare, feline-like grin. "Spill," they prompted once more. 

 

Oikawa sighed, leaning back on the couch, ignoring his throbbing knee, "I'm afraid they'll be disappointed in me." 

 

Kenma nodded in understanding, "You know, even if they're upset with you, they love you and nothing can change that."

 

"Yeah, but I've let them down," Oikawa whispered, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. 

 

"Their concern will override anything else you're worried about. You being okay will always mean the most to them," Kenma said firmly. 

 

"I still feel bad," Oikawa whined. "I told them I'd look after myself but I haven't." 

 

"Just talk to them, please," Kenma urged. They could see that the longer their friend tried to procrastinate, the more upset he'd get. "It'll be fine. You just need to talk to them."

 

-

 

Oikawa had bitten his nails down to the quick long before he finally checked his phone. It'd been on Do Not Disturb mode or off for the past day, and he knew the minute he turned it on, he'd find about a million missed calls and messages from his boyfriends. But, despite being bombarded with notifications, when he powered on his phone, Oikawa went straight to the Skype app and started a group call.

 

"Literally what the fuck, Tooru," Hanamaki said the minute the call started. "We've been trying to contact you for a day! I was so worried!" 

 

"I'm sorry," Oikawa mumbled, "I have a good reason." 

 

"Tell us what's up," Iwaizumi urged, worry clear on his face.

 

"Yeah, are you okay?" Matsukawa asked, moving into frame next to Iwaizumi, as he took his boyfriend's hand and squeezed it.

 

Oikawa took a deep breath. "I...I kind of injured myself andmayneedsurgery." 

 

Hanamaki made a squeaky noise of distress, "What?!" 

 

"I was stupid," Oikawa admitted, "I went back to the gym late at night." 

 

"Tooru..." Iwaizumi started, visibly upset.

 

"I know, I know," Oikawa said forlornly. They didn't even know the worst of it yet. He took in another deep breath. "When I landed from a jump serve... I tore my ACL." 

 

"Holy shit, Tooru!" Matsukawa gasped, his wide eyes mirroring those of Hanamaki and Iwaizumi who looked just as concerned.

 

"I'm on crutches, and I have surgery next week." Oikawa said, voice cracking. He couldn't stop the tears from filling his eyes at the sight of his boyfriends being so clearly distressed because of him. Why did he keep on hurting them?

 

"What day?" Iwaizumi asked.

 

"Uh...Friday," Oikawa recalled, wiping away the tears that had threatened to fall, "Why?" 

 

"Because we're coming down there to be with you," he explained. 

 

"Pick me up on the way?" Hanamaki said hopefully. 

 

"Yeah, of course," Iwaizumi assured, turning to look at him on the screen.

 

"You don't have to do that!" Oikawa said quickly, "I can't ask you to drive all the way here because I did something stupid again!"

 

"We aren't gonna let you go through this alone, Tooru." Matsukawa said, unyielding to Oikawa’s protests. The matching looks of stubbornness on the faces of Iwaizumi and Hanamaki confirmed his words.

 

-

 

It was torture for Iwaizumi to know Oikawa was in so much pain.

 

"He's gonna do something irrational, I can feel it," Iwaizumi groused. He'd been on edge all week, anticipating the trip to Oikawa's. Of course, he was upset that Oikawa had overworked himself again, but all he could think about was how much Oikawa was hurting. 

 

"We're all worried about him, but Kenma promised to keep a close eye," Matsukawa reminded him.

 

"I know, it's just...you know how he gets," Iwaizumi grumbled. 

 

"Yes, I know he gets frustrated when he feels like he has no control, and I know he tends to hurt himself," Matsukawa responded, "and I also know you get all super-ultra-protective and worried and end up stressing yourself out." 

 

Iwaizumi frowned in response so Matsukawa decided to kiss it off his face. "I bet I can distract you," he said with a smirk.

 

Iwaizumi chuckled lowly "Can you, now?"

 

"You're pretty easy to rile up," Matsukawa purred, swooping in for another kiss. 

 

-

 

Hanamaki rushed to the door when he heard someone knocking. 

 

"Issei! Hajime!" he beamed upon seeing his boyfriends. He excitedly pulled them both into a bone-crushing hug before they could reply. "Wait, hold on, let me grab my stuff," he yelped, pulling himself away.

 

Matsukawa hummed, smiling softly, "Hello to you too. You might want to hurry up-Tooru's surgery is tomorrow morning." 

 

In a matter of minutes, they were all packed into Matsukawa's small car. It was late, and it'd take a good few hours until they'd arrive at Oikawa's apartment, so they were driving in shifts. Iwaizumi kindly volunteered to drive first. 

 

"She's so cute!" Hanamaki cooed, looking at Scooter who was taking a nap in the passenger seat next to Iwaizumi.

 

"You're cuter," Matsukawa said sweetly.

 

"Smooth," Hanamaki laughed in response. 

 

Matsukawa grinned, placing a kiss on his neck, and Hanamaki had no problem returning his advances. After all, the two were notorious for not being able to keep their hands off each other. It took all of three minutes for Hanamaki to end up on his back, sprawled across the rear seats with Matsukawa in between his legs. Hanamaki moaned as Matsukawa continued to kiss down his neck. 

 

"Are you guys really gonna fuck in the back of the car?" Iwaizumi asked exasperatedly, as he looked over his shoulder. 

 

"Eyes on the road, Hajime~" Hanamaki teased. 

 

Scooter suddenly jumped awake when Hanamaki let out a particularly loud moan. 

 

"Don't look, Scooter," Iwaizumi grumbled, staring straight ahead with a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel. 

 

-

 

Matsukawa made a valiant effort to carry all the bags inside in one trip when they arrived at Oikawa's apartment.

 

"I can wake him and help with those," Iwaizumi offered, beginning to lower the still-sleeping Hanamaki in his arms. 

 

"No, no, it's fine. I got it." Matsukawa waved him off. 

 

When they finally got to the door, they were met with a sleepy Kuroo. 

 "Hey, guys," He greeted, yawning widely, "Oikawa’s on the couch in the living room." 

 

Matsukawa set down the bags in foyer, deciding to move them to Oikawa's room later, as Kuroo lead them the couch. 

 

Matsukawa felt his heart break a little at how pathetic Oikawa looked. He was slumped on the couch, looking miserable, with his busted knee propped up on a pillow. 

 

"Tooru!" Matsukawa called. Oikawa's face lit up and he moved to stand up, before his face fell at the realization that he couldn't. Matsukawa quickly seated himself next to Oikawa, throwing his arms around him. "I missed you!" he grinned happily.

 

"I missed you, too," Oikawa said, falling into Matsukawa's chest. 

 

Iwaizumi joined them, after placing Hanamaki on the end of the couch. 

 

"I'm sorry," Oikawa began, "I'm so, so sorry. I said I was doing better with all this and I just messed up again." 

 

"I'm too worried about you to care about any of that right now," Iwaizumi chuckled, " _God_ , I was so worried about you." 

 

"We love you so much, Tooru. Please just let us be here for you." Matsukawa begged.

 

 

-

 

Matsukawa and Hanamaki had offered to take the floor, leaving Iwaizumi in the bed with Oikawa. And that's how she woke up-with Iwaizumi's arms wrapped lightly around her. She turned to face him and was met with an adoring gaze. 

 

"Wow," Oikawa said, in a teasing tone, "Watching me while I sleep? That's pretty creepy, don't ya think?" 

 

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, "What kind of day is it?" he asked, voice still rough with sleep. 

 

"Girl," Oikawa said, with slight disdain in her voice. 

 

Iwaizumi nodded in understanding, letting them enjoy a few more minutes of peace before he rolled over and stretched his arms. "Rise and shine, baby girl. Taka and Issei are already up," he said. 

 

Oikawa groaned in protest, but allowed Iwaizumi to help her up and hand her the crutches. 

 

"Good morning!" Hanamaki chirped, as Oikawa took a seat at the small kitchen table between Matsukawa and him.

 

"Morning," Oikawa yawned, accepting a kiss Matsukawa placed on her cheek. "You need to shave," Oikawa said wrinkling her nose. 

 

"Yeah, you really do," Hanamaki agreed, reaching across the table and rubbing his hand against Matsukawa's stubble. Matsukawa stuck his tongue out in response. 

 

The rest of Oikawa's morning passed in a blur as they all got ready and, before she knew it, she was in the car, on the way the hospital. And…she really wasn't ready. She wasn't ready to have them cut open her knee. She didn't want to be put under and she was terrified of waking up worse than before. What if something went wrong and she could never play again? What if it was worse than they originally thought? 

 

"Are you okay?" Iwaizumi questioned, from his spot next to her in the backseat. 

 

"I'm scared," she admitted with a shaky voice. He couldn't see it but he could feel her hands trembling.

 

"Hey, it's okay. We'll be here for you, Tooru." Iwaizumi quickly assured her.

 

"But-" Iwaizumi gently grabbed her chin. 

 

"Tooru, I can promise I will let nothing happen to you. You're gonna come back from this, okay? And I can't wait to see you improve once you get back on the court," Iwaizumi said with a grin. 

 

"He's right, Tooru. We'll be waiting for you when you wake up," Matsukawa said, turning around from his seat at the front. 

 

"We'll be right by your side!" Hanamaki chimed in, his eyes briefly glancing at her in the mirror before he turned them back to the road.

 

"What if I don't get better in time?" Oikawa fretted, "What if they can't fix me?" 

 

"They will," Matsukawa assured her, "And Kenma will make sure you don't slack on physical therapy." 

 

"But this is a huge set back!" Oikawa cried. She could feel herself start to panic. 

 

"And those happen sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's over," Hanamaki reasoned.

 

Oikawa felt hot tears running down her cheeks. "The national team's scout was looking into me. He said I had a good chance of being recruited after my senior year. They're not gonna want me now that I'm all broken,” she cried. 

 

"Are you kidding?! Oikawa, you're a phenomenal player! Any team would be lucky to have you!" Matsukawa protested. 

 

"Yeah, I expect you to go out there and dominate like you always do after you heal up," Hanamaki said without hesitation.

 

"See, baby girl? Like I told you, you're the partner I can boast about," Iwaizumi said softly as wrapped his arms around her in a comforting hug.

 

 

Oikawa felt her heart swell in gratitude. Her anxieties were lessened by her boyfriends and she relaxed into Iwaizumi's arms. But she couldn't get rid of them entirely. As simple as the operation was, nothing was guaranteed. What if something did go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, basically what im trying to say is matsukawa is a sexual deviant  
> also this is way less angsty than intended?? im gonna have to up my game next chap  
> and sorry for the delay im still getting back on schedule  
> as always comments and kudos are very much appreciated 
> 
> chap title inspiration: Maybe- Lily Kershaw 
> 
> my tumblr- happytreasuree


	11. I've Got High Hopes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> watch out for transphobic slur in this chap

Oikawa was completely out of it when she woke up. So much so, that it was almost laughable. She sat idly in the hospital bed, having woken only moments before.

 

"Hey, baby girl," Iwaizumi said softly, "how do you feel?" 

 

Oikawa jolted as if she had been shocked, "Huh?" 

 

Hanamaki snickered, "How are you feeling, Tooru?" 

 

"Did I fall asleep?" Oikawa slurred.

 

"Yeah, just a little bit," Matsukawa chuckled. 

 

"Oh...well, let's go home," she suggested in reply, starting to shove away the covers. 

 

"Woah, woah, woah, you can't get up!" Iwaizumi exclaimed, quickly rising to stop her.

 

"I can...walk?" Oikawa said, although it was phrased more as a question than a statement.

 

"Babe, you just got out of surgery," Matsukawa informed her.

 

Oikawa groaned in exasperation, "Oh, my god, what happened? How long have I been in a coma?" 

 

"You were never in a coma,” Hanamaki laughed, “You hurt your knee.”

 

Oikawa slowly looked down to her knee. "Oh,...that's unfortunate," she deadpanned, clearly too out of it to properly understand what had happened.

 

"Okay, maybe we should call the nurse," Iwaizumi suggested, as Oikawa attempted to get out of bed again.

 

-

 

Oikawa's physical therapist, Hirayama, tsked at him as he tried to rush through his exercises. He groaned in response and started the set over–this time going at a controlled pace. 

 

"Anybody ever told you that the slow and steady tortoise wins the race?" Hirayama smirked.

 

"A humble rabbit would've won too," Oikawa huffed in annoyance.

 

Hirayama laughed, "Yeah, but I'm not sure the word humble suits you." 

 

Oikawa placed a hand over his chest in mock offense, "Hirayama-chan, you cut deep!" 

 

Hirayama only gave him a small laugh and rolled her eyes before moving on to help her next patient. 

 

Oikawa tried to focus on lifting the weighted bar up with his leg, but, despite his best efforts, his thoughts ran wild. It was only a little over a month after his surgery and progress was  _slow_. Hirayama assured him that he was making steady progress, but all Oikawa could think about was how his team was finishing up the season without him and here he was, not even able to jump serve anymore. But the thing that scared him the most was that when he finally got back on the court, he wouldn't be the same player he was before. Oikawa had seen the fear of reinjury ruin good players, and he couldn’t help but be scared that he’d never be sure of his movements on the court again. 

 

Despite the looming thoughts, he finished his physical therapy soon enough, and bid Hirayama goodbye before heading to the waiting room where Kenma was waiting for him.

 

"Ready?" Kenma hummed, glancing up from the game they were playing. 

 

"Yep," Oikawa confirmed.

 

The two of them quietly walked back to their apartment that was, thankfully, only a few blocks from where Oikawa went to physical therapy. 

 

"So, how's your knee feeling?" Kenma asked lowly, somehow managing to make their way through the crowded streets without looking up. 

 

"Okay? I still feel like I'm not getting better fast enough, and that I'm gonna be so outta practice when I get back," Oikawa admitted.

 

"Well, I think, with how good of a player you are you won't ever need to play catch up," Kenma complimented, in hopes of allaying his concerns.

 

"Aww, Kenma-chan loves me so much," Oikawa cooed, grinning.

 

"Of course, I do-you're my best friend," Kenma mumbled with a slight blush. 

 

Oikawa was about to continue to tease his friend when a sudden ringing cut him off. Oikawa swiftly pulled his phone out of his back pocket and gave a surprised look at the caller ID.

 

"Who is it?" Kenma questioned. 

 

"Uh, my mom," Oikawa replied, quickly accepting the call. 

 

"Hey, mom!" Oikawa greeted cheerfully. 

 

"Hello, Tooru-chan," his mom enthused, "How are you? I've been so worried about you!" 

 

"I'm okay, mom," Oikawa assured, "The surgery went well." 

 

"Yes, but a mother must make sure for herself," his mother said in a sage tone. 

 

"Well, since I'm such an amazing child I've decided to come visit you this weekend," Oikawa chipped.

 

"Wonderful! Your sister will be here too!" his mom said enthusiastically.

 

"Okay, great. Anyway, I’ll talk to you later, I'm still walking home from physical therapy," Oikawa explained.

 

"Alright, I'll let you go. I love you, Tooru-chan," she said happily.

 

"I love you too, mom," Oikawa chuckled, before ending the call. 

 

-

 

Oikawa: okay i'm lowkey thinking of telling my sister and mom about us when i go home this weekend 

 

Iwaizumi: You should do it. My parents were upset about it at first but they came around. I mean, they're still super awkward but it's better.

 

Hanamaki: it only made me closer with my mom when i told her so i definitely recommend it! 

 

Matsukawa: i can't really give you any wise advice but i say go for it 

 

Iwaizumi: Even if your mom takes a while to warm up to the idea, I'm sure Ai-chan will accept you no matter what.

 

Oikawa: true. ai-chan has always been a good big sister 

 

Oikawa: i mean i'm not ready to come out as trans by any means but i think it's a good step forward

 

Iwaizumi: definitely 

 

Hanamaki: proud of u tooru!!

 

-

 

"Jeez, Ai-chan, you put on a bit of weight," Oikawa joked. 

 

"Yeah, sometimes the eighth month of pregnancy does that to you," his sister responded sarcastically. 

 

Oikawa laughed in response, "So, how's my soon-to-be niece doing?" 

 

"She's still kicking," Ai said, jumping at the chance to make a pun. 

 

Oikawa snorted, "It’s good to be home."

 

-

 

Hanamaki: so how'd it go 

 

Oikawa: okay wtf Ai-chan wasn't even surprised 

 

Iwaizumi: She's always been perceptive 

 

Oikawa: she literally won a bet w/ her husband over whether i was dating just hajime or all of you 

 

Hanamaki: i love Ai-chan sm tbh 

 

Matsukawa: lmao toorus sister is wildin 

 

Iwaizumi: What about your mom?

 

Oikawa: she said she already assumed I'd been dating Hajime since i've been a first year 

 

Oikawa: she was a lil shocked when i told her but she said it was okay as long as i was happy 

 

Hanamaki: yassss i love mama Oikawa 

 

Oikawa: i don't think she really understands but she's trying 

 

Matsukawa: that's good

 

Iwaizumi: I'm glad it went well, Tooru

 

-

 

Matsukawa, like any other rational human being, loathed finals. 

 

"Hajime, this is it," Matsukawa said, dramatically draping himself across the couch.

 

"Hmm?" Iwaizumi hummed in query, tapping his pencil against the text book he was reading at the kitchen table. Iwaizumi was such a good student. But Matsukawa felt bad for him because he’d have to get his PhD to become a physical therapist. 

 

"I think I'm going to die," Matsukawa announced. 

 

"Hmm," Iwaizumi replied again. 

 

"Hajime, I'm trying to procrastinate studying! Pay attention to me," Matsukawa complained. 

 

"Sorry, I'm just trying to brush up on the muscle groups," Iwaizumi explained, distractedly. 

 

"Please, don't let me distract you from your machoism," Matsukawa joked. 

 

Iwaizumi snorted, "Getting my PhD in a subject I enjoy isn't torture. I actually find this stuff interesting." 

 

"Ugh, motivated and ambitious people disgust me," Matsukawa teased. 

 

"Well, we only have one more year left until we graduate, so there's that to look forward to," Iwaizumi pointed out. 

 

"Yep, and then we get to come back and get our masters," Matsukawa griped.

 

Iwaizumi wordlessly stood up, picked up Scooter from where she was laying by the door, and deposited her on Matsukawa's chest. 

 

"Why did you just place this animal atop me?" Matsukawa asked, despite immediately bringing a hand up to scratch behind Scooter's ear.

 

"I thought you could do with a reminder that not everything sucks," Iwaizumi smiled.

 

"Aww, Hajime, you're so sweet! But that's what I keep you around for," Matsukawa cooed.

 

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes lovingly. "We can take a break from studying if you want," he offered.

 

"I thought you'd never ask," Matsukawa smiled. 

 

-

 

 Hanamaki made a half-hearted attempt to shake the rain off his coat before he entered the building. Realizing the water had soaked through and practically became a second skin he gave up and slowly trudged to his dorm, letting out a sigh as he entered his room. 

 

Hanamaki had always hoped that long distance would get easier with time but it never did. At least he only had one more year of college before he graduated.

 

Still, it seemed the closer he got to graduation, the slower time passed. He was hoping to finish college with a degree and to find either an internship or a teaching job.

 

All he had to do was make it through another year of college... and graduate–which was easier said than done, in Hanamaki's opinion. 

 

Hanamaki attempted to drag himself out of his self-pity party in order to study, but it was to no avail.

 

Eventually, he caved and decided to call his boyfriends. However, upon unlocking his phone, he realized it was much later than he expected. Iwaizumi definitely wouldn't be up. Matsukawa might be, but his best bet was Oikawa, so, he called her. Unfortunately, Oikawa didn't pick up. Hanamaki decided to try Matsukawa next. 

 

Reliable as always, Matsukawa picked up on the third ring. "Hey babe, what's up?" 

 

In response, Hanamaki made an unintelligible groaning sound. 

 

Matsukawa chuckled, "Finals got you down?" 

 

"You could say that," Hanamaki sighed tiredly.

 

"Same here. I feel like if I keep trying to memorize proper marketing techniques, I'm going to gouge my own eyeballs out." 

 

Hanamaki giggled, "Gruesome but understandable." 

 

"Anyway, how's your day been?" Matsukawa asked. 

 

"It was okay. Better, now that I'm talking to you," he said sincerely.

 

"I really miss you right now." Matsukawa responded.

 

"I miss you too." 

 

Matsukawa paused, "Do you ever feel like we're in  _way_  over our heads?" 

 

"All the time. But I know that I never wanna give you guys up," Hanamaki assured.

 

"I feel the same," Matsukawa agreed, "but sometimes, it just feels like we'll always be stuck in this trap because of who we are and-I dunno-I feel...I feel lost."

 

"Why the sudden uncertainty?" Hanamaki questioned.

 

"I was just thinking about how Tooru came out to her family and how I can never do that. I'll never be able to tell my coworkers about my amazing partners, or brag about you guys to my friends. It's just so unfair," Matsukawa lamented.

 

"Well, we all have each other. I think the world can be a good place, and I've been openly trans since I was young," Hanamaki reasoned, in an attempt to be optimistic. 

 

"Hanamaki, people wrote 'tranny' on your desk and threw paper balls at your head. They tripped you in the hallways and called you slurs. You even got the shit beat out of you for using the boy’s bathroom," Matsukawa snapped.

 

Hanamaki was stunned into silence. Matsukawa was usually fairly level-headed and calm. He was slightly hurt by Matsukawa's harsh response, but he wasn't necessarily wrong. Hanamaki  _had_  been tormented his entire high school career, but he chose to try and look that the positives like volleyball and meeting his best friends. 

 

Matsukawa sighed, "I'm sorry 'Hiro–it's just so tiring," He paused, "The other day...the other day I was talking to Tooru, and she had pretty bad dysphoria, but regardless, she told me about how she was thinking about coming out as trans to this girl in her Physics class. And then she told me about how a few hours earlier, she had read an article about a trans girl who was stabbed to death outside her apartment. She told me...she told me that sometimes she wishes that she never came out anyone at all, no matter how badly it hurt, because then, at least she wouldn't have to worry about her life being ruined."

 

Several seconds passed after Matsukawa finished, before Hanamaki found himself able to respond. "Issei, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry it all sucks so much and I really wish it didn't. I really wish people didn't hate us and I really wish we weren't killed, but we are. And all we can do is fight for a better future, and find solace in each other. I wish I could give you a better answer but I can't." 

 

"I know, I know, you’re right, it's just...I'm so scared," Matsukawa admitted, "I'm scared that everything will come crashing down." 

 

"That's why you have us, and you'll always have us." 

 

"But what if one day I don't?" 

 

"You just have to hope." 

 

-

 

Iwaizumi got up with the sun, and usually Scooter got up with him, and begged for a walk the minute he got out of bed. Not that Iwaizumi minded–it meant that he didn't have to wait for Matsukawa to wake up. 

 

So, when he awoke to find the space next to him cold and empty, he was understandably surprised. He dragged himself out of bed and into the living room in search of Matsukawa. Luckily, it wasn't a very hard disappearance to solve, as he found Matsukawa on the couch a few seconds later. 

 

At first, Iwaizumi thought Matsukawa was on his phone or got up early to study but, upon further inspection, Iwaizumi found he was just sitting there, staring into space.

 

"You good, Issei?" Iwaizumi asked softly, not wanting to disrupt the calm morning atmosphere.

 

Matsukawa jumped slightly, "Oh, yeah, sorry, I was just kinda lost in my thoughts."

 

"Yeah, but why are you on the couch at five in the morning?" Iwaizumi asked. 

 

"Couldn't sleep," Matsukawa explained. 

 

"You really need to get more-"

 

"Hajime," Matsukawa interjected, "You know how much I love it when you mother me, but I think Scooter might have an aneurysm if you don't take her on her morning run." 

 

Iwaizumi directed his attention to the small, wiry pup next to him who looked about ready to explode form excitement with her tail wagging at a ferocious speed.

 

Iwaizumi sighed, "Alright, we can talk after my run." 

 

"Great, that gives me just enough time to devise a plan of how I can distract you with sexual favors," Matsukawa joked.

 

Iwaizumi snorted, "I'll see you when I get back."

 

"Love you!" Matsukawa called.

 

"Love you too." 

 

Iwaizumi could only hope that everything was really okay. Because all of them were struggling to get through finals and, as they all knew from bitter experience, it was so much harder to be apart from the ones you loved when you'd recently held them so close. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally intended to revolve the angst around oiks injury (still not sure if that'll have a happy ending or not) but when I write I just kinda word vomit and I decided to go down a more cynic route. 
> 
> Anyway this is the 11th chap of this fic (can you believe it??) and its slowly coming to a close (maybe 3 more chaps tops). Im sad to see it end but its only gotten this far because of y'alls continued support.  
> I am considering continuing the series if people who like to see more of this world!
> 
> As always kudos and comments are appreciated and constructive criticism is welcome 
> 
> Chap title- high hopes - kodaline
> 
> thanks to kitty for betaing 
> 
> my tumblr- happytreasuree


	12. Deep in my Tired Eyes

Oikawa huffed as his fourth serve smacked into the net.

 

Kuroo looked over at him and sighed in resignation, "You know, if you focus on just your jump floats right now, it will be a lot easier on your knees." 

 

"But I've been MIA for the past six months! I need to  _practice_ ," Oikawa protested. 

 

"All the more reason to take it slow," Kuroo reiterated, giving him a droll look. 

 

Oikawa groaned but, as advised, he begrudgingly started practicing just his jump float serve.

 

 

-

 

 

Hanamaki: god can you believe this is our last year of college? 

 

Matsukawa: doesn't seem real does it? it's all gone by so fast it's almost dizzying 

 

Oikawa: i cant wait to be done!! i've gotten blackout drunk every fuckin year after finals and every time i get a new piercing...like i need to chill

 

Iwaizumi: I can't believe you got a belly button piercing this year 

 

Oikawa: awh but you love it

 

Hanamaki: oh we all know how much hajime loves your piercing 

 

Matsukawa: he's blushing rn just so you guys know 

 

Hanamaki: hahah what a sap

 

Matsukawa: hey 'hiro what are u gonna do after u finish college 

 

Hanamaki: i was gonna wait to tell you guys but i'm thinking of finding a job in osaka 

 

Hanamaki: and rooming w you two if you'll have me

 

Matsukawa: wait really 

 

Iwaizumi: Of course we'll have you!

 

Matsukawa: yussss we'd love to have you with us 'hiro 

 

Hanamaki: yayyy i'm so happy!

 

 

 

-

 

 

Oikawa wouldn't say that he was jealous. How could he be? He was happy that his boyfriends would get to live together. If there was a term for how he was feeling, left out was more apt. He wasn't jealous—just lonely.

 

One more year felt like an eternity.

 

But now wasn't the time for moping around. Midterms would be breathing down his neck before he knew it, and Oikawa always did like to get a head start on things. So, he reluctantly opened his textbook and started on his studies.

 

"Tooru, you still up?" Kenma asked, as they walked into the kitchen some time later.

 

"Yeah, I was just studying...what's the time?" Oikawa yawned in reply. 

 

"Two in the morning," Kenma answered.

 

"Oh, damn," Oikawa said, rubbing his tired eyes. 

 

"Yeah, damn," Kenma responded, standing on their tippy toes to retrieve a mug from the top shelf. 

 

"Why are you still up, then?" Oikawa raised an eyebrow.

 

Kenma shrugged their shoulders, "Can't sleep." 

 

"Wanna watch a movie till we fall asleep?" Oikawa suggested, marking his page and packing up his things.

 

"Sure, I'm gonna make some tea, want any?" 

 

"Yeah, that'd be great," Oikawa smiled at them. He could really use a hot drink.

 

 

-

 

 

 

Matsukawa lazily petted Scooter as he lounged on the couch. He knew he should probably be doing homework or reviewing notes, but he was exhausted. He smiled fondly when he heard Iwaizumi shuffle into the room and saw him plop onto the couch next to him. 

 

"What's up?" Matsukawa asked.

 

"I really wish Tooru could come live with us," Iwaizumi murmured, leaning his head against his boyfriend's shoulder.

 

"Yeah, me too. But, you know, they've gotta go on and do great things," Matsukawa said with a lopsided grin. 

 

"Yeah, I hope the national team still scouts them," Iwaizumi mused. 

 

"I bet they will. Oikawa said they're steadily improving," Matsukawa pointed out. 

 

"What about you?" Iwaizumi pried, turning to look at him properly. 

 

"What about me?" 

 

"I dunno... you've been kinda reserved lately," Iwaizumi explained. 

 

"Beginning-of-the-school-year blues?" Matsukawa offered. 

 

Iwaizumi gave him a doubtful look, "Something's bothering you, what is it?" 

 

Matsukawa let out a sigh, "It's my parents...they've been pressuring me to get a girlfriend." 

 

"Have you given them an excuse?" Iwaizumi asked.

 

"Yeah, I told them I'm focusing on my studies," Matsukawa answered.

 

"I see," Iwaizumi said. Then, slowly, like he was carefully choosing his next words, he said, "Have you thought about maybe coming ou-"

 

"No," Matsukawa snapped, tensing up. Iwaizumi pulled back as he looked at Matsukawa in concern. Matsukawa's features softened, "I'm sorry, Hajime. I just- I can't do that."

 

"No, it’s okay," Iwaizumi reassured, "No matter what, we'll be here for you." 

 

Matsukawa pulled Iwaizumi close again, "I know." 

 

 

-

 

 

College was ridiculously relaxed compared to high school. Well, at least the students were; less petty, in Hanamaki's opinion. Usually, his peers kept to themselves and ignored him. He'd only been picked on a handful of times since college started, and most of it was just slurs thrown at him as he walked down the hall. In addition, despite him not being secretive about being trans, he didn't tell everyone he met so he passed as cis fairly well. Because of that, he was left alone for the most part. 

 

 

However, there was still the occasional asshole. Usually, Hanamaki just stayed out of their way and he was fine. Of course, sometimes the assholes went out of their way to torment Hanamaki which he couldn't really do much about. And it just so happened that today was one of those days. 

 

"Hey, tranny!" Hanamaki heard someone call from behind him.

 

"Yes?" Hanamaki asked as he turned around, plastering a huge fake smile on his face. It was better to just act completely unaffected—they got bored faster that way. Kill them with kindness, right? 

 

Unfortunately, before Hanamaki could even look at the person who had yelled at him, someone had spit in his face and shoved him to the floor. Then, just as he was about to get back up, his back pack was ripped off him, and he heard the tell-tale sounds of ripping cloth as they tore it up and thud of books hitting the floor as they emptied it. In the meantime, one of the bullies gave him a quick kick to the stomach. While he curled up in pain, the sound of laughter, moving away down the hallway, mocked him.

 

Hanamaki uncurled after a bit, letting his head lay on the cool tile. He counted to five before picking himself up. He winced at the sharp pain in his stomach caused by his movements. Still, it wasn’t the worst pain he’d ever been in.

 

He harshly wiped the spit off his face with his sleeve and got to work picking up his belongings. At least they'd only torn the front part of his bag, and he could still pack his books in it. When he finished and finally took in his surroundings, he noticed his classmates staring at him with pitying eyes. 

 

"Freak show's over, assholes!" he snapped, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and racing down the hall, his cheeks on fire with the shame and humiliation of it all.

 

 

-

 

 

Hanamaki: i got spit on today :,) 

 

Matsukawa: holy shit wtf?! by who???!!!!! i'ma beat 'em up

 

Hanamaki: some assholes 

 

Hanamaki: i've actually never been spit on before. unsurprisingly, it's just as gross as it sounds 

 

Iwaizumi: that's horrible! can't you report it?

 

Oikawa: yeah that's fucked up on so many levels, i didn't even know there were people so messed up

 

Hanamaki: i can't-i'm trying to keep my head down. they said at the beginning that if i caused any trouble they'd put me in the girls' dorm

 

Matsukawa: but you didn't do anything!!! 

 

Hanamaki: yeah but they're not gonna see it that way

 

Oikawa: this is so fucked 

 

Iwaizumi: I'm already fucking done with this year

 

Hanamaki: tell me about it

 

Matsukawa: i'm fucking livid 

 

Hanamaki: can we just have a group call?

 

Iwaizumi: of course

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

"Fucking finally," Oikawa breathed, putting his hands on his knees as he attempted to catch his breath. He'd been at it for an hour before he had finally been able to get a jump serve over the net. Well, a jump serve that he deemed worthy, that was.

 

"Can we go home now?" Kuroo groaned. He'd been supervising Oikawa while he stayed late after practice. 

 

"I was just getting started," Oikawa began to protest, but he gave up when he saw the stern look on Kuroo's face. "Fine, but can I at least set to you for a little bit? I want to be able to crush Tobio-chan's team again this year."

 

The oddball duo both attended Hanamaki's college in Kyoto. Oikawa was happy to face off with Kageyama last year, and even happier when his team had won. He'd be damned if he sat out round two in his last year of college. 

 

Kuroo grinned, "As long as you don't push yourself too much." 

 

"So, what's it like being captain again?" Oikawa asked after a few sets. 

 

"It's an honor, and I hope I can lead this team to victory. Then again, the position was practically yours before you got injured," Kuroo pointed out. 

 

"Well, that's my own damn fault. Besides if it's not me. I'm glad it’s you. You'll make a great captain, Tetsurou," Oikawa smiled. Of course, it sucked that he wasn't going to be captain his senior year, because of some stupid mistake that resulted in injury, but he was happy for his friend. He technically wasn't a starting player right now but Oikawa doubted that'd last long. 

 

"You ready to head home?" Kuroo questioned, snapping Oikawa to attention.

 

"You'll have to drag me outta here," Oikawa teased, sticking out his tongue.

 

"Don't I always?" Kuroo chuckled. 

 

 

-

 

 

"Wow, I'm wayyy outta practice," Matsukawa sighed, after he missed a ball for the second time.

 

"It's fine, you never were that good at receiving," Iwaizumi smirked. 

 

"Wow, you cut deep, Hajime," Matsukawa joked, "Anyway, don't you have practice again later today? Why'd you feel the need to drag me to the park for practice?" 

 

"Stress relief?" Iwaizumi said, although it was phrased more like a question. 

 

"You okay?" Matsukawa asked, slightly concerned.

 

"I dunno... Do you ever feel like it's all moving too fast, and one day we're gonna wake up and realize that we've been apart for too long?" Iwaizumi babbled.

 

Matsukawa caught the ball when it came back over to him. "Okay. Clearly, you’re not okay," Matsukawa stated. 

 

"Issei, I'm fine," Iwaizumi grumbled in response.

 

"You know we love you more than anything, right?" Matsukawa said. 

 

"Yes, of course, it's just that... we're so close to the end and I don't want it all to fall apart now," Iwaizumi shrugged. 

 

"We just have to keep fighting for it," Matsukawa assured him. 

 

"I know, and I intend to, it's just...do you ever feel that it won't always be enough?" Iwaizumi whispered. 

 

"I try not to think about that because, regardless of any of that, you guys make me unbelievably happy. And I think that's worth whatever heartbreak I'd feel if this didn't work out," Matsukawa said firmly. 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Hanamaki pulled his hood over his head and speed-walked down the hall. The incident with the students attacking him had spread through the school like wildfire and, while Hanamaki wasn't ashamed of being trans, he'd rather liked passing as cis. But now everyone knew. It was like high school all over again where everyone knew him as 'the trans kid'. 

 

Of course, it wasn't as bad as high school had been, but Hanamaki swore he could feel their eyes boring holes into the back of his head. Maybe he was just being paranoid, but he picked up his pace regardless.

 

Luckily, he managed to make it to his dorm without anyone stopping him. He breathed a sigh of relief when he closed the door behind him. 

 

"Hey, Hanamaki?" his roommate asked when he walked through the foyer. 

 

"What's up, Nagai-kun?" he responded. 

 

"You know I respect you and all that," Hanamaki raised an eyebrow at his roommate’s words. This wouldn't end well. "but I've been getting a lot of shit for being your roommate, and I really can't take it anymore." 

 

Hanamaki took in a shaky breath. This wasn't the first time this had happened. Most people didn't want to deal with the second-hand bullying that came with being his friend, and he couldn't really blame them. "What are you saying?" 

 

"I'm really sorry, but I've requested that I have a different roommate," Nagai said quietly, looking away.

 

"It's okay, I understand. You don't need to be sorry," Hanamaki said, calmly. 

 

"No, I'm sorry because I think they're gonna transfer you to the girls' dorm." Nagai explained. 

 

Hanamaki froze. Now  _that_ was a problem. "Um, I gotta go," Hanamaki said quickly. He wasn't sure where he was going, but he did know that he needed to get out of there. He rushed back out of his dorm room and down the halls.

 

He didn't have a destination in mind, but he found himself at a small garden behind one of the buildings. Hanamaki often studied on the little bench that was next to the flower bed. He liked the quaint little spot for its tranquil atmosphere, and the lack of people that visited it. 

 

Hanamaki didn't even attempt to stop the tears that rolled down his cheeks as he slowly sat down on the bench. Hanamaki could deal with Nagai not wanting to room with him anymore, but the girls' dorm? He would be more than miserable—he would be humiliated. After everything he had put up with to make sure the school saw him as a boy, too.

 

"Hey, are you okay?" someone said gently.

 

Hanamaki tensed up, he hadn't expected anyone to show up. When he lifted his head, he was surprised to find the shrimpy, redhead kid from Karasuno.

 

"Hey, I know you! You're one of Oikawa-san's friends! Hanamaki, right?" the kid chirped. 

 

"Ah, yeah, that's me. And you're Hinata?" Hanamaki asked. 

 

"Yep! I'm on the volleyball team," he said, grinning proudly. 

 

"Yeah, you and Kageyama make quite the duo," Hanamaki commented, rubbing at his eyes.

 

"Why are you crying?" Hinata questioned.

 

Wow, this kid had no tact. 

 

Well, he might as well be blunt too, Hanamaki decided. "The school may force me to use the girls' dorms because my roommate is requesting that we no longer live together."

 

"Oh, yeah I heard what happened to you," Hinata said with a frown, "that's super fucked up."

 

Hanamaki's raised his eyebrows in surprise. Not only was it unusual for people to side with him so readily, but the curse sounded odd coming from someone he’d deemed so innocent. "Doesn't really matter how fucked up it is, there's nothing I can do to stop it." Hanamaki shrugged. He sounded surprisingly more stable than he felt.

 

"Come live with me and Kageyama," Hinata blurted out. 

 

Hanamaki's eyes widened. He definitely hadn't expected that.

 

"We have our own place and a spare room and everything, and I don't want you to have to be in the girl's dorm," Hinata continued to babble.

 

"Uh...You sure Kageyama will be okay with it? I mean you guys don't really know me," Hanamaki pointed out. 

 

"Well, I know it's not right that they're making you stay in the girl's dorm," Hinata said firmly, his eyes flashing.

 

"Hinata...I can't ask this from you," Hanamaki reasoned. 

 

"Well, it's a good thing you're accepting and not asking, then!" Hinata exclaimed.

 

"Okay," Hanamaki said with a slight nod. No point in looking a gift horse in the mouth. "Can you give me your number so that we can plan it out?" 

 

"Sure!" Hinata beamed, whipping out his phone from his bag.

 

"I really I can't thank you enough," Hanamaki said gratefully. Hinata’s offer would be one of the best things that happened to him recently. 

 

Hinata waved his hand dismissively, "Don't mention it!" 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Hanamaki: okay bad news but also good news 

 

Oikawa: bad news first!

 

Hanamaki: nagai-kun doesnt wanna room w/ me anymore and the school will probably force me to stay in the girls dorms

 

Matsukawa: what the fuck!!!

 

Iwaizumi: Holy shit, that's messed up 

 

Oikawa: wait what's the good news then??

 

Hanamaki: so hinata offered to let me live w/ him and kageyama

 

Oikawa: wtf ur living w tobio-chan?!?

 

Hanamaki: its that or the girls' dorm

 

Oikawa: fair enough

 

Matsukawa: ok i'm still super pissed about all the bullshit you’re going through, but living w/ those two has got to be interesting

 

Iwaizumi: Huh, I wonder how they're doing 

 

Hanamaki: gay 

 

Oikawa: ha! i knew they were fucking

 

Hanamaki: more like they're sickeningly in love 

 

Oikawa: i refuse to believe tobio-chan isn't some type of robot incapable of love 

 

Hanamaki: he only calls hinata 'shou' and 'sweetheart'

 

Iwaizumi: Didn't peg Kageyama as one for cutesy pet names 

 

Oikawa: i didnt peg kageyama as being capable of loving another human being 

 

Matsukawa: i thought he was a robot 

 

Oikawa: shit you right 

 

Oikawa: i didnt peg kageyama as being capable of loving anything ever 

 

Matsukawa: there ya go 

 

Hanamaki: oh stop picking on him, he's actually a sweet kid

 

Hanamaki: and they're letting me stay w/ them. i haven't moved in yet but i spent last night here and they're so nice 

 

Hanamaki: also kageyama can actually cook

 

Oikawa: lucky the only one who can cook is kenma and they rely solely on cereal for nourishment 

 

Matsukawa: yikes at least me and hajime can kinda cook

 

Iwaizumi: You exploded a glass brownie tin

 

Matsukawa: that was one time!!!!

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Oikawa put the bottle to her mouth and took another swig. The warmth that spread through her made her sigh in relief. However, she immediately tensed as she heard the rooftop door open.

 

"It's just me," she heard Kenma whisper.

 

"Did you come up here to make sure I don't do anything stupid?" she demanded. Kenma merely shrugged.

 

"I don't need supervision!" Oikawa snapped. 

 

"Yeah, but I might," Kenma mumbled. 

 

"Not feeling well?" Oikawa asked, voice significantly softer. "Is Tetsu-chan not up?"

 

"He is," Kenma responded.

 

Oikawa knew what that meant. That meant that Kenma loved Kuroo more than anything and couldn't bear the thought of revealing that they were struggling more than they let on. 

 

It was easier to see how stupid it was when someone else was doing it, but she couldn't judge—that'd make her horribly hypocritical.

 

"Don't worry. I'm not doing so good either," Oikawa admitted, offering Kenma the bottle. 

 

Kenma gave the bottle a skeptical look before snatching it and chugging it down.

 

"Damn, maybe you needed a drink more than me," Oikawa chuckled.

 

Kenma wrinkled their nose, "Vodka? You must really wanna get shit faced."

 

Oikawa just gave a cheeky grin in response.

 

 "This is a bad idea," Kenma deadpanned.

 

"Just indulge in one of my bad ideas for once," Oikawa suggested.

 

Kenma rolled their eyes, "Just this once," they promised, taking another swig before passing the bottle back to Oikawa. 

 

"Besides, it's nice to forget for a little while," Oikawa sighed. 

 

"That it is," Kenma agreed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its a lil late but i didnt write at all during finals week however its summer and ill be updating more frequently!
> 
> however once again this fic is coming to an end, please be sure to let me know if you want to see more of this series
> 
> comments and kudos appreciated 
> 
> updated and betaed
> 
> as always constructive criticism is welcome 
> 
> my tumblr- happytreasuree
> 
> chap title - edge of darkness by armon jay


	13. Come Get a Little Closer to my Side

In the four months since he'd moved in, Hanamaki found that living with Hinata and Kageyama wasn't all that bad. In fact, it was actually a lot better than living in the dorms. The apartment was about twice the size, and Hanamaki wasn't going to lie, it was mostly because Kageyama's dad was loaded. Although, the atmosphere was a lot less easygoing. His hosts were a loud couple, and Hanamaki didn't mean in the sense that he could hear Hinata's moans from across the apartment (which he could), but in the sense that they got in weekly yelling matches that Hanamaki quickly learned held no real anger, had five food fights since he’d started living with them, and both cursed like sailors whenever they played video games together. However, Hanamaki found it all rather endearing and even entertaining at times. 

Hinata had even become a good friend. His excitable personality easily cheered Hanamaki up more than once. He even found enjoyment in tutoring Hinata, and sometimes Kageyama, who made it clear the only thing he was a genius in was volleyball. Although, Hanamaki couldn't blame them for their poor study habits because there was no doubt they would be scouted by the national team.   
   
Best of all, Kageyama was an excellent cook. 'It's the only reason I'm dating him,' Hinata once joked, before his boyfriend promptly threw chopsticks at the back of his head. Almost every night, they would have an actual decent home-cooked meal, something Hanamaki had desperately missed since starting college.   
   
Needless to say, Hanamaki was more than pleased with his new living arrangements.   
   
-  
   
   
Matsukawa: i've emerged from midterms victorious!!   
   
Oikawa: lucky! i still have one more exam  
   
Hanamaki: just look at it as being half way though out last year of college   
   
Iwaizumi: Doesn't feel like it   
   
Matsukawa: yeah still feels like we're third years in high school again   
   
Oikawa: ugh i'm so old now  
   
Iwaizumi: You're barely 22  
   
Hanamaki: ok but same i feel so old now  
   
Matsukawa: i just can't believe school's almost over  
   
Iwaizumi: I'm just happy we're becoming closer to living together   
   
   
-  
   
   
   
Scooter spun in circles on the carpet, chasing her tail. Matsukawa laughed as he held up his phone to take a video, making sure to send it to his Snapchat streaks.   
   
"Aww, come here, puppy!" Matsukawa cooed at Scooter.   
   
Scooter scampered up, nuzzling into Matsukawa's chest. Matsukawa laid back on the couch and Scooter followed suit, settling down on his chest.  
   
 "What do you want to do today, girl?" Matsukawa asked, patting the dog. Iwaizumi had classes all day, and volleyball practice right after, so Matsukawa had to entertain himself.  
   
"Maybe the dog park?" Matsukawa asked playfully.   
   
Scooter's ears immediately parked up, and she sprung off Matsukawa's chest. She howled happily as she ran in circles around the couch.  
   
"I'll take that as a yes?" Matsukawa teased.   
   
Scooter whined and yapped, following him around the apartment as he got ready, nearly tripping him over more than once.  
   
"Okay, okay let's go," Matsukawa laughed, pulling on his shoes.   
   
Scooter urged Matsukawa down the sidewalk, eager to get to the dog park. He hummed as he strolled through town; the clicking of Scooter's nails against the pavement providing background noise.  
   
Scooter got progressively jumpier the closer they got to the park. Matsukawa chuckled as he finally let her off the leash and she sprinted straight through the gates, with Matsukawa following closely behind.   
   
Scooter cavorted around, wriggling around in the dirt. Although Matsukawa found it cute, he grimaced when he realized he'd have to give her a bath later.   
   
He watched Scooter hop around and play with other pups for a while before he heard his phone chime.  
   
Hajime: Hey, the coach's wife went into labor and he told us to take the day off in celebration of his child's birth   
   
Matsukawa: oh sweet i missed you  
   
Matsukawa waited a few minutes before he got a response.  
   
Hajime:  I’ve only been gone a lil over half the day. Anyway, where are you? I just got home   
   
Matsukawa responded that he was at the dog park before slipping his phone back into his pocket and turning his attention back to Scooter.   
   
About a half an hour later, Matsukawa heard a familiar voice call his name.   
   
"Hajime!" Matsukawa beamed, turning to find his boyfriend jogging towards him.   
   
"Hey, how was your day?" he asked, pulling Matsukawa into a quick hug.   
   
"Good, Scooter got antsy so I took her to the park," Matsukawa explained.  
   
"I swear, she has endless energy," Iwaizumi chuckled, as he watched Scooter run under a German Shepherd's legs.   
   
"It's like she's powered by a fucking motor," Matsukawa agreed.   
   
"Anyway, what do you wanna do for dinner tonight?" Iwaizumi asked.   
   
"I dunno, let's go out to eat somewhere," Matsukawa suggested.   
   
"Any ideas?" his boyfriend prompted.  
   
"We'll figure it out," Matsukawa said, before his eyes went wide and he started booking it across the park towards Scooter.   
   
"Issei, what the-" Iwaizumi began, but any confusion was cleared as soon as he turned his head to see Scooter running straight for a muddy puddle.   
   
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Matsukawa muttered, as he rolled up his sleeves to pick Scooter out of the sludge, reaching her too late.  
   
"Now she's really gonna need a bath," Iwaizumi sighed.   
   
"Hajime, take off your shirt," Matsukawa prompted.   
   
Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow. "It's so I can swaddle the puppy," Matsukawa defended, "Though I wouldn’t mind seeing you shirtless." he added, wiggling his eyebrows.  
   
Iwaizumi rolled his eyes at Matsukawa’s cheeky grin, but took off his shirt nonetheless.  
   
Matsukawa huffed as he picked up Scooter with one hand before placing her in the shirt. "Okay," he said, securing her in the shirt, "now we should be able to get her to the bathroom without spreading mud all through the house."  
   
Iwaizumi snorted, "At least she likes baths."  
   
"Yeah, ya little weirdo," Matsukawa playfully teased the dog, holding it to his chest like a baby. She just licked his face in response.  
   
   
   
-  
   
   
"My entire body hurts," Kuroo complained.   
   
"Same," Oikawa whined.   
   
"What's wrong with you two?" Kenma asked, as they walked into the living room.  
   
"We had conditioning today," Kuroo sighed.  
   
Kenma scrunched up their nose. "Don't you have conditioning every day?"  
   
"Yeah, but this was all-day conditioning," Oikawa griped.   
   
"Oh," Kenma said, in understanding, "that fucking sucks."  
   
"Yes, it does," Kuroo agreed from his spot on the couch.   
   
"You guys want some ice?" Kenma offered.   
   
"Yusss," both said in unison.   
   
Oikawa was too tired to look but he could hear Kenma taking out plastic bags and filling them with ice.  
   
"Here ya go!" Kenma said, piling ice on his roommates.   
   
"Ah! Cold!" Kuroo yelped.   
   
"Deal with it," Kenma deadpanned.   
   
Oikawa snorted before looking down at his phone. He chuckled fondly at what he saw there, "Issei and Hajime took Scooter to the park and she got covered in mud, so they swaddled her in Hajime's shirt," Oikawa explained, showing the couple his phone.  
   
"Awh, she's adorable," Kenma crooned.  
   
"We should all meet up soon," Kuroo suggested, "Hanamaki's roommates too."  
   
Oikawa raised an eyebrow.  
   
"Okay, I know you don't like Kageyama, but Hinata's not that bad, and Kenma's friends with him too," Kuroo resoned.  
   
"Yeah," Kenma agreed, "besides Tobio isn't that bad he's just kinda..." Kenma trailed off, looking for the right word.   
   
"Socially inept?" Oikawa supplied.  
   
"Awkward," Kenma amended.  
   
"Okay, you've won me over," Oikawa conceded.  
   
   
-  
   
   
Oikawa: so tetsu-chan convinced me that we should all meet up, roommates and all  
   
Hanamaki: wait my roommates included?   
   
Oikawa: unfortunately   
   
Iwaizumi: Sounds fun  
   
Matsukawa: yeah i'm in. when's this happening?   
   
Oikawa: spring break  
   
Hanamaki: yay i'm looking forward to it!!  
   
Oikawa: same-even if i have to see tobio-chan  
   
   
-  
   
   
Hinata came barreling down the hallway with giddy excitement on his face and a shirt in his hand. Hanamaki was confused for all of two seconds, before a very angry Kageyama came sprinting after Hinata, yelling for him to give it back.   
   
Hanamaki watched as Kageyama caught Hinata by the couch, successfully pinning him down on the cushions and recapturing his shirt. Hanamaki smiled and tried to ignore his heartache when Kageyama leaned down and placed kisess all over Hinata's face.   
   
While he was grateful to live with the rambunctious couple, it was often a painful reminder of his long-distance relationship.   
   
"Hana-chan!" Hinata chirped.   
   
"Yes?" Hanamaki asked, walking towards the couch.   
   
"You should come shopping with me!"   
   
"Yeah, maybe," Hanamaki mused.   
   
"You should definitely come," Hinata beamed.  
   
"Yeah, it'd be fun," Kageyama agreed, sitting up off Hinata.   
   
"You're just saying that because you don't like going shopping with me," Hinata said, sticking out his tongue.   
   
"You take too long," Kageyama grumbled.   
   
"Don't worry, I'll go with you," Hanamaki offered.   
   
"Yay!" Hinata said happily.   
   
By the time the two of them had gotten dressed and had arrived at the mall, Hanamaki was ready for lunch.  
   
"Wanna grab something to eat?"  
   
"Sure, I'm getting kinda hungry," Hinata admitted.  
   
"Is that café across the street okay?" Hanamaki asked.  
   
"Yeah, sure," Hinata said, mindlessly beginning to walk across the street, his head turned as he continued to talk to Hanamaki.   
   
Without really thinking about it, Hanamaki shot out a hand, grabbing the back of Hinata's shirt before he could walk into the middle of the street, and most likely into a moving vehicle. He'd only lived with Hinata a few months, but he'd already adjusted to his impulsive behaviors. He seemed to always have his head in the clouds.  
   
"You should watch where you’re going," Hanamaki said with a slight smirk.  
   
"Sorry," Hinata replied sheepishly.   
   
Hanamaki snorted, before making sure they could cross the street without getting hit. He was pretty sure Kageyama would kill him if he let his boyfriend get run over by a car.   
   
Luckily, lunch went smoother than crossing the street.  
   
Hanamaki had some type of wrap that he found surprisingly delicious, while Hinata feasted on a pasta bowl.   
   
"Alright," Hanamaki said wiping his mouth with a napkin, "what stores do you want to hit?"   
   
"I dunno," Hinata said, swinging his legs back and forth under the table, "I need some spring and summer clothes."  
   
"Okay, I'm sure we can find you some stuff," Hanamaki assured.  
   
Turned out Hinata's idea of summer clothing was shorts and crop tops which he bought in bulk. Although Hanamaki couldn't blame him, because he looked cute in everything he tried on, and he was small enough that he could fit into most clothes in the women's department which gave him a wider selection.  
   
"I think I have everything I need!" Hinata said enthusiastically as the cashier handed him his last bag.  
   
"I'd say," Hanamaki said, "you spent upwards of 200 dollars."  
   
Hinata laughed, "Yeah, luckily Kageyama pays for it all—his allowance is a crazy amount. I definitely don't have that kind of money."   
   
"That's convenient, I'm tired of being a broke college kid," Hanamaki huffed, mocking annoyance.  
   
"Yeah, it's kinda like having a sugar daddy, but not old and gross," Hinata joked.   
   
Hanamaki laughed in response, "Well, it's doesn't get better than that, does it?"   
   
"You got that right," Hinata giggled.  
   
Hanamaki smiled as he watched Hianta walk along—although skipping may be a better word for Hinata's gait.   
   
He felt a surge of affection for his friend, which was becoming a common occurrence. Maybe getting through his last year of college wouldn't be as terrible as he first thought. 

   
-  
   
   
Finally, it was spring break and Oikawa was ecstatic. He absolutely couldn't wait for everyone to meet up again. They'd all decided to meet in Osaka and hit up the shopping district, do a little sightseeing, and go for dinner.   
   
In just a day, he'd get to see his boyfriends. At first, he was a bit irked that he'd have to pretend he wasn't dating his boyfriends because Hinata and Kageyama didn't know of their relationship, but due to an overheard conversation it was revealed. Apparently, Hinata had a knack for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Usually Oikawa would be a little uncomfortable with being outed, but Hinata and Kageyama were in a gay relationship too, which he knew about, so he wasn't too upset.   
   
Luckily the day passed quickly, and before Oikawa knew it, it was morning and he had to get up and get ready for the train ride to Osaka. Since they lived the farthest, they had an early train to catch and had also planned to stay the night. The odd ball duo, however, planned to travel back to Kyoto the same day. Kenma and Kuroo only planned to stay two days while Hanamaki and Oikawa would spend the rest of their spring break in Osaka.   
   
Oikawa focused back on getting ready after Kenma passed him in the hall and reminded him that he was dilly dallying. He smiled sheepishly before finishing getting dressed and making sure he had everything he needed for the trip.  
   
Unfortunately, the train ride felt ridiculously long, and sleep evaded him the entire duration. Unlike Kuroo, who'd conked out in his seat the minute the train started moving.   
   
Oikawa hooked his phone up to a portable charger with a sigh when he noticed the dying battery.   
   
"How much longer?" he complained to Kenma.   
   
"An hour," Kenma answered, keeping their eyes glued to the game they were playing.   
   
"I don't think I'll survive," Oikawa said dramatically.  
   
"I'll make sure you won't, if I lose this game because you're distracting me," Kenma replied.   
   
Oikawa wanted to be slightly offended by Kenma's snappiness, but he wasn’t even surprised. Kenma was very serious when it came to their games.   
   
Luckily for Oikawa, the next hour passed faster than the first four.   
   
When the train doors opened, Oikawa all but ran out into the platform, and once he spotted his boyfriends, he was in their arms in a matter of seconds.  
   
After the four of them had finished their hellos, everyone else exchanged greetings. Oikawa was happy to see Hinata and Kenma hugging. He'd always thought they had such a cute, innocent friendship.    
   
"Alright, is everybody ready to go see Osaka?" Iwaizumi asked. Everyone cheered in response.   
   
Although Oikawa had been to Osaka several times, and his boyfriends had already shown him most of the sights in the beautiful city, he couldn't help but be excited.   
   
The night began amazingly well, the shopping center put smiles on all their faces, and provided many opportunities for cute selfies, leaving all their Snapchat stories active.   
   
Kenma and Hinata got lost in lush for about twenty minutes, mesmerized by the sweet-smelling products, whereas Oikawa dragged his friends to makeup stores and spent way too much money. Once Hinata and Kageyama found the sporting goods store they were lost in the volleyball section, and, honestly, trying to get Kenma out of the gaming store was a lost cause. Regardless, Oikawa's sides hurt from laughing, and he basked in the easygoing atmosphere.   
   
However, eventually everyone got hungry, and they decided on a nearby diner.   
   
All of them were loud and rambunctious, stealing each other's food and probably annoying their waitress. Oikawa had never been happier.  
   
The night seemed to be winding down when someone suggested going to the Tempozan Ferris Wheel.    
   
Everyone readily agreed.  
   
So, there Oikawa found himself, in a seat with Matsukawa, cuddled close. His head on his boyfriend's shoulder as the Ferris wheel brought them to the top.   
   
He could hear the other couples whispering to each other, sweet words being exchanged, and kisses being pressed to foreheads.   
   
Suddenly, Oikawa felt invincible; like the bond they had was so strong it was almost tangible. All the worries of long-distance never working and bitter fights seemed to dissipate.   
   
"Y'know what?" Oikawa whispered.  
   
"What?" Matsukawa asked.  
   
"I think it's all gonna be okay," he replied. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yooooo next chapter will be the last one!!! wwowie...im shook  
> so pleaseeeeee leave me a comment if you want another part of this series!!
> 
> constructive criticism isnt appreciated!!
> 
> id love kudos and comments as they make my day!!
> 
> updated and betaed
> 
> my tumblr- happytreasuree
> 
> chap title - from here to Mars -we the kings


	14. I'll Be Here to Hold Your Hand

Oikawa couldn't breathe. She'd just learned that she'd been invited to practice with the national team, meaning that joining it was a huge possibility.

 

She quickly rushed inside her apartment, excitement rushing through her veins. "I did it!" she exclaimed loudly as she slammed the door open.

 

"Did what?" Kenma asked with a yawn, having awoken from their nap on the couch due to her loud entrance. 

 

"I've been invited to practice with the national team!" she explained. 

 

"Oh! Tooru, that's so good to hear! I'm so happy for you!" Kenma enthused, looking much more awake and lively.

 

"This is amazing, I didn't-" she was quickly cut off by the sound of the front door nearly being ripped open. 

 

"I got invited to practice with the national team!" Kuroo near shouted.

 

"You too?" Oikawa said, overjoyed. 

 

The interaction quickly ended up with bear hugs and tears of joy. 

 

The celebrated their night with a cake, bought from the store down the street, and cheap wine. 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Oikawa was slightly tipsy on the wine she indulged in, when she messaged her boyfriends. 

 

Oikawa: GUYS I GOT INVITED TO PRACTICE WITH THE NATIONAL TEAM!!! 

 

Hanamaki: OMG TOORU THATS AMAZING!?? IM SO PROUD

 

Matsukawa: Congrats tooru!! i know you'll make it

 

Iwaizumi: So proud of you, baby girl! You'll do amazing.

 

Oikawa couldn't wipe the wide smile off her face if she tried. Not even the fact that finals started tomorrow had her down. She was on top of the world. 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Oikawa regretted getting a little drunk the night before finals, as it left her with a slight migraine, but she was able to power through. The practice with the national team would be right after finals and right before graduation, and she couldn’t wait-she was practically buzzing with excitement. Still, she had to focus on her studies.

 

Hopefully, the week would pass by fast. Although, that thought left her with little solace as by the time she got back home she was ready to pass out face first into her pillow.

 

Just one week and college was over. One week until her dreams started coming true. One week. She could do this.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Matsukawa gripped his pencil a little tighter. He was  _not_ going to fail his last bout of finals. Although, he supposed he could only blame himself. He'd been slacking on his studies lately, but his behavior wasn't unwarranted. The constant pressure from his parents was starting to eat at him, and he could feel himself stressing the fuck out. Why did he have to have a girlfriend right now? Was going to college and getting an education not enough? Couldn’t they see he was trying?

 

Matsukawa took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He could do this. He just had to calm down, focus on the material in front of him, and finish the test.

 

Still, testing was more agonizing than it usually was. In the end, Matsukawa gave in and guessed on a few more problems than he would've liked. Well, there's nothing he could do now, he supposed.

 

The walk back to his apartment was slow as he dragged his feet, he kept replaying what his mom had last said to him over the phone.

 

 _"Issei, sweetheart, you really should find a nice girl to settle down with! You know I expect grandkids from you_ ," his mother had giggled. 

 

Matsukawa had made an excuse to end the call after that. A nice girl? Well, Oikawa had once made a joke to Iwaizumi about how he got the 'nice girl' part down when he started dating her. Although, he doubted his parents would accept Oikawa or the fact that he was dating two other boys. Back in Junior High when Hanamaki was still somewhat presenting as a girl, Matsukawa's parents had urged him to ask him out. However, once Hanamaki began using the boy's bathroom and even playing on the boys’ volleyball team, they quickly began instructing him to end their friendship. Matsukawa had stood his ground on that one. There was no way he was abandoning his best friend. It was still a sore topic in his household. His parents had opted for pretending that Hanamaki no longer existed.

 

But now, he wasn't so sure about standing up to his parents anymore. His parents were still his support system. There was no way he could make it through college without them. And coming out to them would put a strain on their relationship that Matsukawa wasn’t willing to risk. He wanted to keep his mouth shut but his parents were really piling on the pressure. He could always make up a lie, but then again, he never was a very good liar. 

 

Matsukawa rubbed at his temples, fearing the beginnings of a migraine. He'd just have to deal with his parents later, preferably after the hell that was finals had ended.  

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Iwaizumi left a chaste kiss on Matsukawa's cheek before rushing out the door. He'd woken up uncharacteristically late, unfortunately on the day of his last final. Iwaizumi sighed. This was the final push. He could do it. Once this was over, he'd finally get to graduate. 

 

Iwaizumi rushed into the class right before the test began. His professor shot him an annoyed look, and he offered an apologetic smile in response. He made sure to waste no more time, picking up his pencil and getting to work. 

 

Iwaizumi was surprised to find that the test took much less time than he would have guessed, not that he minded. He was ready to get out of there. 

 

Naturally, his boyfriend was surprised upon his early arrival. 

 

"That was quick," Matsukawa commented when Iwaizumi shuffled through the door. 

 

"Yeah, the test wasn't too terrible," Iwaizumi admitted. 

 

"Well, I guess we just finished college, then," Matsukawa marveled. 

 

"Yeah, can you believe it?" Iwaizumi said, equally blown away by the fact. 

 

"I should probably start looking into internships," Matsukawa sighed. 

 

"That's a good idea, but right now I don't want to think about anything school related," Iwaizumi groaned.

 

"I couldn't agree more," Matsukawa said, picking up the remote to browse Netflix, "Any suggestions?" 

 

"Hmm, how about a scary movie?" Iwaizumi responded. His boyfriend wrinkled his nose, deeming his suggestion unpleasant.

 

"Okay, I'll meet you halfway. We can watch a horror movie but only if it's so horrible, it's funny," Matsukawa reasoned.

 

"Deal," Iwaizumi replied, pressing a kiss to Matsukawa's temple. 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Oikawa had never been so ecstatic in his life. When Kuroo and he received the confirmation that they'd made the national team Oikawa jumped into Kuroo’s arms, tears of joy falling down his face. 

 

He was giddy with excitement. Not only was his dream coming true, but he was going to share it with his best friend. Of course, a few other players he knew had made the team such as Bokuto and (unfortunately) Ushijima. Oikawa didn't know Bokuto all too well. Although, he couldn't be too bad as he was close friends with Kuroo, and from what Oikawa had gathered from the few times he'd been drinking with him, Bokuto was a riot. Oddly enough, despite being an amazing ace, Bokuto didn't attend a powerhouse college. Instead, he settled for a college on the smaller side. Bokuto claimed it was because he didn't desire the bustle of a big city. Kuroo claimed it was so he could go to the same college as his boyfriend, Akaashi Keiji.

 

Regardless, Oikawa was sure he'd get along well with at least one of his teammates aside from Kuroo. In fact, Oikawa would get to see Bokuto soon, as Kuroo had decided the three of them would celebrate the good news after graduation. 

 

He still couldn't believe he was graduating college—much less a player on the national team. Once he and Kuroo finished freaking out about their accomplishments, he decided to skype his boyfriends and inform them. 

 

"I MADE THE TEAM," Oikawa squealed the second the group call connected.

 

"Tooru that's amazing, I knew you could do it," Hanamaki said proudly. 

 

"You're amazing, Tooru!" Matsukawa said, adding to the praise, "I can't wait to see you play."

 

Oikawa turned his attention to Iwaizumi who was giving him a fond smile. "I knew from the minute you that you started practicing jump serves in the backyard, years before anyone else would dare, that you'd do amazing things, and it looks like you just proved me right," Iwaizumi said softly. 

 

"Stop, I'm already crying no need to make me cry more," Oikawa said, a huge grin on his face as he wiped at the tears running down his cheeks. "I couldn't have done it without you guys," Oikawa sniffled, "You've all done so much for me, and I can't thank you enough."

 

"We love you, Tooru!" Hanamaki lilted. 

 

Oikawa couldn't help but wonder how he got so lucky as to end up with not only one, but three amazing people by his side.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

Matsukawa bit his lip as the graduation ceremony commenced. It wasn't that he was nervous or upset about graduating, the problem was his parents who were in the crowd with excited smiles for a son the believed they couldn't be prouder of. Matsukawa could never tell them.

 

Luckily, Iwaizumi placed a steady hand on his back, grounding him before he could start freaking out. "It'll be alright," he assured. Matsukawa took a deep breath and nodded. 

 

Still, he couldn't ignore the guilt that felt like a heavy weight on his chest when his parents cheered as he officially earned his degree. Matsukawa gave the camera his mother was holding a tight smile.

 

"Oh, Issei we couldn't be prouder of you!" his mother gushed. 

 

"You did good, son," his father said next, giving him a firm pat on the back. 

 

"Thank you," Matsukawa said, pushing down the shame that was bubbling up inside him.

 

"Hajime!" his mother cooed when she noticed the other boy appear next to Matsukawa, "Thank you so much for taking care of our Issei!" 

 

"It was no problem," Iwaizumi replied cordially. 

 

It felt like years before they could escape their parents and graduation. At first, Matsukawa had been terrified of Iwaizumi's parents outing them, but Iwaizumi assured him that he'd talked to his parents beforehand. Regardless, Matsukawa couldn't shake the anxiety that clawed at him. Matsukawa was sweating the entire time that their parents exchanged pleasantries and reminisced old times.

 

He was thankful when graduation came to an end, and Iwaizumi and he were allowed to slip away and attend a graduation party.

 

Matsukawa decided to squash his nerves with a shot the minute they arrived. Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow but didn't stop him. It was a party after all. 

 

At some point, Iwaizumi had gone to talk to some of his friends from volleyball, but Matsukawa didn't mind as he began joking around with some classmates once left alone. Although, their banter was interrupted by a rather small girl tapping his shoulder. Matsukawa had to admit she was rather stunning. The majority of her hair was tied up into two buns atop her head, her bangs were let loose to frame her face. Her winged eyeliner was applied with deadly precision that reminded him of Oikawa, and her bright red lipstick paired well with her sheer black tights and a skirt adorned by red flowers. He turned to her, but she said nothing, instead motioning for him to follow her. Matsukawa shrugged his shoulders and decided to take a chance. He excused himself from his friends who wolf-whistled, probably thinking she was leading him to a bedroom somewhere upstairs. Matsukawa hoped that wasn’t the case.

 

Instead he was lead to a rather secluded corner of the house. Matsukawa leaned against the wall, "Why'd you bring me here?" he asked, confused by the whole situation.

 

"I overheard your parents pressuring you to get a girlfriend at graduation," she admitted. Matsukawa furrowed his eyebrows, he didn't see why that concerned her. "And I know you're dating Iwaizumi."

 

Matsukawa started at her with wide eyes, "I don't know where-"

 

"Don't worry," she rolled her eyes, "you guys aren't obvious or anything. I could only really tell because I'm in the same situation. My girlfriend, Miyoshi Tatsu, is the setter for the girls’ volleyball team," she explained, "Also, I once saw you guys holding hands at the park." 

 

"Why are you telling me this?" he said slowly, giving the girl a suspicious look.

 

"Because my parents are breathing down my neck to get a boyfriend, and I think we can help each other out. Pretend to date, y’know? I love my girlfriend, but my parents would never support us," she said, with a sad smile. 

 

"I don't know, I'd have to talk to Hajime," Matsukawa answered.

 

"It's no rush," she assured him, "I can give you my phone number and we can talk it out. I'm Kawamura Maiko, by the way."

 

Matsukawa nodded, handing her his phone so she could enter her number. "Okay, thank you for helping me out." 

 

"No problem, you'd be doing me a huge favor as well!" she said with a grin. 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Hanamaki comforted a teary-eyed Hinata. 

 

"I'll miss you, Hana-chan," Hinata said miserably. 

 

"I'll still visit you," Hanamaki promised, in an attempt to pacify his friend. 

 

"I can't believe you're going to leave me all alone with Tobio!" Hinata whined petulantly.

 

"Hey!" Kageyama said in offense.

 

"Love you!" Hianta chirped at Kageyama, before clinging to Hanamaki again. 

 

Hanamaki patted the younger boy's head. "Hey, I'll still take you to that graduation party tonight, we can have one more giant celebration before I leave."

 

"I’ll still miss you," Hinata continued to complain.

 

"I'll miss you, too. You and Kageyama have become some of my best friends," Hanamaki said softly. 

 

"Stop, you'll make me cry!" Hianta protested.

 

"You're already crying," Hanamaki pointed out.

 

"You'll make me cry more!" 

 

Hanamaki merely rolled his eyes lovingly. He'd definitely miss his roommates. 

 

 

-

 

Hanamaki: guys good news!! i found a job at a local elementary school in osaka! 

 

Hanamaki: it's official! i’m moving to osaka

 

Iwaizumi: That's great! We can't to have you here, Taka

 

Matsukawa: yesssss i'm so excited for this 

 

Oikawa: you guys still better come visit me in Tokyo! 

 

Matsukawa: we will tooru!

 

Hanamaki: yeah! ill come down as often as possible! 

 

Iwaizumi: We'd miss you too much otherwise

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Oikawa had found graduation a bit boring—he was always more into the party scene than anything. Although, he enjoyed seeing his mother and sister. His sister proudly showed off her newborn who, in Oikawa's opinion, was the cutest baby in the world. Although, regardless of how happy he was to see his family, he was still relieved when graduation ended.

 

Oikawa was thrilled when Bokuto showed up, Akaashi in tow, ready to party. Even Kenma decided to join their night out. 

 

The five of them filtered from party to party, and it didn't take them very long to get wasted. Eventually, they stayed at one party, enjoying the vibe. 

 

Oikawa noticed Kuroo challenging Bokuto to see who could take the most shots, while Akaashi and Kenma seemed content with being wallflowers and people-watching. Oikawa was having none of that. 

 

"Come one, Kenma-chan! You too, Akaashi! Let's go dance!" Oikawa prompted. Both gave him skeptical looks, but he wouldn't take no for an answer.

 

Oikawa felt free. His friends around him all had smiles as wide as his, and the alcohol kept his mind off anything that could possibly be bothering him.

 

Of course, the party eventually winded down, and the five of them decided to bail. They ended up on the other side of town, where a small park resided. Kenma, who had been given a piggyback ride by Kuroo, quickly collapsed onto a swing, and began slowly rocking back in forth. 

 

"I'm so proud of you guys for making the national team," Kenma slurred.

 

"Yeah, all of you are amazing volleyball players!" Akaashi chimed in.

 

"I just love you guys so much!" Kenma gushed. He'd always been an affectionate drunk.

 

"I love you too, Kenma-chan!" Oikawa beamed. 

 

The next few minutes consisted of them revealing how much they loved each other. Oikawa basked in the positive energy. He'd gotten along extremely well with both Akaashi and Bokuto, and he couldn't help but think that the national team and his new friends would lead to future happiness. 

 

Oikawa began laughing, as they all continued to confess their love to each other. 

 

"What's so funny?" Kenma giggled. 

 

"Nothing, I just love you guys so much!" Oikawa exclaimed, causing them all to break out in drunken laughter. 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Matsukawa had learned a lot about Kawamura in the past week. She was going to school to become a veterinarian, was an amazing dancer, always wore her hair in some type of bun, and had an amazing fashion sense. From pleated skirts and knee socks to boyfriend jeans, with slightly oversized shirts tucked in, Kawamura always looked fashionable. Most importantly, she was also from Miyagi, meaning they could show each other off to their parents when they went home for the summer. 

 

Right after Kawamura's proposal, Matsukawa discussed it with his boyfriends. They all had to agree, it wasn't a bad idea. In addition, Matsukawa was happy to help out another couple. 

 

He just hoped their plan would work—that he and Kawamura could pull off their little scheme. 

 

Still, Matsukawa wasn't sure he wanted to start off a new chapter of his life with a lie. Then again, he didn't really have a choice if he wanted to pacify his parents. 

 

At least his parents could have a son they could be proud of, even if only for a little while longer.

 

 

-

 

 

Oikawa leaned his head against the train window. He was on his way back to Miyagi, where he be seeing his family and boyfriends. He'd only be staying for a few weeks, as he'd need to be back to Tokyo for practice. The lack of time spent home was slightly disappointing, but Oikawa was following his dreams and that, he decided, was worth some sacrifices.

 

Nearly five years they'd been dating, he couldn't believe it. It sucked that he still couldn't live with them, because if the fights they had during college could prove anything, it was that long-distance fucking sucked. But for them, he'd endure years more of sporadic phone calls and meetings, heartache, and the undeniable pain that came with being separated from your loved ones. 

 

Oikawa smiled as the train came to a stop in his hometown. He looked up to see his boyfriends waiting for him just outside the train. Once again, he stepped onto the train platform and into their loving arms. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS IT GUYS ITS FINISHED!!!!  
> wow i can't believe i finished another fic but i was only able to do so with the encouragement from you guys  
> thank you so much for sticking with me through this shit show of a fic :')  
> as you can see i left some loose ends to give me a starting place for another fic in the series  
> as for when the next part will be out im not entirely sure! it depends on the demand for it as i have other projects i'd like to start
> 
> since the fic is finished please leave me a review!!  
> im fairly sure i'll continue this series but feel free to give me ideas! should i just continue where i left off or would you prefer a glimpse into their future? 
> 
> once again this chap is not betaed atm and will be reposted when it is 
> 
> my tumblr - happytreasuree
> 
> The chap title is from-King and Lionheart by of monsters and men also happy by annabel jones is a song you should check out as it inspired this fic!


End file.
